el sexo

Brandon: Go slow, and take it easy. I don't bottom very often. (QAF Episode: 508)

So last night as we were finishing everything up, we all sat down for a drink. We were talking about our friend, lets call her Carrie, and how her and her new Fiance and her would not be at all interested in playing the age old game of I have never. Carrie and Cary, did not want to know about each others past. My roomie Maranda, said I wouldn't want to either if my number was 37. Me being like Samantha on Sex and the City answered well that's not too terribly bad. Eddie, a mutual friend, thought I was insane, he said that although there was no way of getting around the fact that I was a slut, the circumstances was a bit different for men and even more different for gay men. Maranda replied: "Damn Lestat, how is your asshole?" I took defense, "Well, I didn't take all the men I have had up my ass...which is true, I didn't learn the joys of bottoming until later in life and well, lets face it when I was younger I didn't care about anything but getting off. After a successful sexual encounter with a NY Costume designer I was informed of the joys of sex, and not just the end satisfaction. I learned of prolonging the experience and having fun whichever position I was in...I also learned of several positions. And, I do believe that gay men have explored the sexuality of sex more so than anyone else, however, I still hate how because of the status quo still considers us too promiscuous. I wish this wasn't the case, because if they only new the exploratory process of sex, perhaps they would not look down upon us but revere us. I know Eddie does, even though he fained that I was a slut, but the need to do that in front of a girl, to make him seem as if he didn't want to have more sexual partners than the apparent dreaded 37. I have never given my number away...well to people I know...and honestly, I lost count, because it shouldn't matter. But that is one great thing about us queers, we may be promiscuous, however, in the end, it doesn't matter. The Journey (yes I did use the capitol J) is so much more fufilling. If my ass or dick falls off, I will have learned so much about myself. And, I may be a slut, but well, I am happy.

la vida

Brian: You were on the phone when he shot his load all over me. (QAF Ep. 101)

So another day at the office, and I am a bit out of wack with the usual flow of opperations. Apparently, in my mind it has been Monday all week long, and it doesn't seem to be getting anywhere near friday. Who would have guessed that I would be bored (don't everyone raise your hands at once). I mean obviously office jobs are as boring as they come, whatever office you are in. Granted some have more high profile (like mine) others not so much, these are usually the ones in the back where people are much more bitter and jaded than I am. So really, I love being up here, because really where else can as much as I do. So, my roomie and I have been watching a lot of Sex and the City, mainly she made me go watch the movie and well, I can't help it, I did enjoy the movie a great deal. I had watched a couple of the episodes and its good and all, but I never really had time or I was watching another series, blah blah...so now with my roomie having all the seasons, and I am in reality tv mode, I have time to pick up a series when I am waiting to hear whose top chef, designer, fashion, model, real worlder ect...The main thing is that they are on DVD at my appartment and I don't have to purchase them or wait, or even leave my appartment. So, this is great, however, I have noticed watching them that I tend to think more about woman things...is single life going to be my life, sex, family vs success and what is success. And, although I continually define those perimeters of my life, I don't often think on them as much as lately. And yes I know men think abou those things I was not trying to say women are the only ones, however, it is what those 4 dwell on. Life has been pretty good to me so far, however, I know I am in a rut right now, but I know eventually I will get out of it and into the field I am dying to go into, I just have to focus in on what I want, my path of how to get there, and focus less on the idea of how great it is going to be. I think that is my problem now I am so focused on the dream felling and not the dream itself. I need to take the bull by the horns a bit more and start taking more action. I have started standing up for my excentricities with my friends (by which I mean why am I doing the things I do, well it serves a larger purpose), but I need to start working harder. I have slacked enough, I need to start working harder...and well, lets not take the obvious music reference here but you know what I mean. Anyway, its Wednesday, I have auditions for the shows I am casting in a week and a half. I need to start preparing. I have the 4 eight count movement piece I am teaching now, it is my goal to have the 5 scenes picked from which I am going to have people read, by Friday. Lets see if I get my goal.

Lestat.

