I do this all the time when I can't get a hold of people I know and love...
24 September 2005
en la calle
Michael: If you don't answer it he'll go away.
Brian: You said I was welcome anytime. (Queer as Folk Episode: 302)
It has been one of those times, when I have flown off to Neverland. I am Peter Pan by the way, the boy that never grew up.
After watching, no backspace, crying through Finding Neverland, I remember why Theatre is the only place for me. I will never grow up...
...J.M. Barrie: [watching George react to the knowledge that his mother is seriously ill] Magnificent. The boy is gone. In the last 30 seconds... you became a grown-up...
But Peter does grow up, and I remember the moment I did. I was too young. We are always too young when we do...I remember long summers with my mother. My sister is dyslexic and had to go to Sylvan. It never hindered her in school and she grew up one of the most popular girls, no one ever knowing the first years of her life living with a "learning handicap." She was cured, because that is what happens to diseases, but I digress as that is another story. My mother would take me with her to the neighboring town as my sister went to the learning center. Our "biggest small town in the world" had no such center. We would go and look at sheet music in the piano stores, shop, go to the bookstores, and eat TCBY ice cream as my sister toiled away working on learning. It was later that my mother took me back to this town to do these things when my sister was all grown up, that I began to realize it was her way watching me grow up. With each new time I learned more.
Later when Christianity took over my life... (I am still a believer, my views have just shifted)...I became in my mother's words, "the spiritual leader" in our family. I was set off to do great things...
...later when I left "The Calling" I was to do great things in theatre, and now I have specialized fields she has labeled I will do great things in...
...I remember realizing that I was to take charge, which is why I do so now...I rush in, I make things right...I protect people and make sure they know...
...backspace once again, when my sister was in high school I had to help her with her homework every night...I remember never having to study, but studying what my sister needed, as I had to help her...
...My sister and I were never in high school together...I went in the year after she left...
...new page...
I shift endlessly down a street as others walk by and do not notice me...I am spending much of my time working on things to fill up my life, forgetting the one life that should have meaning to me, my own...but I have known for too long...it's why I don't have a boyfriend...I am already married, and my husband is very jealous and keeps me locked in his attention...Senior Theatre and his little boy Peter Pan...
...save draft in folder, title it, notes on my life...
I will tuck it away for when I need to write my autobiography, or maybe get a play started...but for now I will go on...I wasn't suppose to type any of this...
...new post to be written I entitle it en la calle, because I want to write about this cool pic, but will end up writing superficial crap...
Seussical is going well. I am happy to busy my life away, and have enjoyed several new learning experiences that this process has begun to show me... I truly am looking for the "Tower of Learning." What a process. Several new and exciting people in my life and they are helping me, I thank them with all my heart. I have climbed a latter...grown up a little...I feel Peter Pan fading away...I watched Finding Neverland tonight and long to become young again, but the moment has passed, when I was too young to remember...
...insert story...
...insert point...
...marvel at my wittiness and wait for someone to comment, because I crave attention and need love...
...I wrap up the post, spell check it, look through the words and find better ones...
...look over realize I have my wonderful dog here (I have joint custody, long story for another time) and remember that life is worth living hug and kiss on him and then we both go to bed...
Brian: You said I was welcome anytime. (Queer as Folk Episode: 302)
It has been one of those times, when I have flown off to Neverland. I am Peter Pan by the way, the boy that never grew up.
After watching, no backspace, crying through Finding Neverland, I remember why Theatre is the only place for me. I will never grow up...
...J.M. Barrie: [watching George react to the knowledge that his mother is seriously ill] Magnificent. The boy is gone. In the last 30 seconds... you became a grown-up...
But Peter does grow up, and I remember the moment I did. I was too young. We are always too young when we do...I remember long summers with my mother. My sister is dyslexic and had to go to Sylvan. It never hindered her in school and she grew up one of the most popular girls, no one ever knowing the first years of her life living with a "learning handicap." She was cured, because that is what happens to diseases, but I digress as that is another story. My mother would take me with her to the neighboring town as my sister went to the learning center. Our "biggest small town in the world" had no such center. We would go and look at sheet music in the piano stores, shop, go to the bookstores, and eat TCBY ice cream as my sister toiled away working on learning. It was later that my mother took me back to this town to do these things when my sister was all grown up, that I began to realize it was her way watching me grow up. With each new time I learned more.
Later when Christianity took over my life... (I am still a believer, my views have just shifted)...I became in my mother's words, "the spiritual leader" in our family. I was set off to do great things...
...later when I left "The Calling" I was to do great things in theatre, and now I have specialized fields she has labeled I will do great things in...
...I remember realizing that I was to take charge, which is why I do so now...I rush in, I make things right...I protect people and make sure they know...
...backspace once again, when my sister was in high school I had to help her with her homework every night...I remember never having to study, but studying what my sister needed, as I had to help her...
...My sister and I were never in high school together...I went in the year after she left...
...new page...
I shift endlessly down a street as others walk by and do not notice me...I am spending much of my time working on things to fill up my life, forgetting the one life that should have meaning to me, my own...but I have known for too long...it's why I don't have a boyfriend...I am already married, and my husband is very jealous and keeps me locked in his attention...Senior Theatre and his little boy Peter Pan...
...save draft in folder, title it, notes on my life...
