Michael: In ways that maybe no one intended, those superheroes were a lot like me. At work, they’re meek, underappreciated… they’re the guys that never get laid. And when they’re around other people, they can never let anyone get too close for fear that their true identities will be discovered. (QAF Episode: 206)
I just wish sometimes we had built in vactations for life, or maybe hours in the day no one knows about as my friend the E3 says. I passed out today at around 6:10, only to wake up not too long ago. Damn. I mean it was great, but now I won't go back to sleep for ever. I will be up for hours, when really I need to be sleeping. My promise to go run tomorrow might not happen. I will keep you posted. I feel very tired and unwilling to finish certain tasks on my plate. I need a vacation, but maybe this weekend will lend itself to me. I hope so.
I just started classes, and they seem to be going well. I am happy to have that distraction. Life is pretty fuzzy for me right now.
LA and FL, I still don't want to talk about, but I will try. My family is from LA, they are rooted in that culture. For Christmas we eat étouffée, and Thanksgiving it's gumbo. We talk de by u talk, when around each other. My Great-grandmother was hit by a moving car, and lived to tell the tale. They are an amazing people. The are hard, strong and undistructable. The too will get through this, and come out with better jazz and more stories.
Florida is where my sister just moved to. She just recently received electricity, and most things are still not open. For her, she is safe with her child and husband. I am thankful and thank the Person upstairs for that.
This is all I can say for now...other than, our thoughts are with you.
Gas prices, well, I think we should all go public trans all the way. Screw you SUV land, I don't want no SUV!!!
The men in my life keep slipping away from me. I am going to end alone, with snakes, yuch, or cats, maybe, or a hundred dogs (this won't be so bad).
I saw an interesting man on campus the other day. One of my old flames (take that how you will, he did), he didn't seem to recognize me, or maybe that was the point. I just found it interesting that after a year, I still could feel his touch. amazing how seeing an old flame can do that to you. hmmm.
I am ready to start dancing again. I need to move. Seussical, get in gear. And when am I going to find times for costumes? Damn...
Well, guys I am going to try to do somethings, I will post tomorrow, I am sure...
L
31 August 2005
Rasguño de mi cabeza
Debbie: Ben, honey, the next time you talk to him, would you please tell him I love him up to the sky and back? (QAF Episode: 401)
So, to those of you out there wondering why I haven't commented on the recent tragedy called Katrina, well I have been avoiding it. I hardly ever talk about my family, especially on here. I love my parents, sister, and extended family, however, I am not one who believes that blood is thicker than marinara sauce.
I have had family in LA and FL who have been effected by this. I feel for them. I hear from my mother reports everday I can hear them. I find out what I need to know. I feel for them. There families, but it is just not something I know how to deal with.
I know I am lame. I have this huge sadness the back of my mind. It is very heavy and I am always aware of it. Maybe this is why I am working 18 out of 24 hours a day, on something. I do take time for my self. But I really should meditate more. Deal with this, find some peace about what has happened.
I promise myself,
I will think about this tonight and meditate.
I promise I will run tomorrow, before work.
I promise I will not think to much about the negative of life, only positive.
L
So, to those of you out there wondering why I haven't commented on the recent tragedy called Katrina, well I have been avoiding it. I hardly ever talk about my family, especially on here. I love my parents, sister, and extended family, however, I am not one who believes that blood is thicker than marinara sauce.
I have had family in LA and FL who have been effected by this. I feel for them. I hear from my mother reports everday I can hear them. I find out what I need to know. I feel for them. There families, but it is just not something I know how to deal with.
I know I am lame. I have this huge sadness the back of my mind. It is very heavy and I am always aware of it. Maybe this is why I am working 18 out of 24 hours a day, on something. I do take time for my self. But I really should meditate more. Deal with this, find some peace about what has happened.
I promise myself,
I will think about this tonight and meditate.
I promise I will run tomorrow, before work.
I promise I will not think to much about the negative of life, only positive.
L
30 August 2005
¿Un qué estado estoy adentro?
So, yes, it is official I am an ass.
Brian: What would you like me to do?
Jennifer: Touch him. Help him be touched.
Brian: You want me to fuck him?
Jennifer: You're the one he trusts, if that's what it takes. (QAF Episode: 202)
I skipped out of being with a friend who is very dear to me, but who I can't be around right now, to go have a nice fuck...
Emmett: I may be a slut, but at least I'm an honest slut. (QAF Episode: 203)
...Yeah, he was way hot, and the passion was there and he is leaving for war in a few days (did you really think all our soldiers were straight), but I am being an asshole. I know.
But, I did the one thing I promised myself this time I wouldn't do. Tell him I had feelings for him. I am Brian Kenny for fuck sake! I fuck and don't show any emotion afterward, but here recently I have been feeling time and wanting to be with someone I could fall in love with.
So, what do I do, fall for the first unavailable guy that comes around to prove to myself that I can't have love. Then, tell him said sad story and now, I can't talk to him like I used to. He hates me now. I can feel it. It's horrible. And I don't know how to fix it, but just be the dick I am.
Well, this heartless ass needs to go to bed. I have another meeting with army dude later this week...I have to rest up so I can fuck all night and go to work the next day.
Brian: What would you like me to do?
Jennifer: Touch him. Help him be touched.
Brian: You want me to fuck him?
Jennifer: You're the one he trusts, if that's what it takes. (QAF Episode: 202)
I skipped out of being with a friend who is very dear to me, but who I can't be around right now, to go have a nice fuck...
Emmett: I may be a slut, but at least I'm an honest slut. (QAF Episode: 203)
...Yeah, he was way hot, and the passion was there and he is leaving for war in a few days (did you really think all our soldiers were straight), but I am being an asshole. I know.
But, I did the one thing I promised myself this time I wouldn't do. Tell him I had feelings for him. I am Brian Kenny for fuck sake! I fuck and don't show any emotion afterward, but here recently I have been feeling time and wanting to be with someone I could fall in love with.
So, what do I do, fall for the first unavailable guy that comes around to prove to myself that I can't have love. Then, tell him said sad story and now, I can't talk to him like I used to. He hates me now. I can feel it. It's horrible. And I don't know how to fix it, but just be the dick I am.
Well, this heartless ass needs to go to bed. I have another meeting with army dude later this week...I have to rest up so I can fuck all night and go to work the next day.
29 August 2005
27 August 2005
The seven list...
Seven Things I Plan To Do Before I Die
Have my play make a workshop and be performed
Publish a book
Live in a foriegn country
Cross the Atlantic in a boat
Get married and have a family
Sky dive
Get a Doctorate
Seven things I can do
Speak Spanish well enought to survive in Spain(Yo hablo espanol)
Sew/Tailor
Fence (with a foil, ie I am a fencer, you know swords)
Survival Camps (dump me in the middle of no where with only the basics)
Make a fantastic (not being sarcastic see below) étouffée
Make people laugh
Win Trival Pursuit (the real game)
Seven things I can not do
Fly like Superman
Cheat on a boyfriend
Work a normal 8 to 5 job for an extended period of time
Travel through time....yet. (Thanks Markham, I stole this one)
Clean my whole house and keep it clean for longer than a week
Play baseball
Fix a carborator
Seven things that I find really attractive about the same sex
Eyes
Smiles
Strength
Video game playing
Need to provide
Dedication to a task
Voice
Seven things I say the most
Que? or What?
Fuck
Okay
Buenos dias/tardes/noche
Fantastic, rather sarcastically mostly
Adios
Right
Seven books I love
The book of Laughter and Forgetting - Milan Kundera
1984 - George Orwell
My Cold War - Tom Piazza
The Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
1968 - Mark Kurlansky
The Lord of the Rings/Hobbit - JRR Tolkin
Imzadi - Peter David
Seven people I would like to see take this test
TJ
Babs
Catpants
E3
Chris
Wil Wheaton
George W Bush
Have my play make a workshop and be performed
Publish a book
Live in a foriegn country
Cross the Atlantic in a boat
Get married and have a family
Sky dive
Get a Doctorate
Seven things I can do
Speak Spanish well enought to survive in Spain(Yo hablo espanol)
Sew/Tailor
Fence (with a foil, ie I am a fencer, you know swords)
Survival Camps (dump me in the middle of no where with only the basics)
Make a fantastic (not being sarcastic see below) étouffée
Make people laugh
Win Trival Pursuit (the real game)
Seven things I can not do
Fly like Superman
Cheat on a boyfriend
Work a normal 8 to 5 job for an extended period of time
Travel through time....yet. (Thanks Markham, I stole this one)
Clean my whole house and keep it clean for longer than a week
Play baseball
Fix a carborator
Seven things that I find really attractive about the same sex
Eyes
Smiles
Strength
Video game playing
Need to provide
Dedication to a task
Voice
Seven things I say the most
Que? or What?
Fuck
Okay
Buenos dias/tardes/noche
Fantastic, rather sarcastically mostly
Adios
Right
Seven books I love
The book of Laughter and Forgetting - Milan Kundera
1984 - George Orwell
My Cold War - Tom Piazza
The Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
1968 - Mark Kurlansky
The Lord of the Rings/Hobbit - JRR Tolkin
Imzadi - Peter David
Seven people I would like to see take this test
TJ
Babs
Catpants
E3
Chris
Wil Wheaton
George W Bush
en pensamiento
QAF Quote:
Justin: His eyes were closed, his mouth was open, in a sort of smile, like he was in another place, a beautiful place, and that place was me. (102)
Advertencia: partido de la compasión a continuación
Okay, so pass the frantic emotional state I have been in today, I have doing a lot of thinking.
Last night I was told that he wants to help in any way he can...
I just sat there thinking. The only thing I want from him right now is for him to come over, hold me and tell me it is all going to be alright.
I can't ask that of him...
Armand:The world changes, we do not, there lies the irony that finally kills us.
I don't know what to say to him now. What can I say, "Ugh, yeah, I know I just spilled the beans about falling for you, but let us erase that and go on from here."
I feel like I'm in high school.
