Buenas Dias!!

Okay, so I am tired and don't want to be here, so buenas it is not. I am so freaking tired, but my boss is bringing me a bagel and some coffee. God love Bailey!!! We need to go out for an Irish coffee though, and not just coffee and Bailey's, he he he. Seriously, though Bailey we need one. I am so excited about the wedding plans for Consuela and Action!!! It's in May and we have a lot to do, but man it's going to be great. They are having a Fred and Ginger theme, kind of. It is going to be so cool. I am finishing up my designs this weekend and can't wait to start making those. I think they will be fun. Hope all is well with all of you, I don't have much to write this morning, so I am going to be brief.

Lestat

Talk about faking it!!! 

Faking it on a blind date...

Okay, so if you haven't done it, I know you have thought about it. Have you ever been fixed up with someone on a blind date and you know you aren't going to be keen on them and they know nothing about you, and so you make a fake persona up. Oh yeah, I did. So, I was on a date with Jeremy, who my lovely friend told little to him about me. I know this because I made sure that he told little. I knew I wasn't going to like the guy, but I wanted to go out and have fun. Well, they guy was really nice, but so not my type. I would like to stay friends with him, but now I can't. Why you might ask, well I fake dated him. I told him I was from England and that I had just moved here, but was from the states. I thought the date would be at tops 2 hours and thought I can hold out. The date lasted a bit over 3.5 hours, and yes I never broke character once. We had a good time, but he was way to closetie for me. I need someone with his temper (very laid back and go with the flow) but out, or someone faster than me so that we are both going 90. I think I would prefer the latter, just because that is who I tend to date. But as you noticed since I have been blogging I tend to date not very often. So anyway, needless to say I got away with faking my way being British!! HA! I still have it in me.

Now, something really important...

My future Husband, Prince Andrea Casiraghi

Yes, it will happen I have faith. So if you are out their Andrea, give me a call ;)

So as you probably have noticed my computer is up and running with DSL again and I am having a little fun with pictures. He he he. But this is very important that we understand, I WILL MARRY THIS MAN...Thanks

Lestat

Andrea, being cool

with lights in my eyes 

my road

This is a road I found in Ireland. It was a nice walk and major a good day to take a walk. I think about this, and other things when remembering the cold air and the quaint breeze...

So, here's to you...

I am thinking of having a night in tonight. Kiddo is wanting to have drinks, get sloshy and tell secrets. I think we will have fun. I think I will join here at least to if nothing else to get sloshy and tell secrets. My poor Babs is sick. I feel your pain, I had the Irish plague!!!! I am a bit tired and need to work on my monologue for saturday...it's still not were it needs to be. Well, the cute boys are not in the library tonight, so onto home and my monologue...

I all alone beweep my outcast state...

Just some things to think about...I am going over my monologue for the Festival I am auditioning for. I feel so unprepared. Wow, what a shock...

The pretty boys have all left the building and I did get to run into the pretty boy from Honduras, I did catch him check me out as I left the computer room. Although I will be happy when my DSL is fixed, I will be sad not to run into all the hot guys on campus, by not coming into the library. Alas, it is a sacrafice. Well, it is burning up in here so I guess I will leave. I can't be expected to wilt.

Lots of love,

Lestat

and here we are...and I hate you both...

Okay, so lets just breeze by the post from the last time. I don't really want to get into it. I was angry and writing and well, just not in a great state... Today is better. I might have a date scheduled soon with a hunky Latin boy, hmmmm cool. And today I ran into a guy who I keep running into. He is from Honduras and is in the music department here at my school. I think I might take some lecciones de Espanol from him. He is a cutie and a musician and just all around a nice guy. I think that might be what I need I don't know if he is gay yet or not, but with hope maybe he will be my other Latin Connection...he he he. I am much happier today. I am working on my designs and have to learn two monologues tonight for an audition this Saturday. I know, I procrastinated, but on the good side I have done them before. And Ray Ray loves me...I just hope he loves me enough to give me a job this summer. But maybe it would be better if I stayed here. I don't know. I am so ready for the cast list for Accomplice to go up and for the Caberet auditions. I just am ready to be emerged into theatre again. I also need to work hard on my Spanish, so it will be good to get some tutoring in from the cute boy. I don't know it just seems like lately I am thinking more with my left brain than my right. Hopefully that will change soon. I hope Babs and I can go out soon. I have so much to talk about with her. Also, I must get in touch with Consuela. It has been far too long. Well, I will tell you tales later, off to memorize my monologues...