I will tuck it away for when I need to write my autobiography, or maybe get a play started...but for now I will go on...I wasn't suppose to type any of this...
...new post to be written I entitle it en la calle, because I want to write about this cool pic, but will end up writing superficial crap...
Seussical is going well. I am happy to busy my life away, and have enjoyed several new learning experiences that this process has begun to show me... I truly am looking for the "Tower of Learning." What a process. Several new and exciting people in my life and they are helping me, I thank them with all my heart. I have climbed a latter...grown up a little...I feel Peter Pan fading away...I watched Finding Neverland tonight and long to become young again, but the moment has passed, when I was too young to remember...
...insert story...
...insert point...
...marvel at my wittiness and wait for someone to comment, because I crave attention and need love...
...I wrap up the post, spell check it, look through the words and find better ones...
...look over realize I have my wonderful dog here (I have joint custody, long story for another time) and remember that life is worth living hug and kiss on him and then we both go to bed...
15 September 2005
adiós
Melanie: It isn't right, it isn't fair, it just is (Queer as Folk, Episode 406).
Sometimes, I get the feeling that the act of communication is dead. Yes, what my life has turned into is, "a failure to communicate." So, much is dependent on the act of communicating. Too bad we as human spend so much time learning how to only to give it up when we don't care.
Doctor: It's a priapism, a blood clot to the penis.
Emmett: Well that's better than a blood clot to the head.
Ted: Unless you think with your dick(Queer as Folk, Episode 209).
So many times have I said goodbye because of the lack of this simple, easy connection two people can make. I get mad at few things in my life enough to exit a situation. One, when I am under-appreciated. Two, when I am not wanted around. Finally, three is the discontinuation of fellowship.
It is not unknown that I run with a tight group of people I consider to be close to me. I tell them everything and more. I consider them advisors, cadre, familia, coterie, morale boosters, and most of all supporters of me. I expect them to question me and fight me, but to also see my side of things. If we differ on opinion then lets talk it out. If we agree to disagree then so be it. Sometimes we fight tooth and nail at things, but in the end we can communicate through things and remain amigos.
Because of this it is with no ease that I let one leave and exit my life. It is not my nature to be gregarious with friends I have loved as brothers...
...it feels like a vast vortex in my heart. I feel hurt...
...however, as I close a door tonight in my life, I turn the light on. Hoping that one so inclined will knock and after time be invited back in. I don't believe in burning bridges, however I do think of ends as sand upon a beach. Maybe, hopefully, oneday the sand will return and restore my shore. So too can friends come back and restore themselves. It takes time, but that is a valuable commodity so few are willing to give up. But, if the heart is willing it will be rewarded.
The light is on, and I am home.
Sometimes, I get the feeling that the act of communication is dead. Yes, what my life has turned into is, "a failure to communicate." So, much is dependent on the act of communicating. Too bad we as human spend so much time learning how to only to give it up when we don't care.
Doctor: It's a priapism, a blood clot to the penis.
Emmett: Well that's better than a blood clot to the head.
Ted: Unless you think with your dick(Queer as Folk, Episode 209).
So many times have I said goodbye because of the lack of this simple, easy connection two people can make. I get mad at few things in my life enough to exit a situation. One, when I am under-appreciated. Two, when I am not wanted around. Finally, three is the discontinuation of fellowship.
It is not unknown that I run with a tight group of people I consider to be close to me. I tell them everything and more. I consider them advisors, cadre, familia, coterie, morale boosters, and most of all supporters of me. I expect them to question me and fight me, but to also see my side of things. If we differ on opinion then lets talk it out. If we agree to disagree then so be it. Sometimes we fight tooth and nail at things, but in the end we can communicate through things and remain amigos.
Because of this it is with no ease that I let one leave and exit my life. It is not my nature to be gregarious with friends I have loved as brothers...
...it feels like a vast vortex in my heart. I feel hurt...
...however, as I close a door tonight in my life, I turn the light on. Hoping that one so inclined will knock and after time be invited back in. I don't believe in burning bridges, however I do think of ends as sand upon a beach. Maybe, hopefully, oneday the sand will return and restore my shore. So too can friends come back and restore themselves. It takes time, but that is a valuable commodity so few are willing to give up. But, if the heart is willing it will be rewarded.
The light is on, and I am home.
13 September 2005
cheers
Jennifer: He told the therapist that he likes dick.
Debbie: See, you already have something in common. I bet you were thinking you would never have anything to share again! (Queer as Folk, Episode 105)
Let's have a round for Lestat. He has finished cutting out Babs' muslin dress pattern for Seussical!!! Now I only have to put it together and try it on her! Superboy was real excited about my finds and I have most of whoville done. Yeah for small victories.
I am becoming much happier, even with my current perdicament. See earlier posts. My other show is going well. We had a breakthrough. I saw a spark hit them and they know now what this little play can be. Yeah for me as a director.
I saw 2 old friends this weekend. Had a great time at the bar on Sunday night. Let's just say, I walked home...
Okay, so as you can tell this blog is a, let's cheer Lestat up one. I can't wait for tomorrow night for drinks with Babs. It will be wonderful. I am sure. I have missed her so much and haven't been able to see her much since our trip to "The City" a few weeks ago.
I have been doing a lot of remembering of Prague. I miss it so much. To be there again and to experience it. The life and passion it brought out in me. What great times. My writing is at a stand still, but hey, what's new?