Louis:I'm flesh and blood, but not human. I haven't been human for two hundred years.
I also feel a little dead inside from all of this. And I am sure that will continue through me. I don't feel alive...
Possibly because I have spent my life in the theatre searching for things that inspire me. Or could it be the string of men who only love me because of the sex we have. Okay, I get it, I am good in bed, let's move out of that territory into the living room. Or maybe, I don't know what to do with my life right now. I write when I can. I should be turning out a book a day with how much I want to write, but don't have time to...
I need to finish my plays, but is that my form of escapism? And more importantly is that okay?
I am in the hole financially again...
I haven't had a decent role in 2 years, and I was trained in Shakespeare...
wow, right now, life sucks, but I am going to a movie with TJ tonight and we aren't going to talk about our boys that we like, and tomorrow I will get to see my Babs...Oh happy day...
I am bitter, sad, and not well today, as you can see from my two posts. Oh well, we will see what tomorrow holds...
Justin: His eyes were closed, his mouth was open, in a sort of smile, like he was in another place, a beautiful place, and that place was me. (102)
Advertencia: partido de la compasión a continuación
Okay, so pass the frantic emotional state I have been in today, I have doing a lot of thinking.
Last night I was told that he wants to help in any way he can...
I just sat there thinking. The only thing I want from him right now is for him to come over, hold me and tell me it is all going to be alright.
I can't ask that of him...
Armand:The world changes, we do not, there lies the irony that finally kills us.
I don't know what to say to him now. What can I say, "Ugh, yeah, I know I just spilled the beans about falling for you, but let us erase that and go on from here."
I feel like I'm in high school.
Louis:I'm flesh and blood, but not human. I haven't been human for two hundred years.
I also feel a little dead inside from all of this. And I am sure that will continue through me. I don't feel alive...
Possibly because I have spent my life in the theatre searching for things that inspire me. Or could it be the string of men who only love me because of the sex we have. Okay, I get it, I am good in bed, let's move out of that territory into the living room. Or maybe, I don't know what to do with my life right now. I write when I can. I should be turning out a book a day with how much I want to write, but don't have time to...
I need to finish my plays, but is that my form of escapism? And more importantly is that okay?
I am in the hole financially again...
I haven't had a decent role in 2 years, and I was trained in Shakespeare...
wow, right now, life sucks, but I am going to a movie with TJ tonight and we aren't going to talk about our boys that we like, and tomorrow I will get to see my Babs...Oh happy day...
I am bitter, sad, and not well today, as you can see from my two posts. Oh well, we will see what tomorrow holds...
sobre ayer a noche
Brian: Did I mention it hurts like a motherfucker? (414)
Brian: I'd run away screaming, but it's been a long day. (203)
Brian: This used to be such a magical kingdom full of sprites and fairies. (314)
Michael: I don't wanna be a saint. I wanna be a ruthless, heartless shit who fucks whoever he wants without conscience or remorse!
Brian: Sorry, that position has already been filled. (118)
So...
Sobre ayer a noche...
After several drinks, I did something I didn't want to do. I always seem to find guys that I want to fall in love with, but can't...Timing, boyfriend, fill in the blank. And recently this has been the case. But last night was a clusterfuck, and I do mean that in the gravest sense...
Exhibit One,
Riff called the other day out of the blue wanting to take me to Austin for Labor Day. I can't go back to that uncertainty, but not only that, he threw a big curve ball at me. We talked about he man he used to love and how he missed out on that and how he is very sad by that. We cut through the bullshit, as we did from time to time back in West Side. But what of that. I can't do that. I can't be that to you. I did fall for you and I did tell you, and well, I waited for a long time. Time is up...He asked me if I didn't believe his story. I told him I did. I think that is the problem, he hasn't dealt with that man. And then I pulled the black card out about how I wished he was truer to himself. Which he took the wrong way and had to hang up.
Exhibit Two,
Several of my friends are going through hell and it has ran a toll on them. I am adversly effected, because I love them. I feel for them and I worry. I love them, and I am happy they are in my life. And I want to tell them this too will pass...
Exhibit Three,
We all had planned to go out. Well, after that fateful phone call I shouldn't have, but I did. This boy wanted to be there for me. We are close friends and I love him so much. But that is the problem...I do have more than friendship feelings for this man. And I have to push him away. And I feel like an asshole, because I am. And tonight, I told him why I have to push him away. Because it's not going to happen. He doesn't have those feelings for me, or if he does, he is happy with his boyfriend. We talked for a long time. And we agreed to stay excellent friends...
...now all I want to do is cry...
and I have, a lot, and I will a lot. and life will go on. I just feel like an idiot. Okay stike that, I am an idiot. I should have never said anything. Now, I will always feel guilty around him. It is my fault. I will never fall in love...and that's okay...
The quotes are from my favorite show that ended, Queer as Folk...Thank you for the laughter and tears. The good and the bad. I think I will always remember these quotes, and many more. I post these because of where I am right now. Talk to me Brian, I need your support...
Cheers loves, I am going to go out and get on with my life today...
Brian: I'd run away screaming, but it's been a long day. (203)
Brian: This used to be such a magical kingdom full of sprites and fairies. (314)
Michael: I don't wanna be a saint. I wanna be a ruthless, heartless shit who fucks whoever he wants without conscience or remorse!
Brian: Sorry, that position has already been filled. (118)
So...
Sobre ayer a noche...
After several drinks, I did something I didn't want to do. I always seem to find guys that I want to fall in love with, but can't...Timing, boyfriend, fill in the blank. And recently this has been the case. But last night was a clusterfuck, and I do mean that in the gravest sense...
Exhibit One,
Riff called the other day out of the blue wanting to take me to Austin for Labor Day. I can't go back to that uncertainty, but not only that, he threw a big curve ball at me. We talked about he man he used to love and how he missed out on that and how he is very sad by that. We cut through the bullshit, as we did from time to time back in West Side. But what of that. I can't do that. I can't be that to you. I did fall for you and I did tell you, and well, I waited for a long time. Time is up...He asked me if I didn't believe his story. I told him I did. I think that is the problem, he hasn't dealt with that man. And then I pulled the black card out about how I wished he was truer to himself. Which he took the wrong way and had to hang up.
Exhibit Two,
Several of my friends are going through hell and it has ran a toll on them. I am adversly effected, because I love them. I feel for them and I worry. I love them, and I am happy they are in my life. And I want to tell them this too will pass...
Exhibit Three,
We all had planned to go out. Well, after that fateful phone call I shouldn't have, but I did. This boy wanted to be there for me. We are close friends and I love him so much. But that is the problem...I do have more than friendship feelings for this man. And I have to push him away. And I feel like an asshole, because I am. And tonight, I told him why I have to push him away. Because it's not going to happen. He doesn't have those feelings for me, or if he does, he is happy with his boyfriend. We talked for a long time. And we agreed to stay excellent friends...
...now all I want to do is cry...
and I have, a lot, and I will a lot. and life will go on. I just feel like an idiot. Okay stike that, I am an idiot. I should have never said anything. Now, I will always feel guilty around him. It is my fault. I will never fall in love...and that's okay...
The quotes are from my favorite show that ended, Queer as Folk...Thank you for the laughter and tears. The good and the bad. I think I will always remember these quotes, and many more. I post these because of where I am right now. Talk to me Brian, I need your support...
Cheers loves, I am going to go out and get on with my life today...
26 August 2005
I can't believe this day is coming, Thanks Babs!
My pirate name is:
Bloody John Bonney
Every pirate lives for something different. For some, it's the open sea. For others (the masochists), it's the food. For you, it's definitely the fighting. You can be a little bit unpredictable, but a pirate's life is far from full of certainties, so that fits in pretty well. Arr!
Get your own pirate name from fidius.org.
feliz dicha
Okay, so I am reminded of a moment me and Babs spent together one night watching Jerry MacGuire. Okay, lets bypass the Tom Cruise jokes for now. What is it about that moment. And how did those bastards find a way to coin that moment.
"You had me at Hello."
Oh please can I have an order of that with a side of great sex. This is what we want. Romanticism. But really come on am I just deluding myself? Or could I be creating a bigger rift then into a inlay of Romanticism? By doing that, am I putting up a wall that says, I am not going to believe in Romanticism, so that later I can say I destroyed that way and found it anyway. Then, as if that wasn't a complex enough, I tell my self not to believe in it, you are crazy creating this cliche out of cliche. I just know it's late, and I've had a few. I will laugh at the drunkeness of my blog tomorrow.
And by the way, to someone out there, "you had me at hello" now lets go from there...
"You had me at Hello."
Oh please can I have an order of that with a side of great sex. This is what we want. Romanticism. But really come on am I just deluding myself? Or could I be creating a bigger rift then into a inlay of Romanticism? By doing that, am I putting up a wall that says, I am not going to believe in Romanticism, so that later I can say I destroyed that way and found it anyway. Then, as if that wasn't a complex enough, I tell my self not to believe in it, you are crazy creating this cliche out of cliche. I just know it's late, and I've had a few. I will laugh at the drunkeness of my blog tomorrow.
And by the way, to someone out there, "you had me at hello" now lets go from there...
23 August 2005
composición de la vida
Taylor- Does he know that you are in love with him?
Johnathan- What?
Taylor- You don't even know yet?
Johnathan-That?
Taylor- You are in love with him...
~Chorus Boys in Love, L. Oberon
I wrote these few lines the other day. That's it for me. They sound like something I have heard. I don't know. What the hell is this play about other than a love rectangle. How boring is that. My last play was about time and why do we exist, and wtf questions. How can I go from deep to fluff? But you know, I do that with movies all the time. I watch very deep movies and then throw in fluff. I guess that is what we all do.
As you can see I am avoiding everything today. Including the whole damn Pat Robertson Crap. You are a bad, bad, bad man, maybe not as bad as Jerry Falwell, but very bad none the less. I pitty you. For you know no love or tolerance.
Thanks for the shout out Babs, I miss you.
I feel like just sitting here and putting this passage in front of me just to stare at it.
