cansado y derrotado

cansado y derrotado
Originally uploaded by lestatoberon.

Michael: Why am I always Lois Lane? (101)

I think if I hear the word Seussical or audition one more time, I think I am going to scream. And tonight I am going out on the town with several people I auditioned with. I think I will scream enough before we head out.

It's not so much that I didn't get called back for the role I wanted, but that I let it get to me that much, and it is still getting to me. Possibly because of one of the guys they called back for the role. He had no reason to be there. They kept us sitting there waiting for 2 hours before even telling us what we were their for. And were very rude to us. Come on. I am an actor not a douche bag. Just let me know what I am going to be reading for and let me prepare. Also, I wasn't expecting most of the roles, because I am not a singer. And yet somehow the director had it in his mind that I can sing harmony just great. It will be so easy. Now, as soon as I get cast, I will be learning to sing harmony and crying myself to sleep every night because I won't get it until the last week, because I suck at singing. But Oh well. I was expecting to read for a role that was improve and speaking mainly. Very little singing and where the singing was that hard. Guess I was wrong. Oh well. I am also, just tired of musicals. I don't want to audition for another one for a while. I long to do a play again. Something of substance. Something fun (call me weird but Shakespeare, Wilde, Sheridan, the Greeks, and Beckett is great fun for me).

It also made me realize very quickly that what this production wanted were people who can sing very well. And then if they can act that's cool. So, whatever, I will chalk that up to that.

Disclaimer:
As you have read in my blog, I don't think to highly of myself. I am about to speak very highly of me doing what I do best. If you don't like ego, don't read. Skip to paragraph of continue here.

I am just a bit tired of working my ass off doing things I don't like doing to get noticed. And then of course they like what I hate doing and hate me doing what I like. Ah, yes that's life. I swear my designs will make me a lot of money. Especially if I design for commercial theatre, but I hate doing it. It is well, boring. I can design in my sleep and I hate that. Because, I don't really care to do it, but I use it as an in for acting and directing. It just seems like they see my great designs and want me as that. Screw you guys, I don't want to design anything unless I am paid. I just want to direct now and act for free. But NO, to get an acting role I need to be noticed by doing the costumes...blah blah blah...I really am a good actor I promise, that's just it, I am good at acting, in plays, not musicals. Oh well, as Emmett says, "Fuck em all."

Okay continue here:

So yeah, I am a hoping to get a directing gig with them and I do want to rise to the challenge and do this role to prove to myself I can do it. So, that is that. Deal is done. I am tired of worrying and fretting and bullshitting over it. I just want this show over and done with.

And then, hopefully I will get to direct the show I want.

On a better, note I was asked to direct a play from some students who are working toward a company of their own. I am excited, it is a great script that is dark and more my ally. It's WWI and about the ghost that haunt them. I am very into it. I hope I have the time and can do it. It will be like a "mini Group Theatre!!" And they are very excited to have me as a director who is also a designer, because they are all designers and want to design, and I have a vocabulary to talk with them as designers, because I am one!!! So, no pressure on designing!!!

Ah that is music to my ears...

Superboy, you are amazing, thanx for the gameplay last night. You will never know how much I needed that.