Life is getting better...I hope. I really want to see Emily Rose and piss my pants soon. Hopefully that will happen.
Debbie: See, you already have something in common. I bet you were thinking you would never have anything to share again! (Queer as Folk, Episode 105)
Let's have a round for Lestat. He has finished cutting out Babs' muslin dress pattern for Seussical!!! Now I only have to put it together and try it on her! Superboy was real excited about my finds and I have most of whoville done. Yeah for small victories.
I am becoming much happier, even with my current perdicament. See earlier posts. My other show is going well. We had a breakthrough. I saw a spark hit them and they know now what this little play can be. Yeah for me as a director.
I saw 2 old friends this weekend. Had a great time at the bar on Sunday night. Let's just say, I walked home...
Okay, so as you can tell this blog is a, let's cheer Lestat up one. I can't wait for tomorrow night for drinks with Babs. It will be wonderful. I am sure. I have missed her so much and haven't been able to see her much since our trip to "The City" a few weeks ago.
I have been doing a lot of remembering of Prague. I miss it so much. To be there again and to experience it. The life and passion it brought out in me. What great times. My writing is at a stand still, but hey, what's new?
Life is getting better...I hope. I really want to see Emily Rose and piss my pants soon. Hopefully that will happen.
11 September 2005
Rezo
Eileen: I was walking to work.
Robert: I had taken the subway like always.
Brian: My brother and I were fighting.
Rich: I was standing right there.
Casey: We were asleep; we had just made love and dozed off together.
Joshua: I had a speech that day, no one told me; I was miles away.
Robert: The subway stopped and blinked for several minutes, typical.
Eileen: There was a plane, flying, so beautifully, in an amazing path above me.
Rich: I waslked away and didn't even look at it, or see the plane.
Joshua: I had never seen it and never will.
Casey: We had slept in that day because we didn't have class until one.
Eileen: This plane flew with purpose. I knew something was very wrong.
Joshua: I was nervous for my speech so I didn't notice the world around me.
Robert: All of us sitting there waiting, it's funny I remember thinking about Godot.
Eileen: I saw it crash into...(long pause)...I turned around and went home, I didn't care about work and I figured they wouldn't mind if I called in sick.
Rich: I heard it. I fell. And finally started to run.
Joshua: Couldn't hear it, too far away. But later the busy signal was the only sound I could hear.
Casey: I woke up and saw the cloud from our window.
Brian: My brother got a call. I watched him put on his fireman's uniform and he had to go.
Robert: When I finally climbed the stairs I felt I had come out to this ghost town, where...the Ghosts were walking around.
Casey: We made love the rest of the day. We needed to feel, not alone.
Rich: If I had stayed there ten more minutes.
Brian: That minute we stopped fighting.
Joshua: My minutes on stage gave me an A in class, but all I wanted was to
All: Cry
~From Talking with Michelangelo. by Lestat Oberon
It doesn't seem that long to me, but I have relized it was 4 years ago. Wow, four years...and I still can hear the busy signal. I still remember how the day went. Everything as clearly as I lived it. Okay, so a little hazey here and there. I remember hearing from Casey, and days later him talking about the vigil being held in New York.
Casey: "You of all people should be here. This is what you are all about. We are all coming together, singing and holding on to one another. We are no longer alone."
I was lucky not to know anyone in the towers that was hurt. I new one that was in one of the towers, but got out, only to see her husband rush in to save a few more people. New York you are strong and my thoughts are with you. New Orleans I know you will be too. This is not the end, only a new beginning.
Robert: I had taken the subway like always.
Brian: My brother and I were fighting.
Rich: I was standing right there.
Casey: We were asleep; we had just made love and dozed off together.
Joshua: I had a speech that day, no one told me; I was miles away.
Robert: The subway stopped and blinked for several minutes, typical.
Eileen: There was a plane, flying, so beautifully, in an amazing path above me.
Rich: I waslked away and didn't even look at it, or see the plane.
Joshua: I had never seen it and never will.
Casey: We had slept in that day because we didn't have class until one.
Eileen: This plane flew with purpose. I knew something was very wrong.
Joshua: I was nervous for my speech so I didn't notice the world around me.
Robert: All of us sitting there waiting, it's funny I remember thinking about Godot.
Eileen: I saw it crash into...(long pause)...I turned around and went home, I didn't care about work and I figured they wouldn't mind if I called in sick.
Rich: I heard it. I fell. And finally started to run.
Joshua: Couldn't hear it, too far away. But later the busy signal was the only sound I could hear.
Casey: I woke up and saw the cloud from our window.
Brian: My brother got a call. I watched him put on his fireman's uniform and he had to go.
Robert: When I finally climbed the stairs I felt I had come out to this ghost town, where...the Ghosts were walking around.
Casey: We made love the rest of the day. We needed to feel, not alone.
Rich: If I had stayed there ten more minutes.
Brian: That minute we stopped fighting.
Joshua: My minutes on stage gave me an A in class, but all I wanted was to
All: Cry
~From Talking with Michelangelo. by Lestat Oberon
It doesn't seem that long to me, but I have relized it was 4 years ago. Wow, four years...and I still can hear the busy signal. I still remember how the day went. Everything as clearly as I lived it. Okay, so a little hazey here and there. I remember hearing from Casey, and days later him talking about the vigil being held in New York.