Just to look and say what the hell. Where do I go from here. The choose your own adventure of my life showing me which choices lead where.
The problem is, I can't look ahead so much. I can only look as far as my eye can see.
Pity, party of one...
Johnathan- What?
Taylor- You don't even know yet?
Johnathan-That?
Taylor- You are in love with him...
~Chorus Boys in Love, L. Oberon
I wrote these few lines the other day. That's it for me. They sound like something I have heard. I don't know. What the hell is this play about other than a love rectangle. How boring is that. My last play was about time and why do we exist, and wtf questions. How can I go from deep to fluff? But you know, I do that with movies all the time. I watch very deep movies and then throw in fluff. I guess that is what we all do.
As you can see I am avoiding everything today. Including the whole damn Pat Robertson Crap. You are a bad, bad, bad man, maybe not as bad as Jerry Falwell, but very bad none the less. I pitty you. For you know no love or tolerance.
Thanks for the shout out Babs, I miss you.
I feel like just sitting here and putting this passage in front of me just to stare at it.
Just to look and say what the hell. Where do I go from here. The choose your own adventure of my life showing me which choices lead where.
The problem is, I can't look ahead so much. I can only look as far as my eye can see.
Pity, party of one...
el libro de sexo
Michael: What are we going to do? I mean, talking about girls, women. I wouldn't know the first thing. I've never even slept with one.
Ben: I have, once or twice.
Michael: Really?
Ben: Mm-hm.
Michael: How was it?
Ben: It was all right. Got a hard-on and everything and I suppose I performed adequately. At least no one complained. But I also remember thinking - Why are guys so obsessed with this? What's the big deal?
Michael: I guess that was the first clue.
Ben: That and liking to wear my mom's dresses. --- Just kidding. (Queer as Folk 411)
Okay, so the subject of sex is always up for discussion when I am at the table. I feel like Babs, we should talk about sex. However, there is one thing that I don't like to talk about.
My number.
I feel that your number is a sacred thing. Something that is yours to know, reference, and remember. Tonight sitting around a table of a few close friends they recounted their numbers.
I still hear the count down in my head...
7
7
3
2
What the hell. I realized then that just with the men I have slept with I had more than them combined. Lets not add the women.
Okay, wow, I know I experimented in college just like everyone else. It was a phase, I grew out of it. Now I am a normal homosexual male, just like everyone else. la la la...
This got me thinking of mi libro de sexo, and the pages that have been filled...
Page 1
The center of the football team the summer between 7th and 8th grade. This is when I first realized how much I liked boys.
Page 4
My boyfriend the val a dick torian, I look back on and wish we could still be together, even if he was a bit of a dick, sorry babe, you know you where. We had the best sexual chemistry, or at least an extremely conscious awareness of the kinesthetic conversations our bodies made.
Page 17
A man in a Prague bathhouse. Young, suave, sexy, interesting and a native of the Czech Republic. An interesting choice to taste the foreign cuisine.
Last page (you thought you where going to get the final count, ha)
A New Orleans young 19 y/o man fresh to college. Very eager and interested in things I had to say. A hard worker. Not my type, but very beautiful.
I sat in my room after Margarita Monday and relived the pages from mi libro. Remembering each guy...
I have a theory about sex, okay so what's new we all do...
I believe that when 2 people give into each other, their souls connect. By their souls connecting a stream from the collective conscious runs between them. There are secrets revealed, and truths uncovered. If you listen to someone, when you are having sex with them, you begin to have a kinesthetic conversation controlled by the unconsciousness. You can hear desires, fears, needs, wants, and a million other things. Throughout the engagement of the bodies, one opens ones mind and senses to a feast of information about their partner. With one of my exes I knew the second I had sex with him why we could not be together. It was a year after the breakup we had sex. We had great sexual chemistry, but not very good communication, or at least not good enough. We knew how to talk to each other, but not how to get a point across or on the table. We had different mindsets and we weren't willing to work with the others life. In the bed we had perfect timing, but through the unconsciousness stream of conversation I realized we could only speak kinetically. That was when we truly listened. Not out loud, God forbid we listen to each other out loud, but kinetically, we had great lengthy conversations.
I don't know when I became a slut, but I know it was a desire to know about the men of whom I was attracted. I found out several pieces of information from sleeping with them. What they liked their life pattern to be like. Did they always take the same route to work, or did it very? Did they want to talk or would they stay silent? What his ex had done to him, or if he was still holding on to his ex? These were just some of the questions I could answer. Not to mention a multitude of others. Sex, became and is a way for me to read minds kinesthetically. It allows me to understand someone fully. To get into their brain. Hell, that is why I had sex in both Ireland and Prague. I wanted to experience the culture, and I did. It was a mind expanding drug. And people just think I am a slut. Well maybe, but if you married a rich man to be kept, you're a whore, remember that.
I don't know what is the big deal with the number. So I have a long resume? So what, does it matter to anyone but me, no. I am happy I had sex with almost all of the men I slept with. Some, I would throw back on the fire, but I will not regret the sex we had. It was good, all of it, some more than others, but always good. I have had a wonderful time and have been pretty safe (considering that the only true safety is abstinence). Well, to all of you who really want to know. The number is...
none of your business...
Ben: I have, once or twice.
Michael: Really?
Ben: Mm-hm.
Michael: How was it?
Ben: It was all right. Got a hard-on and everything and I suppose I performed adequately. At least no one complained. But I also remember thinking - Why are guys so obsessed with this? What's the big deal?
Michael: I guess that was the first clue.
Ben: That and liking to wear my mom's dresses. --- Just kidding. (Queer as Folk 411)
Okay, so the subject of sex is always up for discussion when I am at the table. I feel like Babs, we should talk about sex. However, there is one thing that I don't like to talk about.
My number.
I feel that your number is a sacred thing. Something that is yours to know, reference, and remember. Tonight sitting around a table of a few close friends they recounted their numbers.
I still hear the count down in my head...
7
7
3
2
What the hell. I realized then that just with the men I have slept with I had more than them combined. Lets not add the women.
Okay, wow, I know I experimented in college just like everyone else. It was a phase, I grew out of it. Now I am a normal homosexual male, just like everyone else. la la la...
This got me thinking of mi libro de sexo, and the pages that have been filled...
Page 1
The center of the football team the summer between 7th and 8th grade. This is when I first realized how much I liked boys.
Page 4
My boyfriend the val a dick torian, I look back on and wish we could still be together, even if he was a bit of a dick, sorry babe, you know you where. We had the best sexual chemistry, or at least an extremely conscious awareness of the kinesthetic conversations our bodies made.
Page 17
A man in a Prague bathhouse. Young, suave, sexy, interesting and a native of the Czech Republic. An interesting choice to taste the foreign cuisine.
Last page (you thought you where going to get the final count, ha)
A New Orleans young 19 y/o man fresh to college. Very eager and interested in things I had to say. A hard worker. Not my type, but very beautiful.
I sat in my room after Margarita Monday and relived the pages from mi libro. Remembering each guy...
I have a theory about sex, okay so what's new we all do...
I believe that when 2 people give into each other, their souls connect. By their souls connecting a stream from the collective conscious runs between them. There are secrets revealed, and truths uncovered. If you listen to someone, when you are having sex with them, you begin to have a kinesthetic conversation controlled by the unconsciousness. You can hear desires, fears, needs, wants, and a million other things. Throughout the engagement of the bodies, one opens ones mind and senses to a feast of information about their partner. With one of my exes I knew the second I had sex with him why we could not be together. It was a year after the breakup we had sex. We had great sexual chemistry, but not very good communication, or at least not good enough. We knew how to talk to each other, but not how to get a point across or on the table. We had different mindsets and we weren't willing to work with the others life. In the bed we had perfect timing, but through the unconsciousness stream of conversation I realized we could only speak kinetically. That was when we truly listened. Not out loud, God forbid we listen to each other out loud, but kinetically, we had great lengthy conversations.
I don't know when I became a slut, but I know it was a desire to know about the men of whom I was attracted. I found out several pieces of information from sleeping with them. What they liked their life pattern to be like. Did they always take the same route to work, or did it very? Did they want to talk or would they stay silent? What his ex had done to him, or if he was still holding on to his ex? These were just some of the questions I could answer. Not to mention a multitude of others. Sex, became and is a way for me to read minds kinesthetically. It allows me to understand someone fully. To get into their brain. Hell, that is why I had sex in both Ireland and Prague. I wanted to experience the culture, and I did. It was a mind expanding drug. And people just think I am a slut. Well maybe, but if you married a rich man to be kept, you're a whore, remember that.
I don't know what is the big deal with the number. So I have a long resume? So what, does it matter to anyone but me, no. I am happy I had sex with almost all of the men I slept with. Some, I would throw back on the fire, but I will not regret the sex we had. It was good, all of it, some more than others, but always good. I have had a wonderful time and have been pretty safe (considering that the only true safety is abstinence). Well, to all of you who really want to know. The number is...
none of your business...
22 August 2005
en la luz
If you where to ask me how I got there, I do not know. I was sitting in a dark corner reminiscing of the old days. Wondering, just how old am I in this world of boys? The usually thumpa, thumpa, came to a close, and silence fell over the room as the crowds started to part. A spot on Jonathan on the far side hit with crisp precision. A slow tango drifted into the air. Strings at first that trickled into piano, and percussion. He started the tango with one boy on the floor, and ebbed and flowed into others until he had found "his one." Like a flash flood, he came to me. Stomping and clapping my attention. I gave one hand up to him and floated up to dance on the waves of this tango. The flood of music came as our legs twisted into and out of one another, a lift from him, a dip from me, out, in we moved to the rhythm of the music. The dance washed out of the bay and left us on the shore of the dance floor. Spot off. We exchanged a kiss, but the dance tonight was not over.
