el comenzar otra vez

Mysterious Marilyn: God writes the scripts, sweetie, I just read the lines.

Five years later and I hope that you find him standing at your doorway...telling you the same thing you said to me...

So life has been interesting since I've taken a hiatus from writing. I started a company, I watched it grow, and watched it grow into something I never wanted it to be. I cannot tell you how ready I am to let it go. I watched close friends turn into horrible people, strangers turn into best friends and life become an interesting circus of fun and excitement.

Five years that feel like ten and I still don't know if it was him or me who left.

I put my love life on hiatus, or rather should I say, fell into a string of men who would never work out. I have now labeled myself man repellent. Given up on love, fell in love with men and got my heart broken, because, well I'm man repellent and they don't love me back. I missed chances and let men go...yes, I can admit that now, I did miss out on several loves, because of life, and life in the theatre...

I dusted the print off and saw myself in the young man full of anger.

When I look back at the art I made, it is a sense of pride, there is no regret in what I did, but doing it for what, for myself...selfish...for my friends...did I want their love???did I do it for the art...was it that good or am I looking through the goggles of nostalgia? I don't remember why I started, but I know why I did it in the end for all the reasons listed. Was I wrong, Am I right to feel guilt...maybe...All I know is that I had a wonderful time, a horrible time and a hell of a lot of craziness that would make up the last five years. It was worth it to see the art and the love that I have seen happen with the theatre. I will now close this chapter, and move on to another chapter...or maybe just revisit a time before owning a company.

And then he left me...the gods forbid in earnest shall we say...

So, I will soon be leaving the shores of Spain to go back stateside. Yes, I am coming home, in a way. Growing up in Texas was not an easy task. So, I'm now I'm taking a huge leap of faith and when I visited my friends fell in love with a new place far away from Texas and quite a bit more blue than the lone star state. As long as I have felt like I was in a different world I'm no longer in a different world, this has become my home and its time to set sail again. become nomadic again. become new again.

We shall see. As for now, lets see if I can post again tomorrow.