Lestat

PS wow is there a hot guy a couple of computers down...mmmmm

Shavings from an electric pencil

Don't ask, Tina Fay was having some problems with the sharpener as I was writing the title. It seemed to fit with today.

What's been happening, one might ask. Well, a lot and not a lot. We put LM to bed and had fantastic reviews in both Dublin and here. Several people came to see me, which was cool, states the vain actor trying to sound conceited...

***Warning skip this paragraph if you don't want to hear me whin***
Riff who had promised to come and who I bought a ticket for was not there. It was his birthday the night or two before, so I figured he was drunk and not thinking...or just thinking with his dick...I know, I know, we aren't dating, but come on, if you are coming to see me in a play where I buy the ticket, you definitely need to come and not cum. Well, I blew up on the phone to him, in a sweet, I'm kidding, but I am serious kind of way. I told him he had to call me back this minute and hung up...Okay so, maybe I went a bit too far, but I managed to get results extremely quick. Apparently, he had some family emergency and hadn't taken his phone with him and completely forgotten...Now, all of you think I am a b*tch, however, I will say that he isn't the most reliable guy in the world...Sometimes he will fall off the face of the planet and I won't here from him for days...So it is not out of the realms of possibility that he had pulled the James Dean I am going to leave town for a while just because. So, he called me back, and apologized profusely...Saying how horrible of a person he was and that he wanted to take me out to dinner...How fab...Grand, I am so good, I win...and that is how this week has started...

I know I am a horrible person, but really I am tired of being screwed over by men.

I have half a mind to say screw you to Kyan right now, but I won't...I digress, it's not him I am mad at...It's myself...

Anyway enough new age meditation I'm mad lets look within, I am looking into other grad schools to go to in the fall. I am not wanting to be here now. I am definitely thinking of going up north. Oh to be rid of this hot climate for a while. I am ready for a change...ready for something new..

I have something I am working on right now, well several, but writing wise I am working on a new script. Something different and a little less like what I write. It's more in the Bourne Id/Sup kind of range. I don't know where it is going, or if I will finish it, but who knows...

I am very fond today of the "..." If I looked through my blog I would probably see that I am very fond of it...oh well.

Such in a weird mood. I need to work on my Espanol homework, finish some sketches and meet friends tonight at some college bar I am sure. I must get into a different mood before then.

Cheers,

Lestat

On with the show...

So, we had our US premiere of the show we produced in Dublin this Christmas. We had a packed house and a great audience. It was great to have a live audience again.

On a personal note, I found the picture that I had worked with so closely in the show. It was a picture from the Russian bombing of a mother and a son. Today I noticed more than their faces. It wasn't that I wasn't looking or not seeing more, it was that I couldn't take my eyes away from their pain. I noticed a small bundle of crackers in the child's hand. It is amazing how much of myself I see in him. The turmoil of his face mixes with my own inside. He also looks like me, or possibly the inner picture of the small child that I see of myself afraid, in turmoil. On the outside I show a very strong and don't f*ck with me attitude, or a queenie happiness. Not many see the inner shambles of a faceless child, that I have now put a face too. Tonight as I looked at the photograph as a whole, I noticed as the colors ran together, it was a picture of my mother and me. A fist and nails woman on the inside, just as in the photograph. She personified my mothers interior as I view my mother. That was the cord when first looked on made me cry. That was were the scene I wrote of my friend and I with rope around our necks forever tied killing each other. No, I don't want to kill my mother, just emotionally sometimes we hurt each other so much until the bomb drops and all that is left is each other. Please those reading this it is not an Oedipus complex, I don't want to marry her, it is just a bond that we share that cannot be broken, no matter how hard one tries...

But maybe as I get older it can and we drown in our own sorrow and wait for what is next...

I stop, ponder, and move on...

...Kyan, where are you tonight? Sometimes I wonder about you...right before I go to bed. Not in a "I want to touch myself kind of way" (not to say you don't want to make me touch myself), but I just wonder what life would have been like...to have done things differently...to have become men together...yo no se...

I smell the air from old and move on...

Tonight is cleaning and movie night. It should all go well...I need a rest after the show tonight...