It's the only thing I can think to write right now, right. Ha, okay, I am not doing so well with the writing. Valencia is going to kill me. I have no new scenes. I just want to write about men dancing and fighting. Maybe, that will be my first book, a collection of shorts based on men fighting and dancing. Or maybe I can get off my sorry ass and actually find a way to right a book about men who dance and fight. But really let’s finish up this next play. So, I have this scene to write and I don't know how to do it. It came to me in a dream, I think...
The four men stood in the bedroom. Conscience of the references to porn they all where thinking about, they squelched their laughter and waited to enter the bed. This was a holocaust waiting to happen.
The night had been mystical combining old and new friends. Now it was time for the four friends to lie in the bed that was made for them. The tallest took the position nearest to the wall. As most unstable constant in the group he would surely not fall off in that position. Next to him lay the 2nd tallest fighting the desire to spoon. The boy with the beautiful eyes placed me beside him and the 2nd tallest boy. The most stable inconstant sure to bookend the men into the bed. The sleepless night began as the boys ran through a stream of conscience choreographed positioning of bodies in sleep sporadically spaced in sleeplessness.
One's hand moved up another’s shirt. A little too far, the hand was stopped. An apology quickly stopped also. The hand did not do anything the body wasn't wanting...
One fought all night not to hold onto another only to place his arm around the bookend while sleeping. His unconscious taking over.
The game was set to find the human contact so needed that night. Finally, sleep was found when the unconscious took over and the four men where split into two cuddling couples.
The two unlikely couples found peace in their chaos. The night was filled with secrets the pairs shared without words.
So, how am I going to turn that into a scene? Those feelings and emotions. I don't know, but that is going into a book I am writing now as well. So, who knows. The book and the play are suppose to go together. ummmmm, I don't know. It will come to me, just give it time.
I'm off to doodle.
Lestat
Quote from QAF:
Brian: And as for the times when you're not around, I wouldn't particularly mind it if you were. (414)
It's the only thing I can think to write right now, right. Ha, okay, I am not doing so well with the writing. Valencia is going to kill me. I have no new scenes. I just want to write about men dancing and fighting. Maybe, that will be my first book, a collection of shorts based on men fighting and dancing. Or maybe I can get off my sorry ass and actually find a way to right a book about men who dance and fight. But really let’s finish up this next play. So, I have this scene to write and I don't know how to do it. It came to me in a dream, I think...
The four men stood in the bedroom. Conscience of the references to porn they all where thinking about, they squelched their laughter and waited to enter the bed. This was a holocaust waiting to happen.
The night had been mystical combining old and new friends. Now it was time for the four friends to lie in the bed that was made for them. The tallest took the position nearest to the wall. As most unstable constant in the group he would surely not fall off in that position. Next to him lay the 2nd tallest fighting the desire to spoon. The boy with the beautiful eyes placed me beside him and the 2nd tallest boy. The most stable inconstant sure to bookend the men into the bed. The sleepless night began as the boys ran through a stream of conscience choreographed positioning of bodies in sleep sporadically spaced in sleeplessness.
One's hand moved up another’s shirt. A little too far, the hand was stopped. An apology quickly stopped also. The hand did not do anything the body wasn't wanting...
One fought all night not to hold onto another only to place his arm around the bookend while sleeping. His unconscious taking over.
The game was set to find the human contact so needed that night. Finally, sleep was found when the unconscious took over and the four men where split into two cuddling couples.
The two unlikely couples found peace in their chaos. The night was filled with secrets the pairs shared without words.
So, how am I going to turn that into a scene? Those feelings and emotions. I don't know, but that is going into a book I am writing now as well. So, who knows. The book and the play are suppose to go together. ummmmm, I don't know. It will come to me, just give it time.
I'm off to doodle.
Lestat
Quote from QAF:
Brian: And as for the times when you're not around, I wouldn't particularly mind it if you were. (414)
19 August 2005
προσευχή
What a fool am I...
I use this blog to get the petty bullshit out, but really, after looking around, there is much more in this world that needs to be focused on. Not parts in shows, but people struggling. That's what theatre gave to me, and I hear Patrick's voice in my head from Dublin saying theatre should impact, it should be more than we need it to be.
Over the last few days watching and reading about the Israelies moving out, I begin to pray. My praying consists of meditation and reflextion and talking to what I preceive as my Lord. Whatever you believe or don't believe, I would as that you take a moment to think of the hardships that these persons (individually) are going through. We may never know, and hopefully won't.
This photo sent chills down me. I guess because of the conviction and the faith.
What's left but hope for these people...
What's left but hope for any of us, but for these people most of all there is only hope.
"I'm standing here without any fear that Israelis will shooot at me because their battle today is against themselves."
~Mohammed Bashir, a Palestinian farmer in the town of Deir al-Balah in the Gaza Strip.
perhaps the battle is always against ourselves?
I use this blog to get the petty bullshit out, but really, after looking around, there is much more in this world that needs to be focused on. Not parts in shows, but people struggling. That's what theatre gave to me, and I hear Patrick's voice in my head from Dublin saying theatre should impact, it should be more than we need it to be.
Over the last few days watching and reading about the Israelies moving out, I begin to pray. My praying consists of meditation and reflextion and talking to what I preceive as my Lord. Whatever you believe or don't believe, I would as that you take a moment to think of the hardships that these persons (individually) are going through. We may never know, and hopefully won't.
This photo sent chills down me. I guess because of the conviction and the faith.
What's left but hope for these people...
What's left but hope for any of us, but for these people most of all there is only hope.
"I'm standing here without any fear that Israelis will shooot at me because their battle today is against themselves."
~Mohammed Bashir, a Palestinian farmer in the town of Deir al-Balah in the Gaza Strip.
perhaps the battle is always against ourselves?
cansado y derrotado
Michael: Why am I always Lois Lane? (101)
I think if I hear the word Seussical or audition one more time, I think I am going to scream. And tonight I am going out on the town with several people I auditioned with. I think I will scream enough before we head out.
It's not so much that I didn't get called back for the role I wanted, but that I let it get to me that much, and it is still getting to me. Possibly because of one of the guys they called back for the role. He had no reason to be there. They kept us sitting there waiting for 2 hours before even telling us what we were their for. And were very rude to us. Come on. I am an actor not a douche bag. Just let me know what I am going to be reading for and let me prepare. Also, I wasn't expecting most of the roles, because I am not a singer. And yet somehow the director had it in his mind that I can sing harmony just great. It will be so easy. Now, as soon as I get cast, I will be learning to sing harmony and crying myself to sleep every night because I won't get it until the last week, because I suck at singing. But Oh well. I was expecting to read for a role that was improve and speaking mainly. Very little singing and where the singing was that hard. Guess I was wrong. Oh well. I am also, just tired of musicals. I don't want to audition for another one for a while. I long to do a play again. Something of substance. Something fun (call me weird but Shakespeare, Wilde, Sheridan, the Greeks, and Beckett is great fun for me).
It also made me realize very quickly that what this production wanted were people who can sing very well. And then if they can act that's cool. So, whatever, I will chalk that up to that.
Disclaimer:
As you have read in my blog, I don't think to highly of myself. I am about to speak very highly of me doing what I do best. If you don't like ego, don't read. Skip to paragraph of continue here.
I am just a bit tired of working my ass off doing things I don't like doing to get noticed. And then of course they like what I hate doing and hate me doing what I like. Ah, yes that's life. I swear my designs will make me a lot of money. Especially if I design for commercial theatre, but I hate doing it. It is well, boring. I can design in my sleep and I hate that. Because, I don't really care to do it, but I use it as an in for acting and directing. It just seems like they see my great designs and want me as that. Screw you guys, I don't want to design anything unless I am paid. I just want to direct now and act for free. But NO, to get an acting role I need to be noticed by doing the costumes...blah blah blah...I really am a good actor I promise, that's just it, I am good at acting, in plays, not musicals. Oh well, as Emmett says, "Fuck em all."
Okay continue here:
So yeah, I am a hoping to get a directing gig with them and I do want to rise to the challenge and do this role to prove to myself I can do it. So, that is that. Deal is done. I am tired of worrying and fretting and bullshitting over it. I just want this show over and done with.
And then, hopefully I will get to direct the show I want.
On a better, note I was asked to direct a play from some students who are working toward a company of their own. I am excited, it is a great script that is dark and more my ally. It's WWI and about the ghost that haunt them. I am very into it. I hope I have the time and can do it. It will be like a "mini Group Theatre!!" And they are very excited to have me as a director who is also a designer, because they are all designers and want to design, and I have a vocabulary to talk with them as designers, because I am one!!! So, no pressure on designing!!!
Ah that is music to my ears...
Superboy, you are amazing, thanx for the gameplay last night. You will never know how much I needed that.
I think if I hear the word Seussical or audition one more time, I think I am going to scream. And tonight I am going out on the town with several people I auditioned with. I think I will scream enough before we head out.
It's not so much that I didn't get called back for the role I wanted, but that I let it get to me that much, and it is still getting to me. Possibly because of one of the guys they called back for the role. He had no reason to be there. They kept us sitting there waiting for 2 hours before even telling us what we were their for. And were very rude to us. Come on. I am an actor not a douche bag. Just let me know what I am going to be reading for and let me prepare. Also, I wasn't expecting most of the roles, because I am not a singer. And yet somehow the director had it in his mind that I can sing harmony just great. It will be so easy. Now, as soon as I get cast, I will be learning to sing harmony and crying myself to sleep every night because I won't get it until the last week, because I suck at singing. But Oh well. I was expecting to read for a role that was improve and speaking mainly. Very little singing and where the singing was that hard. Guess I was wrong. Oh well. I am also, just tired of musicals. I don't want to audition for another one for a while. I long to do a play again. Something of substance. Something fun (call me weird but Shakespeare, Wilde, Sheridan, the Greeks, and Beckett is great fun for me).
It also made me realize very quickly that what this production wanted were people who can sing very well. And then if they can act that's cool. So, whatever, I will chalk that up to that.
Disclaimer:
As you have read in my blog, I don't think to highly of myself. I am about to speak very highly of me doing what I do best. If you don't like ego, don't read. Skip to paragraph of continue here.
