a mio madre

Michael: I agreed to come to this, I didn't agree to dress like my Mother. (QAF Episode: 402)

I feel like I am my mother's child.

Ok, silly I know I am my mother's child, but I feel like my mother more and more now that I am growing up, and aside from the fact that I still have dark hair, without the use of dye (unless I want to spice things up, he he) I look in the mirror and I hear myself talk, and I realize I am my mother. As much as I say I am ok with this, and really, really I am...I'm not. I love my mother, and will always be thankful for everything she has done for me. She has supported me in everything I have wanted to do, she has given advice (especially when not needed), she has given me an extra $20 every once and a while, and most of all she has loved. Everything you hacve heard so far makes me seem like an asshole right... I am ...but not for this. She also, has much fear, worry, low self-esteem, and a need to fix things she cannot fix. She cries at the drop of the hat and lives in the past, but she is also perfect. Or at least perfect with a flaw, which as not to offend the gods. But really, she is amazing, but with her Quarkiness, Fun and Efficientness...I also receive her emotion, fear and sometimes regret. I have worked so hard at becoming something different, but each day I feel so much more like her. I guess it doesn't help that we look exactly alike, we have all the same mannerisms and we both work in similar fields.

I will have to say that although we are so much alike, I have worked hard. Worry is something that usually escapes my mind. I don't worry much about things. If they are ment or not ment to happens seems to make little difference in the grand scheme of things. Although I am emotional, crying is not something I do in front of people often, although I may cry often alone over romantic movies. And lastly, although I don't regret much, I do sometimes dwell on what I do. I try to, when I feel the need dewell for a set number of minutes on it, and then move on, but somedays, I am consummed. I am sure that this has something to do with my constant battle with depression, but meh, I digress.

I am glad however to have gotten her since of humor (although, my father's joke telling is totally in me), her ability to laugh at myself comes from her and my joy, which, it is sometimes hard to see from day today, is all from her. I feel love and joy the way my mother does and perhaps that is what I should focus on more. I love the way she feels these two things. She makes my heart sing. I also love the way she doesn't care what other people think, unless its something bad about her kids. And maybe, just maybe, I should remember that turning out as happy as my mother is, is not a bad thing...so what if I have to look and act like her.

Love you ma,

Lestat