Lestat

Mas investigación en la biblioteca

So, en nuesta wonderful bibloteca, and yes I will be speaking in Spanglish for this blog (not really, and don't make fun of the word, it is in the dictionary), we have no play by Lope de Vega. What is up with that. I need one scene from Las Pastorelas, which although he did not write, he did transcribe for all those theatre buffs out there but I digress. I NEED ONE SCENE. oh that felt nice. So, between that and the DSL f*cking up at mi casa, yo no se es voyando en. Okay I know I just turned an English idiom into Spanish, it doesn't work that well. I think I will try to write something else a little latter, I have just gone spastic.

Adios,

Lestat

On selecting a play

So, I am here in the library of my school and I am looking for a play that I cannot find. Have I even begun to tell you how much I hate the library of congress. Notice how I did not capitalize any of the words. I do not think it worthy of being capitalized. The old way, good ol' Dewey, was not great, however, I could find things. Now, I wonder aimlessly through the aisles. Not knowing where anything is. You may say that is what the Card Catalogue is for. My library has one online, solemente online. Which is great, however, it gives me about 1000 hits for something I am for which I am looking. This is not helpful if the book I am looking for is number 576 and I have typed in the right title and author. Sometimes, and I am sure Kyan will disagree profusely, technology is a sh*tty, sh*tty thing. But alas, I digress.

I am downloading applications today for Uni's around Chicago and Seattle. My hope is that one will accept me soon, so that I no longer have to stay in this unfortunate place. As you might ascertain from my blog I am not actually in Madrid the city now. I want to move to a bigger city with more action. (okay mis amigos, I don't necessarily mean "action").

I have so many auditions coming up in the next few days. This will determine my summer and where I will be. I really should go to the mass cattle call this year, but I don't know. I want to spend one last summer at my old stomping grounds and do Shakespeare one last time, before the onset of Neil Simon and uhhhh, Musical Theatre. You might not get that from the rest of my blog, however, it was the best way to name a few people last summer when this blog was started. So, what you will. I know, I know take away my gay card. I hate musical theatre. I always tell people, I missed that day in gay school and was glad. Back to Shakespeare, I have an audition for my old teatro group that I hope will give me something. If not I am also auditioning for this area and for a few others. I hope it will come through. If not oh well. Another musical will await me here at the local theatre level.

I will have to end this now, por que I am going to work and such. Hope all is well with you my loves...

Adios,

Lestat

The delusions of a drunken Irish man...

I wished I had kept this in Ireland, hell, I wished I had kept this blog up... I am back from a three week rehearsal and production in you guessed it, Dublin, Ireland. I had a grand time and I want desperately to go back some day. But I would not stay in Dublin. I would travel the country side and find a path that no one had tread for many years. . . But one day, not today. Today I enter back into school. I start at 8 with a Spanish class, yes I know, I should know Spanish by now, he he... lo ciento mucho... oh well. I am doing well and I have several ideas for a couple of new plays. The play I did was very dark, but extremely meaningful. I was only in it for a short time, but to be on stage in Ireland was the chance of a lifetime. I am so in love with the people there and know now that I have to live in Europe my whole life...I never want to go back to the states...but I am sure I will for mamacita and papa. Who knows maybe one day they will move to Madrid and we can all be happy on foreign soil. Who knows... untill next time

Cheers,

Lestat

Living in a dangerous time...

Yes I know I haven't written in a while. Too long have I sat silent and not expressed my feeling, but hey that's what happens when you are in grad school right? I have been doing a lot of thinking and not a lot of action. I have been trying so hard to plan everything out, but I haven't been able to execute anything. Tonight I have to pull an all nighter, so that I can get everything done. Yes, I am not very happy about that. However, it is my own fault. But enough of that. I feel that my life has been compromised in a way. I am doing theatre, but I am a dance major. What is that? I know why I decided to go into dance. It was a need to have more information about the artform. It was to immerse myself so that I would have the ability to fuse the two artforms when necessary, but to be able to do both independently. Now I am much more interested in the fusion of the two. I feel that I am going to be met with some resistance. But that the resistance will be good considering I will be dealing with that resistance for the rest of my life. So what of that? I don't know. My piece that I am creating for the dance department is going well, I think, despite what others might think. But enough of that. I have rehearsals all this week for a show I am doing in Ireland in December. This is all preliminary work that will be used to create a play for us. Yes, we are that important. he he he. The rehearsal process is amazing. It is very much rooted in the 60's ritual movement in theatre and dance. We are exploring and looking for moments in time that will lead us or rather the playwright to a script. It is going to be wonderful. I am a bit tired and worn out, but like I said, It's grad school. I will hopefully continue this blog again tomorrow, until then, goodbye.

