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Originally uploaded by lestatoberon.

Melanie: That's right; blame the Jew. (QAF Episode 201)

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. It's been not so good. I had a breakdown the other day and I am still dealing with it. I am a bit stretched thin right now and am now looking forward to the weekend. I love doing shows and having things to do, but there are a few things I am a bit ambitious about. These things are not working out. And perhaps they are working out for the better, but I am so tired of feeling like I am shit on. I am not flashy, I don't demand, I don't go after things as aggressively as I should. Perhaps this is my problem. Maybe I should become an asshole? But that is not my style. All I know is that once this show is over, it will be a while before the next musical I do. I am a great chorus boy and it will bring me lots of money in years to come, however, I miss doing things that matter. Things of substance and musicals have never been that for me. Yes, there are some, Cabaret, Rent, A Chorus Line, and Seussical has some great messages, but I am ready to move into my comfort zone again. I am ready to act again, and to not worry about smiling and dancing and singing and being cute. Not that all musicals are like that, but that's what I feel like right now. I also feel just a little out of my element during this show. I have strained my voice from ACL and it still hasn't healed. I am not hitting my tenor part, and it's driving me insane. I have never had problems with this tenor part, because it only goes up to a G for the most part and then the lead tenors take over from there. But I am having so many problems singing the part because I have so much strain on my voice. I have to jump down to base and that makes me feel inadequate, and like I don't deserve to be in the musical. Also, I can't sing the base part because it goes way too low for me half the time. Hello rock, how you doing hard place? On top of that I haven't seen or heard from my co-designer in about a week or two. I am running out of time and have had to design some of her stuff, but since I haven't heard from her, I don't know what else to do. I really wanted to get a guys number but a friend swooped in a got it first. It was neither of their faults, they both have every right to do that, but I am still a little sad. Also, he thinks I am mad at him for stealing the guy. Look you didn't steal him he chose you, and that is his decision. I have to respect that. I am mad about a few other things with him, but I guess I just need to bite the bullet and tell him, although I don't have time to sit and explain to him that he messed with a design of mine and what happens if he doesn’t like what I have for him to wear? I am also mad at a situation with someone he was linked to this summer, but oh well. I am hopefully going to see Superboy this weekend and maybe we can have some good clean fun, or go see a horror movie. I really want to see the Emily Rose movie. I want to pee my pants.

On a positive note...

I am so glad my Babs is back. Just seeing her makes my heart happy.