I am just a bit tired of working my ass off doing things I don't like doing to get noticed. And then of course they like what I hate doing and hate me doing what I like. Ah, yes that's life. I swear my designs will make me a lot of money. Especially if I design for commercial theatre, but I hate doing it. It is well, boring. I can design in my sleep and I hate that. Because, I don't really care to do it, but I use it as an in for acting and directing. It just seems like they see my great designs and want me as that. Screw you guys, I don't want to design anything unless I am paid. I just want to direct now and act for free. But NO, to get an acting role I need to be noticed by doing the costumes...blah blah blah...I really am a good actor I promise, that's just it, I am good at acting, in plays, not musicals. Oh well, as Emmett says, "Fuck em all."
Okay continue here:
So yeah, I am a hoping to get a directing gig with them and I do want to rise to the challenge and do this role to prove to myself I can do it. So, that is that. Deal is done. I am tired of worrying and fretting and bullshitting over it. I just want this show over and done with.
And then, hopefully I will get to direct the show I want.
On a better, note I was asked to direct a play from some students who are working toward a company of their own. I am excited, it is a great script that is dark and more my ally. It's WWI and about the ghost that haunt them. I am very into it. I hope I have the time and can do it. It will be like a "mini Group Theatre!!" And they are very excited to have me as a director who is also a designer, because they are all designers and want to design, and I have a vocabulary to talk with them as designers, because I am one!!! So, no pressure on designing!!!
Ah that is music to my ears...
Superboy, you are amazing, thanx for the gameplay last night. You will never know how much I needed that.
17 August 2005
doing cartwheels
I received a callback to Seussical! Rock. I hope it is for the Cat. I want it so bad!!! Okay, well, I wish all who auditioned all the luck, and remember I have only been to a few callbacks, and usually I get better roles if I am not called back.
Besos!
L
Besos!
L
Gatito y perrito
Okay, so I am about to go to bed after day 2 of auditions. I am a bit worried, but I know they are calling guys back for Cat. I thought I would post this lovely pic in hopes that I maybe the Cat and find my puppy. I don't know. Maybe one day. Soon I hope. He's out there somewhere. I feel him, I just can't will him into being yet.
Life is better, thanks to Babs. You rock my face off and I love you. I can't wait to see you again. Thanks for a wonder night, my Grace.
Thanks also to my superhero. You are kind and strong and I enjoyed our night out on Monday. Here's to many more.
Love,
L
Life is better, thanks to Babs. You rock my face off and I love you. I can't wait to see you again. Thanks for a wonder night, my Grace.
Thanks also to my superhero. You are kind and strong and I enjoyed our night out on Monday. Here's to many more.
Love,
L
16 August 2005
tiempo por change
So I have been in the worst of moods today. Extremely snippy and looking for a reason to quit my job and I know that this is the best job for me right now. I have applied for another job at a costume shop that is better paying, but I don’t know if I will get it. Also, all of my financial aid stuff is getting mixed up and around and I am waiting to hear on that today. I hate my life. Again remember I am in a bitchy mood. I didn’t give my best at auditions last night and it was my own fault, so this is going to be a dear diary, pity party of one blog so reader beware. I feel that I am not at the top of my game anymore. I feel tired and lonely and not wanting to work unless I am doing what I want. I know I have to jump through the hoops and sail over the hurdles, but it seems like most of my friends are getting more work than I am, and better work. I feel that I am stuck. Drifting because I have many areas that I work in Costumes, Set, Directing, Playwriting and Acting which is great, but it also means that I have to do all the work to keep them all going. I wish I could just pick one and stick to it. I wish that I had the power to say I am this, to finally fit into that cookie cutter of society and to label myself. What a horrible word, label. But, I am so reluctant to do this. I want what I want.
I want to see mountains Gandolf!
But instead I see hills and more disturbing to me plains. I am so afraid to get stuck somewhere doing something I don’t want to be doing. I am afraid that I am waiting on a plane that will never land. My own world inside of me lives up in the air. And on land there is this reverse “little mermaid” feeling that I have.
Frodo: No, Sam. I can't recall the taste of food... nor the sound of water... nor the touch of grass. I'm... naked in the dark. There's... There's nothing. No veil between me and the wheel of fire. I can see him... with my waking eyes.
I cannot remember the last day I had a fun at work. It wasn’t that long ago, but it seems the journey to where I am now has led me to a state of unhappiness. I will post more later and will do so.
Lestat
I want to see mountains Gandolf!
But instead I see hills and more disturbing to me plains. I am so afraid to get stuck somewhere doing something I don’t want to be doing. I am afraid that I am waiting on a plane that will never land. My own world inside of me lives up in the air. And on land there is this reverse “little mermaid” feeling that I have.
Frodo: No, Sam. I can't recall the taste of food... nor the sound of water... nor the touch of grass. I'm... naked in the dark. There's... There's nothing. No veil between me and the wheel of fire. I can see him... with my waking eyes.
I cannot remember the last day I had a fun at work. It wasn’t that long ago, but it seems the journey to where I am now has led me to a state of unhappiness. I will post more later and will do so.
Lestat
15 August 2005
el sentarse bastante
Brian: By the way, I missed you. (QAF Episode: 408)
Number of pages written: 2
So, I ran away to a mythical land this weekend, with my good friend Babs. What a wonderful time was had by both of us. We laughed, talked, had many a wonderful Margarita!! Yes, from the best place in all of San Antonio, Texas. We never ran out of things to talk about, see or do. We had no agenda, save shopping and drinking and discovered a wonderful little shot called an oatmeal pie. I am sure we will have many more. We boy watched, and yes, guys in kelts rock my face off. It was a wonderful few days full of escape and magic.
Now, back to the grind at work it feels as if I never left. :(
On a good note, I found the shoes I want badly made by Steve Madden. And I know where I want to go next time we go to SA!!! I didn’t get to go to Bohnam this time, but I will save that for next visit.
I have an audition for Seussical tonight. AHHHH!!! I don’t really want to audition, but I have to because I want a role. Wow, why can’t we actors just rise up and find a new way of getting cast, ha ha. I know, that will never happen and everyone hates auditioning, I know, I know, but well, it’s time to get back into the groove.
I did miss someone this weekend terribly, but I am working through that, blah blah blah. I will see him soon enough.
Thank you Superboy for being the superhero you are!!! He found my music and I am forever in your debt.
Also, a very happy birthday to the Cat in Pants!!! Hope tonight to get you as drunk as possible. It is her 21st birthday!!! :) Cheers love!!!
As you can see I am avoiding work. So, since I have nothing to but crazy rambling to do today I will leave you.
Number of pages written: 2
So, I ran away to a mythical land this weekend, with my good friend Babs. What a wonderful time was had by both of us. We laughed, talked, had many a wonderful Margarita!! Yes, from the best place in all of San Antonio, Texas. We never ran out of things to talk about, see or do. We had no agenda, save shopping and drinking and discovered a wonderful little shot called an oatmeal pie. I am sure we will have many more. We boy watched, and yes, guys in kelts rock my face off. It was a wonderful few days full of escape and magic.
Now, back to the grind at work it feels as if I never left. :(
On a good note, I found the shoes I want badly made by Steve Madden. And I know where I want to go next time we go to SA!!! I didn’t get to go to Bohnam this time, but I will save that for next visit.
I have an audition for Seussical tonight. AHHHH!!! I don’t really want to audition, but I have to because I want a role. Wow, why can’t we actors just rise up and find a new way of getting cast, ha ha. I know, that will never happen and everyone hates auditioning, I know, I know, but well, it’s time to get back into the groove.
I did miss someone this weekend terribly, but I am working through that, blah blah blah. I will see him soon enough.
Thank you Superboy for being the superhero you are!!! He found my music and I am forever in your debt.
Also, a very happy birthday to the Cat in Pants!!! Hope tonight to get you as drunk as possible. It is her 21st birthday!!! :) Cheers love!!!
As you can see I am avoiding work. So, since I have nothing to but crazy rambling to do today I will leave you.
11 August 2005
Vuelo
Quote: QAF
Debbie: You know, I haven't danced since the last century.
Emmett: Well, in addition to throwing fabulous parties and being a world-renowned master in the art of fellatio, I'm also one hell of a dance instructor. (314)
My thoughts are winged and so am I today…
My heart goes out to dear Babs today. Mum gives her condolences and J-bird says hey and hopes you are doing well. It is a frantic life we live and we are prone to come and less then we can stay. We all live teetering on a thin line of life and not one of use know the end until it comes. All we have is time enough to dance and sing together and enjoy the moments we have. I have enjoyed all of my friends so much and although we all are a bit busier and a bit further apart. I love and think of them everyday. They fill up not only my thoughts, but my heart, soul and still they come into life. We all live on after death in the others around us. It’s cliché, but true…well, as long as we believe in it. And I think that is the point. What is the harm in believing in it? What more do we have save hope?
I am better than yesterday, but am ready for the weekend. It will be nice to escape into the colourful culture of another city.
I have so much to do and to work on, but today I am at a bit of a stand still, and today’s blog is going to be a bit short…sorry loves, pero necesito a tomar el cuidado de me.
Debbie: You know, I haven't danced since the last century.
Emmett: Well, in addition to throwing fabulous parties and being a world-renowned master in the art of fellatio, I'm also one hell of a dance instructor. (314)
My thoughts are winged and so am I today…
My heart goes out to dear Babs today. Mum gives her condolences and J-bird says hey and hopes you are doing well. It is a frantic life we live and we are prone to come and less then we can stay. We all live teetering on a thin line of life and not one of use know the end until it comes. All we have is time enough to dance and sing together and enjoy the moments we have. I have enjoyed all of my friends so much and although we all are a bit busier and a bit further apart. I love and think of them everyday. They fill up not only my thoughts, but my heart, soul and still they come into life. We all live on after death in the others around us. It’s cliché, but true…well, as long as we believe in it. And I think that is the point. What is the harm in believing in it? What more do we have save hope?
