Perhaps I am not as smart as I think

Brian: Why can't we just stay here and cuddle? (QAF Episode: 513)

I have been so confused lately, and it is my own fault. I am jack's lack of enthusiasm. It seems I should be listening to the councel of my friends, but instead I have been working towards my own stupidity. I know when things are hot and that I shouldn't touch, but it is the intrigue that keeps me going to it. I must explore. I make mistakes to learn...I am afraid this may be my undoing. I seek too much. I explore too much and don't realize the effects the journey has on me. I don't realize how much I can get hurt and that my appetite for life might sicken.

I won't say that I think the moment your heart breaks you should cease to exist. I don't believe that anymore. Mainly, because my heart has broken too much, and I know I can't die, I just have to pull myself up by my boot straps and go on. But, like a stupid boy that I am I try too hard for the things that cannot make me happy. Boys that cannot make me happy.

And to be completely overly dramatic, I will say, perhaps there is not someone that will make me happy. Maybe I need to give up on it, because it will come if it will and if it won't, I have no control over it. It is something I am afraid of, losing control. But this is one thing I have to loose control of...And besides, I have a life to live. I have places to go, a life to live. And I want that, life, career, and more...but I guess I will settle for two things I am very thankful for: life and career.

Let's focus on that for now...