Casey: "You of all people should be here. This is what you are all about. We are all coming together, singing and holding on to one another. We are no longer alone."
I was lucky not to know anyone in the towers that was hurt. I new one that was in one of the towers, but got out, only to see her husband rush in to save a few more people. New York you are strong and my thoughts are with you. New Orleans I know you will be too. This is not the end, only a new beginning.
sonrisa grande
Genevieve: Can we ever be okay? Look at me; at what I've done to myself, I have lost the part of me I know. You took it. Look at my wrists. Sometimes I claw at them because I don't know what tomorrow holds for you or for me and you are right I do fear being alon. So, I leave thinking it won't hurt me, thingking this time I will be strong enough to say FUCK YOU! But I never am.
~from Talking with Michelangelo, Lestat Oberon
Someone asked me at rehearsals last night if I always smiled. This is a question I get asked regularly and the answer is yes. I am always smilling, however she then asked me a harder question. If I was as happy as I protrayed myself to be. I told her yes I am very happy. Obviously, I lied. It's amazing how easy it was. To tell her I was so very happy. She said good and told me how important that was and how glad she was that I was such a happy person.
Can we stop using the word happy.
And, usually I am a very happy person. I am filled with friends who love me and are near and dear to me. And as long as I have them I am the luckest man alive. I have to remember that.
But recently, I have been having anxioty attacks and have been very down. I wished I wasn't. I wished I was the man I purport myself to be. I just haven't been able to feel happy for a while. I am going on some anxioty pills this week. I hope that will help. I just feel drained. I feel like I shouldn't be, but I have every reason to be. I have filled my life with theatre again. Something I am all too happy to do, however, I am doing it to avoid. Which is very bad news.
Wow, an unplanned visit. Shakes is here so, I am very happy now. Maybe he will keep my mind at ease.
~from Talking with Michelangelo, Lestat Oberon
Someone asked me at rehearsals last night if I always smiled. This is a question I get asked regularly and the answer is yes. I am always smilling, however she then asked me a harder question. If I was as happy as I protrayed myself to be. I told her yes I am very happy. Obviously, I lied. It's amazing how easy it was. To tell her I was so very happy. She said good and told me how important that was and how glad she was that I was such a happy person.
Can we stop using the word happy.
And, usually I am a very happy person. I am filled with friends who love me and are near and dear to me. And as long as I have them I am the luckest man alive. I have to remember that.
But recently, I have been having anxioty attacks and have been very down. I wished I wasn't. I wished I was the man I purport myself to be. I just haven't been able to feel happy for a while. I am going on some anxioty pills this week. I hope that will help. I just feel drained. I feel like I shouldn't be, but I have every reason to be. I have filled my life with theatre again. Something I am all too happy to do, however, I am doing it to avoid. Which is very bad news.
Wow, an unplanned visit. Shakes is here so, I am very happy now. Maybe he will keep my mind at ease.
10 September 2005
tiempo de cierre
Ted: I saw you. Fucking. When I woke up. I thought: I'm in hell and this is my punishment, watching Brian Kinney fucking for all eternity. (Queer as Folk, Episode, 104)
Sometimes I don't know what to think or do. I am in a little bit of hell. Just 4 days out of my mental breakdown, and the world is still coming into focus for me. I don't know what to do sometimes. I wrote a letter to a friend tonight, who I hope will stay that way.
Just a little note to anyone that cares...
Corkey Latores died September 5th, 2005. He was loved and adored by many, and he will be missed. I enjoyed him while he lasted, but it is time to move on. I don't think we should call his name anymore, he has left us...let's just leave it at that.
I am trying to find time to write, but it is too hard. My two subjects feel my mind and I am crumbling at the emotions that are coming up in me. I don't know if Genevieve will guide me anymore. Has it been too long, of course the answer is no, but I miss her presence and I am loosing her voice. You are out there dear friend, talk to me. This new piece I am working on, well, lets just say I should take a break from for a bit. Come back to it later. Also, I need to find a composer/lyricist to write the music to my first piece. NO, it's not a musical, it is a play with music, ha ha.
So, anyway, Life is getting back to normal, well as normal as it can be. I was just put onto crew head for Man Who Camed to Dinner. I told them I was designing another show, wtf. Come on I am producing 2 things, directing, designing and acting, how the hell am I suppose to Crew Head a show. I will figure that out some other time.
I am almost finished with my Costume Bible for Seussical. Very Excited!!!
Babs, we must have drinks soon, I miss you babe.
with love,
Lestat
Sometimes I don't know what to think or do. I am in a little bit of hell. Just 4 days out of my mental breakdown, and the world is still coming into focus for me. I don't know what to do sometimes. I wrote a letter to a friend tonight, who I hope will stay that way.
Just a little note to anyone that cares...
Corkey Latores died September 5th, 2005. He was loved and adored by many, and he will be missed. I enjoyed him while he lasted, but it is time to move on. I don't think we should call his name anymore, he has left us...let's just leave it at that.
I am trying to find time to write, but it is too hard. My two subjects feel my mind and I am crumbling at the emotions that are coming up in me. I don't know if Genevieve will guide me anymore. Has it been too long, of course the answer is no, but I miss her presence and I am loosing her voice. You are out there dear friend, talk to me. This new piece I am working on, well, lets just say I should take a break from for a bit. Come back to it later. Also, I need to find a composer/lyricist to write the music to my first piece. NO, it's not a musical, it is a play with music, ha ha.