I am better than yesterday, but am ready for the weekend. It will be nice to escape into the colourful culture of another city.
I have so much to do and to work on, but today I am at a bit of a stand still, and today’s blog is going to be a bit short…sorry loves, pero necesito a tomar el cuidado de me.
10 August 2005
apesadumbrado, tendría cogida usted, pero estoy leyendo un buen libro
Quote from Queer as Folk (do I notice a trend, maybe so):
Brian: I don't believe in love. I believe in f*king. (101)
Pages written today: 1
So, yeah, I picked up a great book that I would like to share with you all; too bad I don't have the money, so go buy it yourself. It's called My Cold War. It's by Tom Piazza. It is page turning greatness. I love his weaving of his life and history. It delights my heart to hear him write about concepts that are in my play. I am very happy!!!
So, I talked to my mother tonight. Such a great time was had, by someone, somewhere else having sex. I am never amazed at how much my mother doesn't listen to me. She wants an immediate fix to my problem. She wants hallmark answers to solve my never-ending string of problems. Wow, life is grand. I also don't like talking to her about my problems, especially about guys, because it becomes not about me but about her. I know I do this at times, but I have been working on this very hard. To not give examples of my life unless asked. She has no knowledge that this doesn't help me. We also go onto a different path when we start talking about my problems. I am on one subject and it turns into another subject. Usually about my sister. I don't care about how she's doing unless I ask. (I know I am a b*tch), but oh well, I mean you want to know what's wrong with me. I am tired of being Mr. Happy and want to be Mr. Pissed OFF!! I have the right to be pessimistic and want to vent and she thinks I do bad things with this energy. And maybe, because I used to slit at my wrists she worries. Oh, but she used to think I was the happiest of children... I often do creative things to help with my personal crisis...like write, or exercise, or kill off someone (oh, wait, not the last one....hmmmm). And she is sitting there telling me that I just need to be more active and exercise. Which in my low self-esteemed self means, “your fat." Yes mom, as if I didn't have enough of an image problem. Okay, so I am not fat, but I have an image problem, wow, bienvenidos a la 21st Century. Well, and of course I finally spilt the beans about liking someone and how I was frustrated with that. And then that segued into how my father and her where accepting of my lifestyle although they would prefer me to settle down with a nice girl. Wow, thanks, I am so glad you approve of my "choice." If I didn't feel good about myself enough, I had to hear about my mother’s problems and my sisters and everything around my problems without me getting to vent. Really, when I am throwing myself a pity party I really just want to vent. If you want to talk with me, let me vent. If I want your opinion I will ask for it (Babs of course can get away with telling me what to do, it's what gives the will its grace). And that's just it.
I really can't wait to spend a weekend away with my Gracie...Ahhhh it's almost here. YES!!! Fun in the sun and great, great life. I am so ready for this weekend. I bought snacks for the road, will be looking up fun topics of conversation and will order a cold margarita when I get there. I cannot wait.
So, my ex is coming into town tonight (not the ex, the likes of which my mother brought up in conversation, why can't she hate him, I am the one who was in love with him and we are still good friends, but that doesn't mean I want her to like him)...I am happy, lets just call him, Mr. Goodf*ck. Not that I am going to do that tonight, but who knows, I may just be that desperate. The boys around here are not quite knocking on my door to be with me. Yeah. I know and where do I get my image problem from...okay, so it is from me, I know, no matter who I am dating or have dated (and I have dated some hot guys), I put this on myself.
Oh, and another thing that struck me as weird. The other night as I had drinks with an old friend, he reminded me that he had never seen me kiss a boy, and the joke of I am an in the closet straight man came around, ha. But that just reminded me of how little I have dated since moving to Barcelona. What's up with that? Yo no se... I guess I just haven't found the right guy. Which is true. The few I have wasted my time on where not worth it. But you know if they aren't worth it, I don't want to invest in it. And that is the truth. Mr. Big I am sorry, but you were an ass to me, and I know you love me and maybe one day it will work out, but you need to grow up you 29 y/o boy...Mr. Adonis, I love you, but the timing is off, I am sorry, hope that will change...Mr. Goodf*ck, I hope we have a great talk tonight...Mr. Hopeful, I hope it can workout when you get back, even if some of my friends think you are strange. Hell, they call me corky...
Corky, that's another vein that hits pretty hard...I will comment on that another time. Right now I am a bit exhausted from this blog...
Goals:
To kiss a boy in the rain: on the back burner until someone good comes along.
To find an answer to a question: will get back to you on that...
Brian: I don't believe in love. I believe in f*king. (101)
Pages written today: 1
So, yeah, I picked up a great book that I would like to share with you all; too bad I don't have the money, so go buy it yourself. It's called My Cold War. It's by Tom Piazza. It is page turning greatness. I love his weaving of his life and history. It delights my heart to hear him write about concepts that are in my play. I am very happy!!!
So, I talked to my mother tonight. Such a great time was had, by someone, somewhere else having sex. I am never amazed at how much my mother doesn't listen to me. She wants an immediate fix to my problem. She wants hallmark answers to solve my never-ending string of problems. Wow, life is grand. I also don't like talking to her about my problems, especially about guys, because it becomes not about me but about her. I know I do this at times, but I have been working on this very hard. To not give examples of my life unless asked. She has no knowledge that this doesn't help me. We also go onto a different path when we start talking about my problems. I am on one subject and it turns into another subject. Usually about my sister. I don't care about how she's doing unless I ask. (I know I am a b*tch), but oh well, I mean you want to know what's wrong with me. I am tired of being Mr. Happy and want to be Mr. Pissed OFF!! I have the right to be pessimistic and want to vent and she thinks I do bad things with this energy. And maybe, because I used to slit at my wrists she worries. Oh, but she used to think I was the happiest of children... I often do creative things to help with my personal crisis...like write, or exercise, or kill off someone (oh, wait, not the last one....hmmmm). And she is sitting there telling me that I just need to be more active and exercise. Which in my low self-esteemed self means, “your fat." Yes mom, as if I didn't have enough of an image problem. Okay, so I am not fat, but I have an image problem, wow, bienvenidos a la 21st Century. Well, and of course I finally spilt the beans about liking someone and how I was frustrated with that. And then that segued into how my father and her where accepting of my lifestyle although they would prefer me to settle down with a nice girl. Wow, thanks, I am so glad you approve of my "choice." If I didn't feel good about myself enough, I had to hear about my mother’s problems and my sisters and everything around my problems without me getting to vent. Really, when I am throwing myself a pity party I really just want to vent. If you want to talk with me, let me vent. If I want your opinion I will ask for it (Babs of course can get away with telling me what to do, it's what gives the will its grace). And that's just it.
I really can't wait to spend a weekend away with my Gracie...Ahhhh it's almost here. YES!!! Fun in the sun and great, great life. I am so ready for this weekend. I bought snacks for the road, will be looking up fun topics of conversation and will order a cold margarita when I get there. I cannot wait.
So, my ex is coming into town tonight (not the ex, the likes of which my mother brought up in conversation, why can't she hate him, I am the one who was in love with him and we are still good friends, but that doesn't mean I want her to like him)...I am happy, lets just call him, Mr. Goodf*ck. Not that I am going to do that tonight, but who knows, I may just be that desperate. The boys around here are not quite knocking on my door to be with me. Yeah. I know and where do I get my image problem from...okay, so it is from me, I know, no matter who I am dating or have dated (and I have dated some hot guys), I put this on myself.
Oh, and another thing that struck me as weird. The other night as I had drinks with an old friend, he reminded me that he had never seen me kiss a boy, and the joke of I am an in the closet straight man came around, ha. But that just reminded me of how little I have dated since moving to Barcelona. What's up with that? Yo no se... I guess I just haven't found the right guy. Which is true. The few I have wasted my time on where not worth it. But you know if they aren't worth it, I don't want to invest in it. And that is the truth. Mr. Big I am sorry, but you were an ass to me, and I know you love me and maybe one day it will work out, but you need to grow up you 29 y/o boy...Mr. Adonis, I love you, but the timing is off, I am sorry, hope that will change...Mr. Goodf*ck, I hope we have a great talk tonight...Mr. Hopeful, I hope it can workout when you get back, even if some of my friends think you are strange. Hell, they call me corky...
Corky, that's another vein that hits pretty hard...I will comment on that another time. Right now I am a bit exhausted from this blog...
Goals:
To kiss a boy in the rain: on the back burner until someone good comes along.
To find an answer to a question: will get back to you on that...
09 August 2005
el rey del mundo
Quote: From Queer as Folk
Michael: Right after my mother told me I was gay, she gave me this big safe sex lecture. I knew how to put a condom on a cucumber before I knew how to drive.
Ben: Yeah, well, I was going to ask you out tonight, but now I'm not so sure.
Michael: Why not?
Ben: Well, Michael, a cucumber is a lot to live up to. (207)
So regardless of the sleepless night I was just happy to have, I am feeling a bit like el rey del mundo...
Number of pages finished: none still, but looking hopeful...
I have a great new idea, I journalled last night (okay I know it’s not a word, let's get past that, you should know by reading I make them up as I go, like Shakespeare) and had a great brainstorming session,
So let’s say number of brainstorm: 5 pages...
There that at least makes me feel a bit better. My dear Grace I do hope you are feeling better as well.
So just how crazy is the thought... and this comes some from my brainstorming... that when we die inside our minds our head falls like Christ? Could we see the crucifixion before we die? Or is this my faith filled background leaking into my perceptions of afterlife? Okay, so I was drunk and happy and realized that at that moment, my life could have ended on a happy note. That I hoped one day my life would end with me in bliss filled happiness smothered in calmed gravy and euphoric sprinkles...No I was not on drugs...I was just very happy sitting around, okay so I smoked a fag outside, and thinking of how our lives (the people from K-town were there and I was reminiscing)…where so different now and in a better way. It was old friends coming together and taking joy in life, rather than harping on the past. What a wonderful experience to have. But it dawned on me, that this is how I wanted to die. Then of course that went into how I wanted to show death in my play and how do I use that. It would be better for a screenplay, yada yada, la la la… It was today, several days passed, that I realized I need to forget the yada yada, and go for it…I don’t know how yet, but just start writing.
