Michael: I'm half Italian and half drag queen. I'm allowed to get worked up. (Episode: 304)

Sometimes I feel like Michael Novotny, okay according to one of my fairy supporters I am Michael. I haven't felt much like posting online. I thave been worked up, upset, happy, sad (to the point of balling my eyes out), on all fours (cleaning you dirty minded people, remind me to spank you later, he he he), and generally crazy. I was sick for most of the weekend, but had a nice evening with Larry, okay, so it wasn't that nice, it wasn't even a date :( but we did go see a scary movie together. It was House of Wax. I know, but I love being scared, problem is it was not that scary. We seemed to have fun, but I think he still wants to just be friends which, is fine. I would prefer more, but hey that's just me. We have fun, and I think more than anything I am just tired of being alone. There I said it is everyone freaking happy. The only reason I want him, OTHER than the chase and the thrill, is because I am tired of being alone. I want to go out have fun. Yeah Yeah, something casual... sweaters or casual, relationships are not... wow that movie just brought me some memories.

Speaking of that movie, the quote, "Dumb gorgeous people should not be allowed to use literature when competing in the pickup pool. It's like bald people wearing hats...it's deceiving..." spoken by the man on the link to this superhero.

That's my random ending for today.

mood: soñoliento
song: las vias del amor (it's on the media radio, don't ask)

A Challenge for all

I thought with so many writers out there a fun little exercise/challenge was on the way. To anyone who wants to participate please do...

The Rules:

1) You may not change someone else’s paragraph.
2) You may write/do anything from the stop point.
3) You must post the answer on my comments if room allows or leave word where your site is that you are continuing the story. (This way we aren't going in five different directions, that my be the next challenge, hmmmmm, I think so). Also no back tracking, or reviving of characters, or killing them without perpetuation of the story.
4) You must be nice and not post anything rude about the way someone is taking the story.
5) The story is over when I feel an ending has been reached (remember 10 kilometers is a long stretch, and what happens after that???), so please don't try to end it unless asked.
6) Have FUN!!!


Story open

The two men looked over the opening of their death or victory. Jace had gone without food for several days nourishing the weak Eli whose stomach had not felt the weight of bread for two days. The last of their water touched their tongues in this penultimate moment. The silence was their only form of communication in this stretch of Hell. Jace's soft blues lifted to the glazed over green of Eli's eyes. With this one glance, the built up lactic acid in Jace's legs exploded into action as he made his way through the ten kilometer sprint to safe land. Eli's breath of luck for his hero was answered by the streaks of fire flying toward Jace. With no further hesitation Eli forged his way onto the field...

Brian Kenny 

Brian: Did I mention it hurts like a motherf*cker? (414)

So, to quote Brian Kenny, and no, not in the anal area...dirty sluts...I woke up sore from all the dancing I did last night. Not because it was the hardest I had done, but just because I was out of shape. I need to start walking/jogging again to get my stamina back. I think, although there are some clicks in this cast, I think that really we all mesh well. At least as gypsies go. We are all a little different and are there to have fun. Which in the long run is all that I can ask for. Tonight TJ and I are going to have drinks. It will be fun to laugh and talk outside of rehearsal, in an atmosphere where we can say anything. I feel a bit bad about not being able to be the Brian Kenny Character of f*ck you I say what I want, but I am because he is all business and this is my business. I don't want to shake the waters and so I tend to keep my mouth shut, unlike in Cab when I could speak freely whenever I wanted, because we all felt the same way, most of the time.

In other news...Babs don't feel so bad about the writers block. I have 3 scripts that I want to start and not a one of them have touched paper. I think I have an idea for the beginning of one, but when do I have time to write it down? he he. So just roll with it. Do some dancing or artwork, go exercise, or do something physical and maybe that will get the juices flowing. This time you can take it how you like it (dirty slut, he he)...