So, anyway, Life is getting back to normal, well as normal as it can be. I was just put onto crew head for Man Who Camed to Dinner. I told them I was designing another show, wtf. Come on I am producing 2 things, directing, designing and acting, how the hell am I suppose to Crew Head a show. I will figure that out some other time.
I am almost finished with my Costume Bible for Seussical. Very Excited!!!
Babs, we must have drinks soon, I miss you babe.
with love,
Lestat
09 September 2005
caída
Melanie: That's right; blame the Jew. (QAF Episode 201)
Sorry I haven't posted in a while. It's been not so good. I had a breakdown the other day and I am still dealing with it. I am a bit stretched thin right now and am now looking forward to the weekend. I love doing shows and having things to do, but there are a few things I am a bit ambitious about. These things are not working out. And perhaps they are working out for the better, but I am so tired of feeling like I am shit on. I am not flashy, I don't demand, I don't go after things as aggressively as I should. Perhaps this is my problem. Maybe I should become an asshole? But that is not my style. All I know is that once this show is over, it will be a while before the next musical I do. I am a great chorus boy and it will bring me lots of money in years to come, however, I miss doing things that matter. Things of substance and musicals have never been that for me. Yes, there are some, Cabaret, Rent, A Chorus Line, and Seussical has some great messages, but I am ready to move into my comfort zone again. I am ready to act again, and to not worry about smiling and dancing and singing and being cute. Not that all musicals are like that, but that's what I feel like right now. I also feel just a little out of my element during this show. I have strained my voice from ACL and it still hasn't healed. I am not hitting my tenor part, and it's driving me insane. I have never had problems with this tenor part, because it only goes up to a G for the most part and then the lead tenors take over from there. But I am having so many problems singing the part because I have so much strain on my voice. I have to jump down to base and that makes me feel inadequate, and like I don't deserve to be in the musical. Also, I can't sing the base part because it goes way too low for me half the time. Hello rock, how you doing hard place? On top of that I haven't seen or heard from my co-designer in about a week or two. I am running out of time and have had to design some of her stuff, but since I haven't heard from her, I don't know what else to do. I really wanted to get a guys number but a friend swooped in a got it first. It was neither of their faults, they both have every right to do that, but I am still a little sad. Also, he thinks I am mad at him for stealing the guy. Look you didn't steal him he chose you, and that is his decision. I have to respect that. I am mad about a few other things with him, but I guess I just need to bite the bullet and tell him, although I don't have time to sit and explain to him that he messed with a design of mine and what happens if he doesn’t like what I have for him to wear? I am also mad at a situation with someone he was linked to this summer, but oh well. I am hopefully going to see Superboy this weekend and maybe we can have some good clean fun, or go see a horror movie. I really want to see the Emily Rose movie. I want to pee my pants.
On a positive note...
I am so glad my Babs is back. Just seeing her makes my heart happy.
Sorry I haven't posted in a while. It's been not so good. I had a breakdown the other day and I am still dealing with it. I am a bit stretched thin right now and am now looking forward to the weekend. I love doing shows and having things to do, but there are a few things I am a bit ambitious about. These things are not working out. And perhaps they are working out for the better, but I am so tired of feeling like I am shit on. I am not flashy, I don't demand, I don't go after things as aggressively as I should. Perhaps this is my problem. Maybe I should become an asshole? But that is not my style. All I know is that once this show is over, it will be a while before the next musical I do. I am a great chorus boy and it will bring me lots of money in years to come, however, I miss doing things that matter. Things of substance and musicals have never been that for me. Yes, there are some, Cabaret, Rent, A Chorus Line, and Seussical has some great messages, but I am ready to move into my comfort zone again. I am ready to act again, and to not worry about smiling and dancing and singing and being cute. Not that all musicals are like that, but that's what I feel like right now. I also feel just a little out of my element during this show. I have strained my voice from ACL and it still hasn't healed. I am not hitting my tenor part, and it's driving me insane. I have never had problems with this tenor part, because it only goes up to a G for the most part and then the lead tenors take over from there. But I am having so many problems singing the part because I have so much strain on my voice. I have to jump down to base and that makes me feel inadequate, and like I don't deserve to be in the musical. Also, I can't sing the base part because it goes way too low for me half the time. Hello rock, how you doing hard place? On top of that I haven't seen or heard from my co-designer in about a week or two. I am running out of time and have had to design some of her stuff, but since I haven't heard from her, I don't know what else to do. I really wanted to get a guys number but a friend swooped in a got it first. It was neither of their faults, they both have every right to do that, but I am still a little sad. Also, he thinks I am mad at him for stealing the guy. Look you didn't steal him he chose you, and that is his decision. I have to respect that. I am mad about a few other things with him, but I guess I just need to bite the bullet and tell him, although I don't have time to sit and explain to him that he messed with a design of mine and what happens if he doesn’t like what I have for him to wear? I am also mad at a situation with someone he was linked to this summer, but oh well. I am hopefully going to see Superboy this weekend and maybe we can have some good clean fun, or go see a horror movie. I really want to see the Emily Rose movie. I want to pee my pants.
On a positive note...
I am so glad my Babs is back. Just seeing her makes my heart happy.
