So, we had our US premiere of the show we produced in Dublin this Christmas. We had a packed house and a great audience. It was great to have a live audience again.
On a personal note, I found the picture that I had worked with so closely in the show. It was a picture from the Russian bombing of a mother and a son. Today I noticed more than their faces. It wasn't that I wasn't looking or not seeing more, it was that I couldn't take my eyes away from their pain. I noticed a small bundle of crackers in the child's hand. It is amazing how much of myself I see in him. The turmoil of his face mixes with my own inside. He also looks like me, or possibly the inner picture of the small child that I see of myself afraid, in turmoil. On the outside I show a very strong and don't f*ck with me attitude, or a queenie happiness. Not many see the inner shambles of a faceless child, that I have now put a face too. Tonight as I looked at the photograph as a whole, I noticed as the colors ran together, it was a picture of my mother and me. A fist and nails woman on the inside, just as in the photograph. She personified my mothers interior as I view my mother. That was the cord when first looked on made me cry. That was were the scene I wrote of my friend and I with rope around our necks forever tied killing each other. No, I don't want to kill my mother, just emotionally sometimes we hurt each other so much until the bomb drops and all that is left is each other. Please those reading this it is not an Oedipus complex, I don't want to marry her, it is just a bond that we share that cannot be broken, no matter how hard one tries...
But maybe as I get older it can and we drown in our own sorrow and wait for what is next...
I stop, ponder, and move on...
...Kyan, where are you tonight? Sometimes I wonder about you...right before I go to bed. Not in a "I want to touch myself kind of way" (not to say you don't want to make me touch myself), but I just wonder what life would have been like...to have done things differently...to have become men together...yo no se...
I smell the air from old and move on...
Tonight is cleaning and movie night. It should all go well...I need a rest after the show tonight...
Lestat
1 comment:
oh to know some spanglish...
well my love, i'm sorry i was unable to return your call tonight. it was a crazy one--and only partially in a good way. i told brian you said hello (i was working with him tonight...*sigh* old times, i miss those old times occasionally) anyhow, he asked how you were doin and such. i'm glad you've started writing here again. it helps me keep up, guess i should follow your lead and write in mine...;) anyhow, i shall attempt to call you tomorrow--er, today. yikes, must get some sleep...
night love!
~Rylee~
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