Brian: Did I mention it hurts like a motherfucker? (414)
Brian: I'd run away screaming, but it's been a long day. (203)
Brian: This used to be such a magical kingdom full of sprites and fairies. (314)
Michael: I don't wanna be a saint. I wanna be a ruthless, heartless shit who fucks whoever he wants without conscience or remorse!
Brian: Sorry, that position has already been filled. (118)
So...
Sobre ayer a noche...
After several drinks, I did something I didn't want to do. I always seem to find guys that I want to fall in love with, but can't...Timing, boyfriend, fill in the blank. And recently this has been the case. But last night was a clusterfuck, and I do mean that in the gravest sense...
Exhibit One,
Riff called the other day out of the blue wanting to take me to Austin for Labor Day. I can't go back to that uncertainty, but not only that, he threw a big curve ball at me. We talked about he man he used to love and how he missed out on that and how he is very sad by that. We cut through the bullshit, as we did from time to time back in West Side. But what of that. I can't do that. I can't be that to you. I did fall for you and I did tell you, and well, I waited for a long time. Time is up...He asked me if I didn't believe his story. I told him I did. I think that is the problem, he hasn't dealt with that man. And then I pulled the black card out about how I wished he was truer to himself. Which he took the wrong way and had to hang up.
Exhibit Two,
Several of my friends are going through hell and it has ran a toll on them. I am adversly effected, because I love them. I feel for them and I worry. I love them, and I am happy they are in my life. And I want to tell them this too will pass...
Exhibit Three,
We all had planned to go out. Well, after that fateful phone call I shouldn't have, but I did. This boy wanted to be there for me. We are close friends and I love him so much. But that is the problem...I do have more than friendship feelings for this man. And I have to push him away. And I feel like an asshole, because I am. And tonight, I told him why I have to push him away. Because it's not going to happen. He doesn't have those feelings for me, or if he does, he is happy with his boyfriend. We talked for a long time. And we agreed to stay excellent friends...
...now all I want to do is cry...
and I have, a lot, and I will a lot. and life will go on. I just feel like an idiot. Okay stike that, I am an idiot. I should have never said anything. Now, I will always feel guilty around him. It is my fault. I will never fall in love...and that's okay...
The quotes are from my favorite show that ended, Queer as Folk...Thank you for the laughter and tears. The good and the bad. I think I will always remember these quotes, and many more. I post these because of where I am right now. Talk to me Brian, I need your support...
Cheers loves, I am going to go out and get on with my life today...
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