Day 29 down on to day 28

Howie: It's my turn to wait, and I will wait long enough.
~Broken Hearts Club

It is my turn to wait, and wait long enough...not for you, but for someone who is worthy of me. someone who I will fall madly for. Already, you romove the sex, and the romatantic comes full force. But sitting at the bar, staring at a boy who for right now is perfect, but who is not ready for me. I have to remember that I have to wait. Timing in comedy is everything, and it is the same for life. I am always so sad that as far as it is known Aristotle only wrote about tragedy. Perhaps this is because he knew tragedy needed rules, but comedy from the beginning of time on has always had specific rules. I know I am over exageratting, but in my opinion tragedy is broad, and comedy is narrow. Everyone can see in an instant when something in comedy works, where in tragedy there are many combinations that might work, or that do work. I think I would have enjoyed Aristotle's anal retentiveness more if he had written about comedy. I like many of the Christina Yang's of this world (I know I am Meredith, but really they are cut from the same cloth and I share Yang's sense of ocd) am obsessed with textbook answers. Comedy is textbook, and hard. You have to be born with it or overly study the manual. The reason I am so good at comedy is I am textbook with it. I follow the rules. I wasn't born into it, and although I was born a storyteller, I am not a natural actor. I have had to study and grind and build my craft. That is why it is so interesting to me to see natural talent. That is why I am so impressed by it, even knowing that although it is so impressive, they often lack the disipline of learned actors. Not to mention the degrees in between, let me go binary for a moment (i know I hate binary, but for the purposes of this blog I will amuse the binarists out there). I need to become proud of who I am again. I think that is why I am going onto these 30 days. And hopefully I can keep it up, and find out things to let me aquire the will to be proud, without the need for people to recognize it. That is really what this is about, I need to focus on that rather than the romantic notions that I am doing this for a man, because in the end, if I don't do it for myself, its not worth it...I think we have hit the stage of pre-mature enlightenment, we may be able to go somewhere with this, if I don't focus on it and use it as a shield to become enlightened...Ok, I am exhaused I should go to bed.