Ted: God is Love, and since he doesn't make mistakes, you must be exactly the way he wants you to be, the way he intended you to be. (QAF Season 1)
So yesterday was a crap blog, I admit, not that I think I have a legion of fans reading, I don't even think there are three, ha ha, but that is ok, this blog was always started for me to throw up on a page...(see all blogs before this one, ha ha). I think back, well that's rhetorical considering we all think back, it's very hard to think forward and for some to think present...but I digress, I think back, a lot these days about how I have lived my life. What am I proud of and what do I regret. Luckily the proud out numbers the regret...but funny thing, I'm not so sure yet if it outweighs the regret. Funny thing about regret, it is much denser and heavier than pride. I regret not finding more love, or allowing myself to date more. I feel a bit like the interns of Seattle Grace...yes I'm in Seattle making a reference to Grey's Anatomy. ha ha. but, and I have said this before Theatre people are like Medical Interns, they spend their whole college or first years in the theatre trying to make a name for themselves, which gives them very little time for relationships. And often the relationships we have are so few or actually just sex (shocker theatre people are promiscuous). So needless to say I am very similar in that I never really cultivated an idea of love...Not to say that I am not a true bohemian who is a complete Romantic at heart. I just was not sure how long I would be in one area for one time. Then, I end up living in one area for eight years, found some heartache, maybe some love, maybe not so much...Flashback of NYE, one guy confessing his love, another falling for me in that moment...was I stupid to leave...Present...now I have officially been on 3 dates with 2 guys. The first was not so good, the kiss...yes it is in his kiss...not so good, the second, I find I really like the sexy Italian, but don't know how he feels about me...hmmmmm, I wonder. I texted him earlier and asked him for a 3rd date. Hopefully the cocktails will not be so heavy this time...ummmm yes the last date involved cocktails and inappropriate Jenga. Yes, you can say it, Ima Slut is my name...ok, so it wasn't too horrible...Ok, no more details ;) ok, just one, lets just say, he was a much better kisser...that's all you get. For now all I can say is that I guess, love, or lack their of, is something I no longer want in the regret pile. I am sure my heartache will go up, but maybe just maybe, my pride file will grow a little more. So, regrets watch out...Pride is coming to kill you.
PS...the Italian just texted, he wants to go out again ;)
Lestat
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