Tonight I am filled with need for sleep and need to think. Thinking has never been a problem for me as I think more and more as I grow older. Obviously, I have thought of love the last few days. I have thought of the man I want. Maybe the man I will never have or find. Yo no se, pero quiero, no necesito a tener eso los pensamientos y les dan las alas, de modo que la energÃa más alta sepa qué hacer. I worry to much about everything. I wrote a play about the fact that I want to find this love and yet I won't let it happen. Okay, so that was part of the play, but it is the voice that I need to be listening to. Thanks to Valencia for the notes and the push to write clarifyrify this. I am working on it, in my life and in my play. In life I will let the wings of love fly who they want my way, and if I miss or find, I will have learned something. Perhaps, that is why I am okay with what happens in life. To quote a song of Rufus Wainwright, "I'm looking for the tower of learning."
There are few men around me whose eyes I look into that fit the rest of the song. It goes,
"I saw it in your eyes what I'm looking for
I saw it in your eyes what will make me live
All the sights of Paris
Pale inside your iris
Tip the Eiffel Tower with one glance
Stained glass cathedrals with one glint
You smashed it with your eyes
What I'm looking for
One blink and then my heart wasn't there no more..."
To this date there have been four...okay, maybe this is more than most, however, I only had a relationship with one, another I had a summer, and two, I haven't had at all (one I never will and another, there may be hope, it's the only currency I carry). I consider myself an optimist that is why I carry hope in my pocket. Even if I have no hope for or good self image of myself. I guess that makes me a situational optimist, or a fool...but at least the fool gives people happiness. I do have optimism(as well as sarcasm, but I am working on that).
Okay, time to get some work done on my play. I will leave you with my latest fantasy,
I want to kiss a boy in the rain...
1 comment:
somehow you have always managed to do this... you put words to what i cannot. i have these emotions and contemplations, yet i can never express them verbally. then you post somethign that fits so perfectly... maybe that's why we relate as we do. i see so many parallels...*tear*
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