I keep finding myself more and more attracted to Larry, mainly because we spend so much time together. I know it's just a let's hop in bed thing (it's okay I have permission from Consuela to do this), but I know that we will probably end up dating(I don't have permission to do this), but he will be gone after next semester. Maybe it would be a good thing to try and date him, at least that way I won't be alone...But then again in the back of my mind I may be looking too much into what he says and does around me, and he may truely not be interested...In which case I have just spilled all this and will hear many boo's from the E3 for nothing...But like I said whatever happens would just be a quick fix, nothing longterm...I am Brian Kenny at times...

Well I am about to go to work friends, maybe I will post more later...

Lestat

Michael: Where are her values? Her principles? Brian: You know how it is when you want cock. They're the first things to go. (214)

So today has been very blah. No one is in my office (they are all at a "staff retreat," oh please, you go have baked goods at the head hanchos house). But nevertheless I have to hold down the fort. Sometimes I wonder if that is what I am doing with my life. Just holding down the fort. Not hanging of for dear life, just being a watchman. What now am I watching for? I have seen moments that I have wanted come alive in front of me, and I have not left. I have seen things crumble, and I have stayed. I have seen the line on the EKG of my existence in this place I call home go flat and I have let my self stay still. I feel like I should be moving. Spain is real nice, but I need adventure...I would love to take off to Prague or Moscow or run away to America even. I don't know, just something different to break up the monotony of life.

Enough with that...My dear Babs, I wonder if you have received my crazy voice mail. I probably shouldn't write this on the site, because he does have access to it, but at least BC will know, I was going to wish him a happy B-day yesterday, however, I don't have any phone numbers or email to get a hold of him...I felt kind of bad, because this is the first time in 5 or 6 years I haven't said Happy Birthday to him...Not to mention he shares it with my sister...Oh well...What can I do?

ACL is going well. TJ is okay and I think starting to enjoy it. Larry is having fun and has started to open up. I don't know how to read him just yet, but whatever, he's young... but very cute, why??? Oh well. Also, we have a few diva's in the cast. One in particular who on Wednesday bit everyone's head off. Get over yourself honey... You might be good, but you will never be that good, no one is...

Okay I think it is time to get back to work... I have wasted enough time. Hope all is well out there. Take care mis amigos...

Cheers,

Lestat

Ten Year Reunion is only a couple more years away

At your ten year high school reunion... by robbiewriter
Your school name
Your name
Your job will be	Porn star
You will be worth	$327,908
Everyone will think you	smell like you did in PE
Quiz created with MemeGen!

At your ten year high school reunion... by robbiewriter
Your school name
Your name
Your job will be	President of a small country
You will be worth	$118,785
Everyone will think you	looked cuter in high school
Quiz created with MemeGen!

Emmett : Little Mary Sunshine died. I'm Little Mary Go F*ck Yourself. (Ep. 313)

I have realized many things as I quit smoking...(or for those of you who haven't smoked you can also think of it as being alone)...

One: It's a little harder to have motivation to get out of bed, when there is not fag to get up to.

Two: Meals are never the same with out having a fag to end it with.

Three: Sex just isn't sex without a fag...

Okay so I haven't had any still...hmmmm, suddenly in the background we hear the ticker on the death toll reach 415. But really, it isn't that bad not having the old friend around.

One: I smell better.

Two: I sing better...

Three: I hope this means I f*ck better...

Okay enough with the clever three pointers I am starting to sound like a bigoted, closety Baptist preacher.

In other news, props to this weekends lucky bachelorette!!! Next weekend marks the weeding of the century...Move over Charles and Camilla make room for Action and Consuela!!!

Yes the two love birds from WSS are hitching it! Everyone here in the realm of cyber space wish you good luck...Yes I do talk for everyone in cyber space...

ACL is going well and I have to be off score on Tuesday. I am sure everything will go as planned...I think...

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Sin City!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What an amazing movie...Robert Rodriguez you amaze me yet again...

What a performance from everyone and the look of the show... mmmmm, and he used most of my ex-husbands...