08 September 2005
The Ten Spot
10 years ago I was: Ten years ago I was about to have sex for the first time, with a boy.
5 years ago I was: I was in my second year of college having a blast. Sitting on top of the world.
1 year ago I was: I was doing West Side Story, and meeting my closest friends.
Yesterday I was: Having an emotional breakdown.
5 snacks I enjoy: Extreme Pizza Goldfish, popcorn, cookie dough swirled ice cream, munchies, and reeses peanut butter cups.
5 songs I know all the words to: Bohemian Rhapsody; Be My Yoko Ono; The Tower of Learning; Leaving Las Vegas; and Video Killed The Radio Star.
5 things I would do with 100 million dollars: Buy a house in Spain; Buy my own theatre; go hike all the places I wanted to around the world; move out of the U.S.; visit Prague whenever I needed to.
5 places I would run away to: Peru, Czech Republic, Spain, Italy, Greece
5 things I would never wear: a speedo; bra; lamp shade (as in only); colored socks; and leather vest.
5 favorite TV shows: Queer as Folk; Family Guy; Friends, 30 days; Six Feet Under.
5 bad habits: worring; doubting my abilities; procrastinating; falling in lust; being too lead by my emotions.
5 biggest joys: Friends; Theatre; Family; Finding out trival information about history/theatre, learning.
5 favorite toys: my scripts, sewing machine; my dvd's, books, and sketch pad
5 years ago I was: I was in my second year of college having a blast. Sitting on top of the world.
1 year ago I was: I was doing West Side Story, and meeting my closest friends.
Yesterday I was: Having an emotional breakdown.
5 snacks I enjoy: Extreme Pizza Goldfish, popcorn, cookie dough swirled ice cream, munchies, and reeses peanut butter cups.
5 songs I know all the words to: Bohemian Rhapsody; Be My Yoko Ono; The Tower of Learning; Leaving Las Vegas; and Video Killed The Radio Star.
5 things I would do with 100 million dollars: Buy a house in Spain; Buy my own theatre; go hike all the places I wanted to around the world; move out of the U.S.; visit Prague whenever I needed to.
5 places I would run away to: Peru, Czech Republic, Spain, Italy, Greece
5 things I would never wear: a speedo; bra; lamp shade (as in only); colored socks; and leather vest.
5 favorite TV shows: Queer as Folk; Family Guy; Friends, 30 days; Six Feet Under.
5 bad habits: worring; doubting my abilities; procrastinating; falling in lust; being too lead by my emotions.
5 biggest joys: Friends; Theatre; Family; Finding out trival information about history/theatre, learning.
5 favorite toys: my scripts, sewing machine; my dvd's, books, and sketch pad
04 September 2005
Cuando hombres y Fortuna me abandonan,
XXIX
Cuando hombres y Fortuna me abandonan,
lloro en la soledad de mi destierro,
y al cielo sordo con mis quejas canso
y maldigo al mirar mi desventura,
soñando ser más rico de esperanza,
bello como éste, como aquél rodeado,
deseando el arte de uno, el poder de otro,
insatisfecho con lo que me queda;
a pesar de que casi me desprecio,
pienso en ti y soy feliz y mi alma entonces,
como al amanecer la alondra, se alza
de la tierra sombría y canta al cielo:
pues recordar tu amor es cal fortuna
que no cambio mi estado con los reyes.
Soneta XXIX, William Shakespeare
Jason: I thought I could look on you and everything would be okay. But know I know, it was an ideal neither of us can live up to. You sit hear in a world where everything will always be okay, however, when others pierce the surface we see the imperfections. The loose ties you don't touch for fear of unraveling completely. Well, you better start looking and examining because the cords are frayed and coming undone fast. You cannot leave them because it will be worse for you. But really, don't listen to me. I just loved you.
~Chorus Boys in Love, L. Oberon
Taylor: You can't date him he's weird.
Jason: What are you talking about.
Taylor: Boiled bunnies, okay maybe not, but he's not all there...
Jason: But he love's me and he wants me which is more than I can say about anyone else. I am tired of being Jan Brady. I will not be her. I f*ck who I want when I want to. And he is the man I will sleep with tonight. I'm not going home alone.
Tyler: Is that what you are scared of?
Jason: Yes. No, if you please I will excuse myself to my bunny boiling fuck b*ddy.
Tyler: Jason wait, ahhhhh....
~Chorus Boys in Love, L. Oberon
Cuando hombres y Fortuna me abandonan,
lloro en la soledad de mi destierro,
y al cielo sordo con mis quejas canso
y maldigo al mirar mi desventura,
soñando ser más rico de esperanza,
bello como éste, como aquél rodeado,
deseando el arte de uno, el poder de otro,
insatisfecho con lo que me queda;
a pesar de que casi me desprecio,
pienso en ti y soy feliz y mi alma entonces,
como al amanecer la alondra, se alza
de la tierra sombría y canta al cielo:
pues recordar tu amor es cal fortuna
que no cambio mi estado con los reyes.
Soneta XXIX, William Shakespeare
Jason: I thought I could look on you and everything would be okay. But know I know, it was an ideal neither of us can live up to. You sit hear in a world where everything will always be okay, however, when others pierce the surface we see the imperfections. The loose ties you don't touch for fear of unraveling completely. Well, you better start looking and examining because the cords are frayed and coming undone fast. You cannot leave them because it will be worse for you. But really, don't listen to me. I just loved you.