Recently, I am a bit random, blogging between work and such, I was thinking how different my life would have been. The different paths we take. Of course, this is nothing new.
I have an audition next week. Seussical, well, I am scared, but I think I have it in me…Hell, I can do that…
Lestat
Michael: Right after my mother told me I was gay, she gave me this big safe sex lecture. I knew how to put a condom on a cucumber before I knew how to drive.
Ben: Yeah, well, I was going to ask you out tonight, but now I'm not so sure.
Michael: Why not?
Ben: Well, Michael, a cucumber is a lot to live up to. (207)
So regardless of the sleepless night I was just happy to have, I am feeling a bit like el rey del mundo...
Number of pages finished: none still, but looking hopeful...
I have a great new idea, I journalled last night (okay I know it’s not a word, let's get past that, you should know by reading I make them up as I go, like Shakespeare) and had a great brainstorming session,
So let’s say number of brainstorm: 5 pages...
There that at least makes me feel a bit better. My dear Grace I do hope you are feeling better as well.
So just how crazy is the thought... and this comes some from my brainstorming... that when we die inside our minds our head falls like Christ? Could we see the crucifixion before we die? Or is this my faith filled background leaking into my perceptions of afterlife? Okay, so I was drunk and happy and realized that at that moment, my life could have ended on a happy note. That I hoped one day my life would end with me in bliss filled happiness smothered in calmed gravy and euphoric sprinkles...No I was not on drugs...I was just very happy sitting around, okay so I smoked a fag outside, and thinking of how our lives (the people from K-town were there and I was reminiscing)…where so different now and in a better way. It was old friends coming together and taking joy in life, rather than harping on the past. What a wonderful experience to have. But it dawned on me, that this is how I wanted to die. Then of course that went into how I wanted to show death in my play and how do I use that. It would be better for a screenplay, yada yada, la la la… It was today, several days passed, that I realized I need to forget the yada yada, and go for it…I don’t know how yet, but just start writing.
Recently, I am a bit random, blogging between work and such, I was thinking how different my life would have been. The different paths we take. Of course, this is nothing new.
I have an audition next week. Seussical, well, I am scared, but I think I have it in me…Hell, I can do that…
Lestat
08 August 2005
?Que dice?
Number of pages written today: none :(
Quote:From Queer as Folk
Brian: Yeah well, that's the thing about being a superhero. The average person thinks it's all about stopping two planets from colliding or saving the universe from being swallowed by a black hole. But most days, it's just your average run-of-the-mill good deeds. (403)
Yeah that explains a good deal about how I feel today, "I want to see mountains, Gandolf..." But insteed I am shuffling office papers and doing laundry. Hope my tights dry. I think that we all live a type of superhero life. That we are able to do superhuman things. This is where the superheros come from, however, I do believe this is true. We are not always needed. Sometimes we are needed to be run of the mill average people. I am by no means promoting me into the role of superhero, however, I do believe we all have those moments. I want more, sometimes. Today I feel like I do want to go on a journey through death to find life, but maybe that is why I get depressed so much. I forget to focus on the life. The mundane. The easy. I need to work with the simple again. Learn why threading a needle is so calming or how sketching can calm me or how I don't need all of these amazing things to happen to me all the time. I have had a lot of fun and tend to live in a fantasy world of fun and madness that is quite enjoyable. However, recently I have needed it to slow down. Just a bit not too much. Then it did. Today, wow, I realize how much I don't want to be stuck here doing the nothing I have packed for myself to do. I want to relax and compose myself, not do the nothingness of laundry. I need to find the joy in folding the clothes...hanging them...washing them...calm...breathe...breath...okay so I don't know if it will work...I will post more later...
07 August 2005
silencio
Quote: From The Broken Hearts Club
Jack: Everyone can't be straight. Everyone can't be beautiful. Everyone can't be the same, Patrick. Some people are just gay and average. We're the strongest I think.
Pages written today: none :(
Sometimes I feel so silenced in real life. I wished that I could be a Quentin Tarantino anime character and voice the words and eat them so they never came out. But if I was that character then they would have just came out and then I would have dined on them the very second they where hanging in the air. Okay, so I always I have things I want to say. I say them kinesthetically, I say them in here, I say them to my Grace, I say them in my plays, but more often then not, I never get to say them. I become afraid that if I do they may never come true. I think this is one of the few ways I am a p person. I often say things I don't mean so that they won't come true. Or I don't say them because they hurt me to much, oh Genevieve I hear your voice all the time...but alas, I haven't written in 3 or 4 days...
I cried hearing Seussical again today. I know, I cry to much, but I am making up for the crying I don't do in public. I also cried again at Broken Hearts Club, that movies is so 80's friendly. Thank the Lord the filmmakers loved John Waters and the Brat Pack...I cried most because I understand the lead so well. How he is in love with someone, but he needs to make himself better by going away. DAMN YOU TIMING... I hate timing with all of my heart.
It's about to be fall...wow, it's about to be fall...I feel the leaves of my soul approaching this autumn with showers of color and grace...
I can't wait to start work on Seussical, however, I am not completely finished with JCS...must complete this week. And I have several costume sketches to go through. I need to bite the bullet and let Dee know that I don't think we can get away costuming little JoJo in the wonderful design. I just think it will be too distracting. Unfortunately...
Back to Broken Hearts Club, wow, okay I am obsessed I know, but the scene with Howie and his ex, man what a great scene. He reminds his ex who is now with someone that his ex had told him that he was just waiting on him. Howie then says, "Well, you didn't wait long enough." He then goes on to say that he hopes everything works out and that he is happy in his knew life, but that if it didn't he would be waiting. He says, "it's my time to wait, and this time I will wait long enough." Wow. I am so in cheezy romance movie happiness...
Fantasies:
Kiss boy in rain: still no check
Sent out a song anonymously: Check
Find old pic(without searching): Check
Jack: Everyone can't be straight. Everyone can't be beautiful. Everyone can't be the same, Patrick. Some people are just gay and average. We're the strongest I think.
Pages written today: none :(
Sometimes I feel so silenced in real life. I wished that I could be a Quentin Tarantino anime character and voice the words and eat them so they never came out. But if I was that character then they would have just came out and then I would have dined on them the very second they where hanging in the air. Okay, so I always I have things I want to say. I say them kinesthetically, I say them in here, I say them to my Grace, I say them in my plays, but more often then not, I never get to say them. I become afraid that if I do they may never come true. I think this is one of the few ways I am a p person. I often say things I don't mean so that they won't come true. Or I don't say them because they hurt me to much, oh Genevieve I hear your voice all the time...but alas, I haven't written in 3 or 4 days...
I cried hearing Seussical again today. I know, I cry to much, but I am making up for the crying I don't do in public. I also cried again at Broken Hearts Club, that movies is so 80's friendly. Thank the Lord the filmmakers loved John Waters and the Brat Pack...I cried most because I understand the lead so well. How he is in love with someone, but he needs to make himself better by going away. DAMN YOU TIMING... I hate timing with all of my heart.
It's about to be fall...wow, it's about to be fall...I feel the leaves of my soul approaching this autumn with showers of color and grace...
I can't wait to start work on Seussical, however, I am not completely finished with JCS...must complete this week. And I have several costume sketches to go through. I need to bite the bullet and let Dee know that I don't think we can get away costuming little JoJo in the wonderful design. I just think it will be too distracting. Unfortunately...
Back to Broken Hearts Club, wow, okay I am obsessed I know, but the scene with Howie and his ex, man what a great scene. He reminds his ex who is now with someone that his ex had told him that he was just waiting on him. Howie then says, "Well, you didn't wait long enough." He then goes on to say that he hopes everything works out and that he is happy in his knew life, but that if it didn't he would be waiting. He says, "it's my time to wait, and this time I will wait long enough." Wow. I am so in cheezy romance movie happiness...
Fantasies:
Kiss boy in rain: still no check
Sent out a song anonymously: Check
Find old pic(without searching): Check
03 August 2005
| How You Life Your Life |
 You seem to be straight forward, but you keep a lot inside. You tend to avoid confrontation and stay away from sticky situations. You tend to have one best friend you hang with, as opposed to many aquaintences. Some of your past dreams have disappointed you, but you don't let it get you down. |
Part Passionate Kisser |
 For you, kissing is about all about following your urges If someone's hot, you'll go in for the kiss - end of story You can keep any relationship hot with your steamy kisses A total spark plug - your kisses are bound to get you in trouble |
Part Expert Kisser |
 You're a kissing pro, but it's all about quality and not quantity You've perfected your kissing technique and can knock anyone's socks off And you're adaptable, giving each partner what they crave When it comes down to it, your kisses are truly unforgettable |
burbuja del pensamiento
In other news...
The song of the moment to a special someone:
Title: I'M NOT SAYING A WORD
EDWARD:
If I could stand inside his shoes I'd say
How can I compare thee to a Summer's day?
I'd take a page in all the papers
I'd announce it in the news
If it was the guy, if I was in his shoes
If I was him, I'd bring you flowers
And ask you to dance
We'd while away the hours making
Future plans
For rainy days in country lanes
And trips to the sea
I'd just tell you that I love you
If it was me.
But I'm not saying a word,
I'm not saying I care,
Thought I would like you to know
That I'm not saying a word,
I'm not saying I care,
Though I would like you to know
If I was him I'd have to tell you
What I've kept in my heart
That even if we had to live
Some worlds apart
There would not be day
In which I'd not think of you
If I was him, if I was him
That's what I do.
But I'm not saying a word
I'm not saying I care
Though I would like you to know
That I'm not saying a word
I'm not saying I care
Though I would like you to know
EDWARD:
But I'm not.
LINDA
What?
EDWARD
Mickey.