Eli Wood, mmmmmm so hot in this movie...
Benicio, mmmmmm so dirty in this movie...
Clive, mmmmmmmmmm you sexy slut you mmmmmmmmmm...

Yes, needless to say I loved it an I think I scared the shit out of Babs on the way home, because after seeing a movie like that I tend to think I am in a movie and drive a little more crazy... mmmmmmm

Well, it's time for the shower I was Hector today in the battle between him and Achilles... Yeah I know, I'm tough... ;)

Cheers,

Lestat

Yes I had to do it...

Your Sexual Profile (you sexual deviant you...) by sparkledee
Name
Your Secret Kink Thing	You sniff panties.
Your Sexual Strength	Your super bed gymnastics!
Your Sexual Weakness	You are afraid of lesbians.
Your Likely STD	Chlamydia
How Many Partners in Crime?	Ha! You're a SLUT!
Quiz created with MemeGen!

La la la, If anyone has the numbers that are missing please let me know

copy this and bold the things that apply to you:

1. I miss someone right now.
2. I don't watch much TV these days.
3. I love olives.
4. I love sleeping.
5. I own lots of books.
6. I wear glasses or contact lenses.
7. I love to play video games.
8. I have tried marijuana.
9. I have watched porn films
10. I have been in a threesome.
11. I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.
12. I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
13. I have acne-free skin.
14. I like and respect Al Sharpton.
15. I curse frequently. It’s a horribly bad habit.
16. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.
17. I have a hobby.
18. I love clothes, accessories and getting my hair done19. I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
20. I'm really, really smart.
21. I've never broken someone's bones. Unless my own counts as “someone’s”
22. I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal.
23. I hate the rain.
24. I'm paranoid at times.
25. I own a 90's pop CD.
26. I need money right now
27. I love sushi.
28. I talk really, really fast sometimes.29. I have fresh breath in the morning.
30. I have semi-long hair.
31. I still love my ex.
32. I have at least one brother and/or one sister.
33. I was born in a country outside of the U.S.
34. I shave my legs and face on a regular basis.
35. I have a twin.
36. I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past.
37. I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
38. I like the way that I look sometimes.
39. I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months.
40. I have brown eyes.
41. I am usually pessimistic.
42. I have a lot of mood swings.
43. I think prostitution should be legalized.
44. I think Britney Spears is hot.
45. I have cheated on a significant other in the past.
46. I have a hidden talent.
47. I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I've had.
48. I think that I'm popular.
49. I am currently single.
50. I have kissed someone of the same and opposite sex.
51. I enjoy talking on the phone.
52. I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants
53. I love to shop.
54. I would rather shop than eat.
55. I would classify myself as ghetto.
56. I'm bourgie and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders.
57. I'm obsessed with my online journal
58. I don't hate anyone.
59. I'm a pretty good dancer.
61. I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
62. I have a cell phone.
63. I believe in God.
64. I watch MTV/Vh1 on a daily basis.
65. I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
66. I love drama.
67. I have never been in a real romantic relationship before.
69. I currently have a crush on someone.
71. I want to have children in the future.
72. I have changed a diaper before.
73. I've called the cops on a friend before.
75. I am a member of the Tom Green fan club.
76. I'm not allergic to anything.
77. I have a lot to learn.
78. I have dated someone at least 10 years older or younger.
79. I plan on seeing an ex-boy/girlfriend within the next day at school.
80. I am very shy around the same sex sometimes.
81. I am online 24/7, even as an away message.
82. I have at least 5 away messages saved.
83. I have tried alcohol or drugs before.
84. I believe marijuana should be legalized.
85. I own the South Park movie.
86. I have avoided assignments at work/school to be on Blogger.
87. When I was a kid I played "The Birds and the Bees" with a neighbor or chum.
88. I enjoy some country music.
89. I want to beat Britney Spears with a rock for over an hour!!!!
90. I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.
91. I watch soap operas whenever I can.
92. I'm obsessive, anal retentive, and often a perfectionist.
93. I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
94. I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.
95. I know all the words to Slick Rick's "Children's Story."
96. I have heard of Slick Rick’s “Children’s Story.”
97. Halloween is awesome.
98. I watch Spongebob Squarepants, and I like it.
99. I have dated a close friend's ex.
100. I'm happy as of this moment.
101. I was born in the 80s but I am truly a child of the 90s.
102. I haven't showered in two days... and I like it.
103. Japan is freakin’ awesome.
104. I'm obsessed with getting manicures/pedicures.
105. I want to visit Italy either for the first time or again...
106. I'm one of those types who is easily amused; the stupidest of things can make me laugh.
107. I have cried in the last week.
108. I have flirted with someone I didn't like just to get something out of it.
109. I like at least three British Comedy television shows.
110. I have lived in one place for more than 10 years.
111. I have overslept and missed class.
112. I have been on TV.
113. I listen to music no matter what I'm doing.
114. I yell at the TV when I watch sports.
115. I miss being homeless.
116. I have been to the funeral of a close friend and/or relative.
117. I was in a situation where I almost died.
118. I think that Burger King has the best fast food.
119. I want to become a novelist.
120. I have dyed hair.
121. I cry about pointless things very often.
122. I love taking bubble baths.
123. Second place doesn't mean you're a winner.
124. I have a SERIOUS procrastination problem.
125. I have translated in French to another employee.
126. I sometimes forget where I live.
127. I want to go home.
128. I am ready to forget about certain people.
129. I love to run.
130. I'm a chick guitarist.
131. I’m a chick pianist.
132. I want to join the Peace Corps.
133. I don’t want to grow up.
134. I am obsessed with WB dramas.
135. I have left my time zone.
136. To die would be a great adventure.