Mio cabeza es bueno

Justin: I'm not anti-social, I just can't stand people. (QAF Episode: 303)

So life is winding down, we (my roomie and I) have had talks with the people coming over and that has slowed down and it looks like life in the shire is returning to normal. Work, is good, well especially for Rachel who has called in sick to work. And well, the only thing up in the air are my auditions for the two shows I am producing. I need more actors, when have I ever said this. I had to wait till every actor was in a show to schedule a production, ha ha ha. Work is good in the since that I mentored and got feed free lunch. Also, I was able to get the paycheck sent to my account so I have money now and life is grand. So, yeah, well, I will see you cats later as I am working on getting out of the office myself and planning some beach time. Sorry, its been so long since writing.

Lestat

la vie un rose

Hunter: I can see it now. I'm on death row, awaiting a lethal injection. This mass murderer who killed 48 babies and ate them asks me what I'm being executed for. I say, 'Opening Ben's letter.' (QAF Ep 409)

So yeah, today was kind of not so fun, but really other than wanting to bash my computer into a million pieces I handled everything muy bueno!!! But really I think my year of retail hell has lead me to be more cool headed and less stressed out, after almost dying at the hands of a customer in retail, I think I can handle anything. Oh yeah, and do mean almost dying, not in my usually inflated storytelling way, no the man actually reached across the counter. So not much has happened at the new job to rival that.

Also, I think the work outs help. I have been walking/running in the mornings to get ready for SGK, Lifewalk and other walk/races... so yeah, and I find that knowing you could pass out for lack of breath helps with the anger, or maybe just gives me a massive runners high.

Sex, well, that's a story for another blog, but lets just say hopefully tomorrow I can blog about that, because there are some interesting stories. Its always fun to be "new again" and I will define that term later for you too. But for now I am happy and excited, my dog will be very happy to have a night completely with me. And I will be glad to have a night at home with the dog ;)

Later,

Lestat

a mio madre

Michael: I agreed to come to this, I didn't agree to dress like my Mother. (QAF Episode: 402)

I feel like I am my mother's child.

Ok, silly I know I am my mother's child, but I feel like my mother more and more now that I am growing up, and aside from the fact that I still have dark hair, without the use of dye (unless I want to spice things up, he he) I look in the mirror and I hear myself talk, and I realize I am my mother. As much as I say I am ok with this, and really, really I am...I'm not. I love my mother, and will always be thankful for everything she has done for me. She has supported me in everything I have wanted to do, she has given advice (especially when not needed), she has given me an extra $20 every once and a while, and most of all she has loved. Everything you hacve heard so far makes me seem like an asshole right... I am ...but not for this. She also, has much fear, worry, low self-esteem, and a need to fix things she cannot fix. She cries at the drop of the hat and lives in the past, but she is also perfect. Or at least perfect with a flaw, which as not to offend the gods. But really, she is amazing, but with her Quarkiness, Fun and Efficientness...I also receive her emotion, fear and sometimes regret. I have worked so hard at becoming something different, but each day I feel so much more like her. I guess it doesn't help that we look exactly alike, we have all the same mannerisms and we both work in similar fields.

I will have to say that although we are so much alike, I have worked hard. Worry is something that usually escapes my mind. I don't worry much about things. If they are ment or not ment to happens seems to make little difference in the grand scheme of things. Although I am emotional, crying is not something I do in front of people often, although I may cry often alone over romantic movies. And lastly, although I don't regret much, I do sometimes dwell on what I do. I try to, when I feel the need dewell for a set number of minutes on it, and then move on, but somedays, I am consummed. I am sure that this has something to do with my constant battle with depression, but meh, I digress.

I am glad however to have gotten her since of humor (although, my father's joke telling is totally in me), her ability to laugh at myself comes from her and my joy, which, it is sometimes hard to see from day today, is all from her. I feel love and joy the way my mother does and perhaps that is what I should focus on more. I love the way she feels these two things. She makes my heart sing. I also love the way she doesn't care what other people think, unless its something bad about her kids. And maybe, just maybe, I should remember that turning out as happy as my mother is, is not a bad thing...so what if I have to look and act like her.

Love you ma,

Lestat

Y el mundo es girando.