Lestat

Much ado about nothing...

To my dear Anita, I don't think it's f*cking men that are the problem, I think them being just men and not f*cking are the problem (or what you will). So, these weeks are flying by more and more quickly, and for some reason I am insanely happy with that. I have no time to accomplish everything, however, I am so glad to have everything fly by. What's up with that, I do not know. So, I am having a great time on my choreography for the dance department that I am in. It is so crazy and out there and well, me. Sometimes I think I get way too distracted by the same sex. Men are too easy to look at.

Back for a second death...

I wish I could say that my life has been as quite as my blog. Endless rehearsals and class fill my day as I try to piece together a sane life. Although, I am beginning to think sanity is overrated. Gay pride was last weekend, and Riff cheered for the Gay Cheerleaders, and seemed to be very happy to see me and of course told me to call. So, stupidly I did. Knowing full well, he will call when he wants to. Dirty sh*t. Oh maybe you don't know. We had a little fun a few weeks ago, with someone else. Now, I don't expect him to be my boyfriend, no it was just innocent fun. BUT, I do expect a phone call and a hangout after doing that.

Less about Riff, more about my piece. I am choreographing a piece called Finding Exodus. It's about the leaving of one person from another. Wow, maybe I should apply this to the first paragraph, la la la.

I don't think I know how to write in one of these anymore. Every time I come to the computer I space out and don't know what to talk about. Well, maybe next time will be more rewarding.

Lestat
PS I am a little freaking out b/c of Grad school.

Another day, another whatever...

Sorry that my life has not been so exciting except for the fun of school I am working constantly and well the love life is non existent right now. So what to talk about? Well, I am reading constantly now. My reading consists of mainly dance books that tell me how to think, and then my professors tell me I need to form my own mind (but then tell me what to think). I am sick to death of being told, just let me read my books and go through my own thought processes. Maybe, when my head stops spinning I will "accertain the situation and move into a more stable awareness of what I want." hmmm, what I want... This is something I need to think more of. I recently did an audition for a show going on in the next town. I had a great first reading, but a difficult and not so good second reading. He has since cast everyone, but the character I was auditioning for. I do know why which is a good thing. It's because he is auditioning more men. I was the only man at auditions. It is a very female heavy show and it looks for a specific type of guy to play the part. Specific in acting as well as looks. I fit the look and my acting can handle it, however, politics and a bad callback may have put me out of the running. I dance all day, read all night, and just was in a fight with my friends that I feel terrible about. I can't believe I snapped at them. Granted he is a scapegoat for many of my outbursts of anger, but rarely do I snap at him. So, tonight I went to the library to study, and I did achieve this studding. However, I didn't finish. And now I am talking to this wonderful online journal (I hear the words of my favorite professor in the back of my head, "sarcasm is the lowest for of humor"). My head is spinning and I don't know if I made the right choice, but who can I talk to about this other than myself? Others can't answer this question for me. Only I can, but then why isn't the answer easier for me? Only time can tell right now. I feel another emotional breakdown coming on. But hopefully I can reschedule it for another time... ha if only Life worked that way.

Lestat

At the ballet...

After dancing for four years I decided to become a part of a school of dance. Now having a modern background I thought I would be fine as the school is a modern dance department. I didn't even think of how hard it would be to dive back into ballet. Never having taken it seriously, I didn't expect it to come at me this hard. Time for a mental breakdown, cue the music. Yes, today at the ballet class I had a break down. Not unusual for the neurotic person that I am. I know how to do the movements, however, they were being yelled out and at a rapid pace. I went up to my instructor, someone who looks like the typical prima ballerina, from Russia with love (okay so I am being mean because I hate ballet). But she does look like that, however, she is very kind and compassionate and told me that she thought I was doing fine in her class and that she thought I would survive. I should be listening to her rather than myself who cannot comprehend what my body is going through. Maybe I shouldn't have chosen grad dance school. What was I thinking? But maybe I will be okay and I will be made stronger. Or I will fall and learn something from that.

I want my head to stop spinning though. I need to become more organized but I don't know if I can do that. We will see...

Lestat