Ted: After all, I am a gay man and sex is our national pastime. (Episode: 410)

Okay so I had a pic to go with this, but my main comp is down and I am at work. So, no dice. I always forget how many gay men there are here in Madrid. That is until I do a musical theatre piece. They come out of the woodwork. I think TJ put it best when he said, "I think in Cabaret we had just enough, but in Chorus Line I think we have overstepped the boundaries of the limits of how many homosexuals can be in one room." Thanks TJ, but I am okay with a room full off queers. I miss it when I have to go into the world of breeders. I know, I know, I am not being so PC right now. You know, my best friends are straight (I love you Babs and E3) and so is my sister, so there I don't have to prove myself, I do like straight people. Ha. But really, it makes me remember when I used to hang out all the time in the gayborhood and be surrounded with close gay friends and remembering that it is like hanging out with my theatre friends here, but that it's not the fact that we have theatre in common. Anyway, I think that really the reason why I want to be surrounded by gay men, and more importantly cutie ones is because I need to engage in my national past time...Well, that's all for now.

Lestat

BTW Thanks E3 here is my answer

Your Dark Secret by tinyman
Your LiveJournal name
Your dark secret	You suck cock for cocaine
How many times you have done this	6
Quiz created with MemeGen!

And now for something completely me

What Icons are for you? by ladyallie
Username
Favourite Colour
Sex	MaleFemaleYES PLEASE!UndecidedBothNeither
Your Love icon is...
Your Sad Icon is...
Your Happy Icon is...
Your Angry Icon is...
Your Food Icon is...
Your Animal Icon is...
Your Random Icon is...
Your Cartoon Icon is...
Your Sexy Icon is...
Quiz created with MemeGen!