~Chorus Boys in Love, L. Oberon
Taylor: You can't date him he's weird.
Jason: What are you talking about.
Taylor: Boiled bunnies, okay maybe not, but he's not all there...
Jason: But he love's me and he wants me which is more than I can say about anyone else. I am tired of being Jan Brady. I will not be her. I f*ck who I want when I want to. And he is the man I will sleep with tonight. I'm not going home alone.
Tyler: Is that what you are scared of?
Jason: Yes. No, if you please I will excuse myself to my bunny boiling fuck b*ddy.
Tyler: Jason wait, ahhhhh....
~Chorus Boys in Love, L. Oberon
02 September 2005
cólera del amor
Michael: It never changes. Someone drops -- we don’t know if he’s dead or alive -- but nobody misses a beat. The thumpa-thumpa goes on. (QAF Episode: 305)
WTF, okay after being bashed by the AP our lazy President W is having a PR moment saying that there isn't enough funding out there and "on its way." Oh nice Mr. W, I think we all get the point, let’s cover up the ugly woman protesting you out at Crawford on your lovely 2nd vacation of this year. Let’s put more fuel on the fire. The fact that we send our troops over to Iraq to fight in a war that is only another Vietnam is disheartening, but we don't send them into our own country to help the less fortunate. Hello, the people New Orleans are dying (and not just from the natural disaster now) and mayhem has ensued. So, let me get this straight, Bush’s war is more important than the lives of people in Louisiana, Mississippi, and Florida? Okay, I can see that! Obviously, let’s play world police and forget about us. Now, as most of you know I agree with helping other nations and giving aid when needed, but just how much are we helping? Andrew Sullivan said it best the other day in the Wednesday, August 24, 2005 article intitled Iraq's Women. I am just sick to death of us helping countries out and then screwing them up, and when it comes to our country not doing all we can. You don’t want to put our troops in danger, you should have thought a lot harder about sending them to Iraq. No, they need to go into New Orleans and help the distressed, the homeless (yes they are people too, in case you forgot), and the suffering. Are we also going to talk about how faggots should get married as your major agenda in this time like when we had just bombed Iraq for the first time? Or maybe, you are avoiding it like your military duty, you aren’t spending enough time on this because you are running for president again, wait, you can’t in case you don’t remember in the law books. I know, I know, it isn’t his fault completely, but it is very easy to blame the highest man on the totem pole.
On top of all this I am feeling that we have lost a great bit of our culture. Me and the E3 were discussing how this is the town the really gave us a huge part of our jazz culture. This is one of the only American art forms that is appreciated world wide as a turning point and advancement of us Americans. The Voodoo culture center is also suffered a blow. Yes I know there are Voodoo practitioners all over, but this is New Orleans, Louisiana. The ghost’s, the pets (thank you catpants), the love, art, history…where will they go? Will it be rebuilt, can we remember, well it’s been 4 years since Sept 11 and I don’t here any talk of a memorial around where I live. How soon will be forget this? I hope for America’s sake we can start to rebuild this vital city. This is one of our cultural centers. Part of the soul of this great country is New Orleans and my thoughts and meditations go out to it rising again. You will.
WTF, okay after being bashed by the AP our lazy President W is having a PR moment saying that there isn't enough funding out there and "on its way." Oh nice Mr. W, I think we all get the point, let’s cover up the ugly woman protesting you out at Crawford on your lovely 2nd vacation of this year. Let’s put more fuel on the fire. The fact that we send our troops over to Iraq to fight in a war that is only another Vietnam is disheartening, but we don't send them into our own country to help the less fortunate. Hello, the people New Orleans are dying (and not just from the natural disaster now) and mayhem has ensued. So, let me get this straight, Bush’s war is more important than the lives of people in Louisiana, Mississippi, and Florida? Okay, I can see that! Obviously, let’s play world police and forget about us. Now, as most of you know I agree with helping other nations and giving aid when needed, but just how much are we helping? Andrew Sullivan said it best the other day in the Wednesday, August 24, 2005 article intitled Iraq's Women. I am just sick to death of us helping countries out and then screwing them up, and when it comes to our country not doing all we can. You don’t want to put our troops in danger, you should have thought a lot harder about sending them to Iraq. No, they need to go into New Orleans and help the distressed, the homeless (yes they are people too, in case you forgot), and the suffering. Are we also going to talk about how faggots should get married as your major agenda in this time like when we had just bombed Iraq for the first time? Or maybe, you are avoiding it like your military duty, you aren’t spending enough time on this because you are running for president again, wait, you can’t in case you don’t remember in the law books. I know, I know, it isn’t his fault completely, but it is very easy to blame the highest man on the totem pole.
On top of all this I am feeling that we have lost a great bit of our culture. Me and the E3 were discussing how this is the town the really gave us a huge part of our jazz culture. This is one of the only American art forms that is appreciated world wide as a turning point and advancement of us Americans. The Voodoo culture center is also suffered a blow. Yes I know there are Voodoo practitioners all over, but this is New Orleans, Louisiana. The ghost’s, the pets (thank you catpants), the love, art, history…where will they go? Will it be rebuilt, can we remember, well it’s been 4 years since Sept 11 and I don’t here any talk of a memorial around where I live. How soon will be forget this? I hope for America’s sake we can start to rebuild this vital city. This is one of our cultural centers. Part of the soul of this great country is New Orleans and my thoughts and meditations go out to it rising again. You will.
expiración del tiempo
Brian: He who hesitates, doesn't get laid. (QAF Episode 406)
So after talking with E3 about this I mentioned it to Catpants and Babs and I had to write about it.