Lindsay: I think we're witnessing a conversion.
Melanie: Another lesbian success story. (216)

So, the lesbians have movied in...not really, but for the most part they like to visit and stay over, which is fine because I am the kind of guy that would rather you sleep over then drive drunk. And well lets face it, the lesbians are great friends and fun. My problem is that it is becoming frequently more frequent with the other people in my life. Now we have the breeders (who let me just say I am getting a little peeved I'm not totally included in the wedding planning because hello, who better than a homo ex wedding planner friend to help you plan your wedding, but I digress). They have been coming over more and more, and I think my new roomie said it best when she mentioned, they're just a little boring. Also, life has become more interesting with the more people who are starting to stay over. Several sets of Singles, or those who want to be single have been making the state at the B&B de Lestat. Again, I have no problem with people coming over, having a good time, and having to spend the night for whatever reason, but seriously, every night??? Ok, so now you know the problem, it isn't one of them, its all of them (yes sometimes on the same night). Its now been 2 weeks (minus memorial weekend when we were both gone) since we haven't had a visitor at the house and although we have had a few nights of people only coming over for a few hours...they still came over. Tonight I would love to just open a new bottle of wine, run a bath and put on some good music to drown away in just being alone. I think I need and deserve it. So, to all my good friends that happen apon this blog, know that I love you, want you around as much as possible...but for about 3 days can everyone just back off and let me have a tiny bit of roomie time...and more importantly...alone time.

Currently rockin' Flogging Molly
Currently readin' The Tao of Pooh
Currently watchin' Dante's Cove III (ok, ok, so i like fluff from time to time)

una dia nueva para me, y soy bien

Debbie: Brian must've knocked up Sunshine! (513)

So, I love my new job, just a little too much, but more on that later.

mudanza a velocidad terminal

Brian: A big fat lie is I won't come in your mouth. (QAF Episode: 405)
Recently I have been tired and sore. No, I haven't been working out a lot, or having all night fuck fests. I just have been dealing with the fact that I am in a job I have no intention of staying in for much longer. I am so ready to get out of town, explore life. Why haven't I joined Peace Corps or sold everything and seen the world? I mean granted I have seen more than most people, but I am always reminded of the line in Broken Hearts Club: every so often I swear to sell everything I know and backpack across Europe and really find myself as a photographer. Well, why the hell haven't I done that? I guess it doesn't help that I was reading Into the Wild so yeah, I have fueled my adventure mentality that has been laying dormant under my capitolist need to live a comfortable life. blah. I want to get otu, to move out, to go, to live, but I am right here sitting watching tv, getting more tired and more sad that I am not exploring life and the world. Hmmmmm, its time to rethink life kids and this time, I have to find a way to make it work.

Apariciones

"Just like Jesus, and Liza and Judy he's making a comeback..." Brian QAF Ep 403

I know its been too long, I always say that, but this time I think its time to start putting pen to paper again. Life has changed, the world as I know it has become so distant. I need to start to examining my life more. I stuck at a job I hate working toward a future I may or may not have. I don't know why but I need a change. Perhaps I always need change? I think that is the truth, whenever life seems to balance, I need upheaval. But I no longer want change through distruction...now I need to figure out how to make changes through creation.

One: Decide where I want to be in life. Check
Two: Decide how to get there...still perfecting...
Three: Do it! Not yet there.

Seems easy, so why do we as a whole not do this all the time? Why is it that I haven't done this before? Because simplicity is so hard. Try to make something simple, it isn't easy. Simplicity is so hard to us because we are creatures of over analysing, needing to complicate and finding the dificult in the facile...I have spent the last years of my research and acting/directing training trying to find simplicity, and it is still the hardest moment on stage. Its not easy to explain, and harder still to show, if you complicate...and I do...perhaps the earlier statement of we as a people do this is not true...actually it is not a blanket statement that can be made, but it can be of me. I tend to lump people in my category of problems, forgetting that we are all wired a little different. So, here is the rant of today. And the question is how can I make this more simple without complicating things.

Random flamboyantly gay moment: I can't wait to see 27 Dresses...

With Love,

Lestat