I was calling to see if you would "give me a ride" =)

So, this part of the post is a bit censored. Those who know and love me will get it. Who knew giving rides could be so erotic...So, I give the cute young guy in my cast a ride every night because he has no car...(btw he is legal)... ...(and very gay)... and I can't help but get that feeling in my heart (or really something down below) of it lifting to the sky (that was supposed to be about my heart, he he). So I quit smoking the other day and my blog is going to get more and more about sex...I do this every time I try to quit. (guy number 26 I whose ass I have checked out and like just passed by). This time I am on the gum and it makes me want to throw up. Yes, every time I pop that piece of nic in my mouth I want to vomit. I know. Why am I doing this. Because I really have to quit this bad habit. The other thing about quitting is I get insanely horny because, one I have a huge oral fixation (no comments from the peanut gallery). And two, because I am usually a horny bastard who subdues his emotions with the puffs of fags (you can take that as you will)... So I am stuck without a man for a little while and with no fags. Life sucks right now, but maybe with the amount of cuties in the show and around, maybe I might find some people to f*ck...


Now you can tell I haven't been smoking...

Lestat

Auf Wiedersehen Cabaret

Yesterday we put Cabaret to bed. I always am a little said when I do this, but Cabaret was an amazing experience and I miss the people already. It was like doing West Side, but with a few new, less a few and crunched time with no time to party. The Cast received great reviews and we even sold out a few times!!! And now onto A Chorus Line. I like the show (okay so I can stand the show, which is more than I can say about most musical theatre), but I just know that it won't be as close nit as WSS or Cabaret was. I believe it will be a great experience, fun and I think it will kick serious a** but it won't be as amazing as working with my good friend as a director and being with people I know and love more than words. But I am used to this in theatre. I go and do shows all the time and either I love it totally or it's just okay. I am really actively working on making my mind change about Chorus Line. I know several of the guys and love them dearly. My fellow gypsies as we are called are all happy and have fun. And JT and I are co-presidents of the everyone must like each other club...mainly because we both hate every person on earth...not really...I don't want to talk about it. So, love life let's not talk about, sex life, would love to dish, but have nothing at this moment. Anything else... I don't know, so I will go...

Hasta Luego,

Lestat

Oh my Jesus!!!

Yes, I am about to open two shows tonight. One will be Accomplice which is the official show from hell, which I costume designed and Cabaret which I will be performing in. Needless to say, I will not be doing 2 shows at once again for a while. It would have been fine, however, I had almost no crew for Accomplice, and the little bit of crew I had kept messing up my costumes. Now, I was just told last night about another dress for Erika that I had no idea even existed and she wants me to have one for tonight. We open tonight and thanks to the fact that someone burned a 14 dollar a yard dress I had to rebuild (did I mention the dress had pleats in it) and that now to the fact that I rebuilt it, it no longer fits the actress. Not to mention the fact that my budget report is still not ready because the actresses where allowed to take one of my costumes I bought and return it for a higher pair of bra and panties and I still don't have that receipt. Yes, we have hit deaf com 5, and the world is spinning out of control. Thank you Jesus for giving me the chance to dance and sing in Cabaret or I would be completely insane right now. Also, I just found out that I was cast in A Chorus Line and will be going straight into those rehearsals on Monday. Have a good day everyone, I can't wait to close Accomplice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love Lestat

PS did I mention I can't wait to close Accomplice!!!!!!

I don't want to talk about it...

So possibly the reason why I haven't written in a while is because everything is going well. So, really I don't want to write in here. Because I like to use this space to clear my mind, and to talk about the things that are bothering me. Once everything in my life becomes complete, I stop writing for a while. However life always finds ways of making things go back to chaos. And granted my chaos is not that important, but it affects me. So, I write about it.

Riff are we going to have to wait till the last season to find out you're Mr. Big and you want to marry me? If so, then maybe I want to pick another character to have a love interest with...or maybe I have? So, while I won't wait on Mr. Big, Aiden will be there...And maybe in this version of Sex and the City, I will stay with Aiden...(I always did like him better than Big).

In other news cabaret is going well. It is such hard work, but will pay off soon enough. I love the dance numbers and wish I was in more, but they keep adding me in so maybe soon I will be in more. I have enjoyed working on this show, but I feel like I am not spending enough time on my show I am designing. Things are going so well with the designs and the construction, but I feel like I am not spending enough time in the shop. Well, it will all get done I am sure.