Expiration dates.
I believe that people have expiration dates. Okay yes, we have an inevidable expiration date, but in pre-relationships. Confused? Okay here goes...
So, say you are out or around and you meet someone. You start to click with them, even if it's on the sub conscious level. There starts an expiration process. Depending on how you play your cards, you can extend the date. Much like putting the milk in the fridge to keep it longer than keeping it out on the counter, well duh. Or wrapping your bread so it doesn't get hard (okay mind out of the gutters people).
So, here is the 411(I know I am so hip for last year), you have a set amount of time with someone before they loose interest, or you loose interest. Within this time period there are millions of factors...are they single or with someone? do you see them regularly or sparingly? what are their interests? where are they going?
These are just veriables in evaluating expiration dates. You tune into warning signs on how close you are getting to it, you smell the milk, squeeze the fruit, and see the brown (NOTE: these are only a few major variables to the equation, there are many more factors as well).
Smelling the Milk:
You begin to notice the ebb and flow of your happiness together. Once you learn how much time to spend together and how much to spend apart, you can control more the ultimite date.
Squeezing the Fruit:
You begin to notice certain affection coming your way. Controlling the "god" status is important in this stage. Both of you must figure out how not to put the other on a pedistal. Stop thinking of people as Ideas and your time will increase.
See the Brown:
You begin to listen to the words of your friends around you. If they seem secretive to you about the "crush" you are in the green light. When they begin to talk about both of your attraction and you haven't hooked up in someway, then red lights all over.
The most important thing in all of this is communication. Timing, is always of the essence, you have to wait till the time is right to talk to them about this. The milk will sour immediately when timing is off, and will sour immediately. This is the hardest. If you pop the question too soon, it will be out of nowhere and you will not get anywhere. If you wait to late, your expiration will blow up. If either of these happens you loose any chance of a relationship rather love or friendship.
There is an adendum to this. Like all good things, the end is not the end. We are cyclic in nature. There is a time to be reborn and get a new expiration date or to "repair" the relationship to that of friendship. It takes time, tears and talking, but can be achieved. Nothing undone is not then redoable, it just takes longer. You need to go back and take the time to make your senses more keen.
To listen, kinesthetically, emotionally and audiably to them. This is not hard and steadfast a method. It is one that includes many more honing of the senses and preceptors to accomplish. But inevitably we know, to quote Billy Shakes, in our heart of hearts, when that time expires and when it can be rejuvinated.
So after talking with E3 about this I mentioned it to Catpants and Babs and I had to write about it.
Expiration dates.
I believe that people have expiration dates. Okay yes, we have an inevidable expiration date, but in pre-relationships. Confused? Okay here goes...
So, say you are out or around and you meet someone. You start to click with them, even if it's on the sub conscious level. There starts an expiration process. Depending on how you play your cards, you can extend the date. Much like putting the milk in the fridge to keep it longer than keeping it out on the counter, well duh. Or wrapping your bread so it doesn't get hard (okay mind out of the gutters people).
So, here is the 411(I know I am so hip for last year), you have a set amount of time with someone before they loose interest, or you loose interest. Within this time period there are millions of factors...are they single or with someone? do you see them regularly or sparingly? what are their interests? where are they going?
These are just veriables in evaluating expiration dates. You tune into warning signs on how close you are getting to it, you smell the milk, squeeze the fruit, and see the brown (NOTE: these are only a few major variables to the equation, there are many more factors as well).
Smelling the Milk:
You begin to notice the ebb and flow of your happiness together. Once you learn how much time to spend together and how much to spend apart, you can control more the ultimite date.
Squeezing the Fruit:
You begin to notice certain affection coming your way. Controlling the "god" status is important in this stage. Both of you must figure out how not to put the other on a pedistal. Stop thinking of people as Ideas and your time will increase.
See the Brown:
You begin to listen to the words of your friends around you. If they seem secretive to you about the "crush" you are in the green light. When they begin to talk about both of your attraction and you haven't hooked up in someway, then red lights all over.
The most important thing in all of this is communication. Timing, is always of the essence, you have to wait till the time is right to talk to them about this. The milk will sour immediately when timing is off, and will sour immediately. This is the hardest. If you pop the question too soon, it will be out of nowhere and you will not get anywhere. If you wait to late, your expiration will blow up. If either of these happens you loose any chance of a relationship rather love or friendship.
There is an adendum to this. Like all good things, the end is not the end. We are cyclic in nature. There is a time to be reborn and get a new expiration date or to "repair" the relationship to that of friendship. It takes time, tears and talking, but can be achieved. Nothing undone is not then redoable, it just takes longer. You need to go back and take the time to make your senses more keen.
To listen, kinesthetically, emotionally and audiably to them. This is not hard and steadfast a method. It is one that includes many more honing of the senses and preceptors to accomplish. But inevitably we know, to quote Billy Shakes, in our heart of hearts, when that time expires and when it can be rejuvinated.
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