Goals:
Slow dance, Check
Seduction, Check
Kiss in Rain, no check,
Newest goal, send out a song to a guy I like, CHECK!
The song of the moment to a special someone:
Title: I'M NOT SAYING A WORD
EDWARD:
If I could stand inside his shoes I'd say
How can I compare thee to a Summer's day?
I'd take a page in all the papers
I'd announce it in the news
If it was the guy, if I was in his shoes
If I was him, I'd bring you flowers
And ask you to dance
We'd while away the hours making
Future plans
For rainy days in country lanes
And trips to the sea
I'd just tell you that I love you
If it was me.
But I'm not saying a word,
I'm not saying I care,
Thought I would like you to know
That I'm not saying a word,
I'm not saying I care,
Though I would like you to know
If I was him I'd have to tell you
What I've kept in my heart
That even if we had to live
Some worlds apart
There would not be day
In which I'd not think of you
If I was him, if I was him
That's what I do.
But I'm not saying a word
I'm not saying I care
Though I would like you to know
That I'm not saying a word
I'm not saying I care
Though I would like you to know
EDWARD:
But I'm not.
LINDA
What?
EDWARD
Mickey.
Goals:
Slow dance, Check
Seduction, Check
Kiss in Rain, no check,
Newest goal, send out a song to a guy I like, CHECK!
Sicopático
¿que quiera se la vida, usted desea coger con mí?
So, yeah...
A note about an ungrateful little ingrate...
Some people I just cannot handle. My 85 years young neighbor decides to have a birthday gathering the other day. It just so happens that only a few people from the apt complex was invited. Not because she didn't want to invite everyone, it's just the way it worked out. Also, she wanted it low stress, I mean she is turning 86, and we were having a few hot toddies, and well, just kicking back. I said she was turning 86, not dead. Well, one friend got very upset at not, "getting invited." Well, you know what you had a program you were presenting at UNT, get over it you fucking bitch and don't piss everyone off with your stupid, worthless blog that you stole every idea you put up there with.
Well, I feel better, so after posting some horrible things, good thing my little 86 y/o who just happens to be very computer savey, doesn't pay attention to a hollow voice that causes nothing but pain. I hope she rots...
It's okay Mary Tyler Moore, I got your back.
Just to let everyone know, "don't fuck with the fairies, we are prone to cut a bitch..."
I am better now, and I'm spent...
So, yeah...
A note about an ungrateful little ingrate...
Some people I just cannot handle. My 85 years young neighbor decides to have a birthday gathering the other day. It just so happens that only a few people from the apt complex was invited. Not because she didn't want to invite everyone, it's just the way it worked out. Also, she wanted it low stress, I mean she is turning 86, and we were having a few hot toddies, and well, just kicking back. I said she was turning 86, not dead. Well, one friend got very upset at not, "getting invited." Well, you know what you had a program you were presenting at UNT, get over it you fucking bitch and don't piss everyone off with your stupid, worthless blog that you stole every idea you put up there with.
Well, I feel better, so after posting some horrible things, good thing my little 86 y/o who just happens to be very computer savey, doesn't pay attention to a hollow voice that causes nothing but pain. I hope she rots...
It's okay Mary Tyler Moore, I got your back.
Just to let everyone know, "don't fuck with the fairies, we are prone to cut a bitch..."
I am better now, and I'm spent...
02 August 2005
olcultado
I guess right now, I am feeling olcutado. I don't feel as if right now, although I am being scrutinized by several forces, that I am being seen.
Today has been a hell day indeed. Office work and show laundry have cluttered my life right now. I need to also do my laundry and work on my plays of which I am very excited about right now. I want to feel inspired and I do. Now, finding the time to sit and write, what I should be doing now, but then this is theropy. I guess.
I have the men of my play running around in my mind. Situations of extreme comedy and tragedy float up to my movie picture studio mind. I am caught in a vortex of imagination. Which for me is good, since that is how I enjoy life, however, it has been hard since most of the men I am basing my characters off of are in my life. I have surrounded myself with them. Which is also good and well, because it gives me great chances to think up new and exhilarating situations to write about. One thing that weighs on my mind is how to end this new play. Which man will end up with each other? I don't know the answer to that. Could I possibly be waiting to see how real life works out. he he he...Okay so my life is not that interesting...No, unfortunately I am imitating life, and as of now, the life is not imitating the art, well, no, a little, but I think its that little that makes it life and not a play. But I have said to much and I am sure I might get asked about what this means by one of the boys...so to put their mind at ease, I am writing fiction, lets always remember that...
Finally, I just feel pooped!! I am so tired lately. I don't know why, I have finished all my deadlines as of now and have very little stress. Well, I have stress to come and maybe I am thinking about that, but I really should not.
Old goal, to kiss a boy in the rain (yet to be done).
New goal, to seduce a boy without having sex, (it has happened)
Newer goal, to slow dance with a cute boy
Today has been a hell day indeed. Office work and show laundry have cluttered my life right now. I need to also do my laundry and work on my plays of which I am very excited about right now. I want to feel inspired and I do. Now, finding the time to sit and write, what I should be doing now, but then this is theropy. I guess.
I have the men of my play running around in my mind. Situations of extreme comedy and tragedy float up to my movie picture studio mind. I am caught in a vortex of imagination. Which for me is good, since that is how I enjoy life, however, it has been hard since most of the men I am basing my characters off of are in my life. I have surrounded myself with them. Which is also good and well, because it gives me great chances to think up new and exhilarating situations to write about. One thing that weighs on my mind is how to end this new play. Which man will end up with each other? I don't know the answer to that. Could I possibly be waiting to see how real life works out. he he he...Okay so my life is not that interesting...No, unfortunately I am imitating life, and as of now, the life is not imitating the art, well, no, a little, but I think its that little that makes it life and not a play. But I have said to much and I am sure I might get asked about what this means by one of the boys...so to put their mind at ease, I am writing fiction, lets always remember that...
Finally, I just feel pooped!! I am so tired lately. I don't know why, I have finished all my deadlines as of now and have very little stress. Well, I have stress to come and maybe I am thinking about that, but I really should not.
Old goal, to kiss a boy in the rain (yet to be done).
New goal, to seduce a boy without having sex, (it has happened)
Newer goal, to slow dance with a cute boy
01 August 2005
el lindito
?Que? Soy demasiado lindo ser atractivo(okay so there is not a word I know for sexy in Spanish yet, I am working on it, I am not as you guessed by now a native speaker).
So, I am not the sexy bitch everyone proclaims me to be, okay no one proclaims me to be...but I am super cute. In that I have my moments of sexy power that randomly, and under the most unusual factors, comes out. I was sexy the other day, and even seduced someone. Wow, I know. It was kind of awesome. It made me feel pretty powerful. But other than that...it was a great writing tool. I started to think about it today, at work...Okay, just so that everyone knows, while I was working. And it started to make me cry. Not that I had a sexy moment, but this new scene that I played out in my head. It is a perfect fit into the new play I am writing. I had to leave the room the feeling swept over me so much.
Thank you to the MAN that made the scene possible, and to the men who have already set my mind in motion with this new script. I have another scene written in my other play. The one I need to be working on, but when that beautiful of a scene comes, I don't care I need to save it for all time...no matter how long I have to wait to put it into a scene, or use it for a short 10 min piece.
So, I am going to starting into the major planning for my producing of the short play festival I am going to be working on. I am very excited about it and cannot wait to get underway. I have a few things to sort out, but I am very excited. I can't wait to see Superboy and DeDe to start with Seusical and I have to finish the laundry from JCS. AHHHH, you would think I was busy or something...well, I guess I will jet and gloat about this wonderful scene...Okay, so I am not a total asshole and you all don't really think I am that egotistical, I really think these scenes come from someother lifeforce upstairs... And that's not bullshit I promise. I really do beleive that this, whatever it is, comes from the creative energy I surround myself with, so thank you all for being a part of making my play so great. It is for you all...Babs, I am starting to see the changes I am making in the one script and I am starting to see that they are you, same with my new play thank you Derrel, TJ, Superboy and the unnamed person who are creating these exciting and wonderful characters I get to write into awkward situations... I can't wait for you all to start reading them when they are done...
One will be read soon enough!!! It's about to be playtime!!! Heck YES!
So, I am not the sexy bitch everyone proclaims me to be, okay no one proclaims me to be...but I am super cute. In that I have my moments of sexy power that randomly, and under the most unusual factors, comes out. I was sexy the other day, and even seduced someone. Wow, I know. It was kind of awesome. It made me feel pretty powerful. But other than that...it was a great writing tool. I started to think about it today, at work...Okay, just so that everyone knows, while I was working. And it started to make me cry. Not that I had a sexy moment, but this new scene that I played out in my head. It is a perfect fit into the new play I am writing. I had to leave the room the feeling swept over me so much.
Thank you to the MAN that made the scene possible, and to the men who have already set my mind in motion with this new script. I have another scene written in my other play. The one I need to be working on, but when that beautiful of a scene comes, I don't care I need to save it for all time...no matter how long I have to wait to put it into a scene, or use it for a short 10 min piece.
So, I am going to starting into the major planning for my producing of the short play festival I am going to be working on. I am very excited about it and cannot wait to get underway. I have a few things to sort out, but I am very excited. I can't wait to see Superboy and DeDe to start with Seusical and I have to finish the laundry from JCS. AHHHH, you would think I was busy or something...well, I guess I will jet and gloat about this wonderful scene...Okay, so I am not a total asshole and you all don't really think I am that egotistical, I really think these scenes come from someother lifeforce upstairs... And that's not bullshit I promise. I really do beleive that this, whatever it is, comes from the creative energy I surround myself with, so thank you all for being a part of making my play so great. It is for you all...Babs, I am starting to see the changes I am making in the one script and I am starting to see that they are you, same with my new play thank you Derrel, TJ, Superboy and the unnamed person who are creating these exciting and wonderful characters I get to write into awkward situations... I can't wait for you all to start reading them when they are done...
One will be read soon enough!!! It's about to be playtime!!! Heck YES!
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