adiós

adiós
Originally uploaded by lestatoberon.

Melanie: It isn't right, it isn't fair, it just is (Queer as Folk, Episode 406).

Sometimes, I get the feeling that the act of communication is dead. Yes, what my life has turned into is, "a failure to communicate." So, much is dependent on the act of communicating. Too bad we as human spend so much time learning how to only to give it up when we don't care.

Doctor: It's a priapism, a blood clot to the penis.
Emmett: Well that's better than a blood clot to the head.
Ted: Unless you think with your dick(Queer as Folk, Episode 209).

So many times have I said goodbye because of the lack of this simple, easy connection two people can make. I get mad at few things in my life enough to exit a situation. One, when I am under-appreciated. Two, when I am not wanted around. Finally, three is the discontinuation of fellowship.

It is not unknown that I run with a tight group of people I consider to be close to me. I tell them everything and more. I consider them advisors, cadre, familia, coterie, morale boosters, and most of all supporters of me. I expect them to question me and fight me, but to also see my side of things. If we differ on opinion then lets talk it out. If we agree to disagree then so be it. Sometimes we fight tooth and nail at things, but in the end we can communicate through things and remain amigos.

Because of this it is with no ease that I let one leave and exit my life. It is not my nature to be gregarious with friends I have loved as brothers...

...it feels like a vast vortex in my heart. I feel hurt...

...however, as I close a door tonight in my life, I turn the light on. Hoping that one so inclined will knock and after time be invited back in. I don't believe in burning bridges, however I do think of ends as sand upon a beach. Maybe, hopefully, oneday the sand will return and restore my shore. So too can friends come back and restore themselves. It takes time, but that is a valuable commodity so few are willing to give up. But, if the heart is willing it will be rewarded.

The light is on, and I am home.