Today:
Today has been a very interesting and enlightening day. I became aware of a misunderstanding that has caused great harm to many people. All of whom are my friends. I somehow feel as if I am the bad guy, but really there is no one to blame. Because of, as always, lack of communication and twisted words I have hurt someone. I am very sorry about this, but because neither of us talked about it...well, you can decode the silence. This is not at all how I expected things to turn out. Now four of us are effected by two peoples actions, but perhaps this is where it all began. I am a fool, I knew becoming friends with other gay men was going to be hard. It's like a straight man and woman being friends. It is just to hard sometimes. This is not to say it cannot happen, however, I am always a bit on edge around my guy male friends when situations arise like this. This has happened to me once before. I was the one who was hurt, left and broken because they decided that I was expendable. This is not the case in this experience, however, I feel that now looking back I should have heard his side of the story. Now, as I am the one misunderstood or perhaps overunderstood (that is to say have had assumptions layered on me) I want the chance to talk. I hope I will get that chance.
Tonight:
My dear Babs and I shared a wonderful conversation about men. How we love and hate them and how we are alike in the way we deal with them. Perhaps because of all the bullshit surrounding the situation from above, is why I haven't acted as I needed to, or how I normally do. Thank you Babs, for everything tonight. It was wonderful talking through our problems. I hope I didn't dominate the conversation too much.
Tomorrow:
Tomorrow will be filled with thought as well I am sure. A close dancer friend of mine is coming to hang out and talk about projects we want to do and I am sure we will laugh and cry and discuss politics and religion and life...or giggle like school girls about boys, movies and Gael Garcia Bernal. I look forward to this distraction tomorrow night, because as tired as I am, I will be en pensamiento for some time tonight.
Adios mis amores,
Lestat
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