Next week I am teaching more than normal. I have to pick up a couple of my favorite profs classes so that he can go to jury duty. I also have a ton of homework due this week... Damn grad school papers.

I need to go away soon. I am going to apply this next year to schools elsewhere. Its time to move on. I feel that I need to go soon. Although it will be hard to leave the people I love here behind.

Babs and I had late lunch yesterday. What a fabulous time...when do we not have that, he he. I we talked and checked out guys, as usual, and were saddened by the fact that we were not sat in the hot waiter guy's section. Next time Babs, I am going to tell them to set is in the section of the hottest waiter...its just not fair to the girls we get, we don't tip them as well...he he he...oh I am bad, so spank me, he he he...

I must clean soon!!!! But I have to go to a play today with Babs. I will have a great time, but I will have to leave shortly after the play to come here and clean, blah...must find a cheap house cleaner...oh wait I have no money in my budget for that...damn...

Well, on that note I am going to start cleaning so that tonight, I won't have so much...

Adios,

Lestat

Hey hey

Bacardi 151 Congratulations! You're 137 proof, with specific scores in beer (60) , wine (116), and liquor (104).

All right. No more messing around. Your knowledge of alcohol is so high that you have drinking and getting plastered down to a science. Sure, you could get wasted drinking beer, but who needs all those trips to the bathroom? You head straight for the bar and pick up that which is most efficient.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 69% on proof You scored higher than 87% on beer index You scored higher than 98% on wine index You scored higher than 96% on liquor index

Link: The Alcohol Knowledge Test written by hoppersplit on Ok Cupid

degrees of hell

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Seventh Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	Very High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Moderate
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Very High
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)	Extreme
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Very High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	High

Take the Dante's" Inferno Hell Test


Okay, So know how about you? In recent news...
Sometimes I think Mr. Big is just about the craziest man, but eh, lets start from the beginning...what I haven't told you is...

About a boy

Tony, came by a few weeks ago. A bi guy who has a pension for me. We had fun rolling around all night, I need to call him back

Mr. Big, and I had dinner at a quaint little sushi place where he brought up how he was going to use his sperm for our kids. HA, fat chance. But I did choak a bit on my salmon when he said that...

High School (I know this one sounds bad, but he's of age, but looks like a hs boy) is not seeming as interested as I would like...

Nboy...well, we will leave that alone for now.

So, the new QAF is coming out and we are spending this week watching the 3rd season in anticipation for the next.

I am working 2 shows and am having a blast...

Planning 2 parties and having lots to drink...

Planning on taking a break once this letter is over.

Okay now that I have you caught up, I have to leave work. I will write more later....


Adios,

Lestat

Buenas Dias!!

Okay, so I am tired and don't want to be here, so buenas it is not. I am so freaking tired, but my boss is bringing me a bagel and some coffee. God love Bailey!!! We need to go out for an Irish coffee though, and not just coffee and Bailey's, he he he. Seriously, though Bailey we need one. I am so excited about the wedding plans for Consuela and Action!!! It's in May and we have a lot to do, but man it's going to be great. They are having a Fred and Ginger theme, kind of. It is going to be so cool. I am finishing up my designs this weekend and can't wait to start making those. I think they will be fun. Hope all is well with all of you, I don't have much to write this morning, so I am going to be brief.

Lestat

Talk about faking it!!! 

Faking it on a blind date...

Okay, so if you haven't done it, I know you have thought about it. Have you ever been fixed up with someone on a blind date and you know you aren't going to be keen on them and they know nothing about you, and so you make a fake persona up. Oh yeah, I did. So, I was on a date with Jeremy, who my lovely friend told little to him about me. I know this because I made sure that he told little. I knew I wasn't going to like the guy, but I wanted to go out and have fun. Well, they guy was really nice, but so not my type. I would like to stay friends with him, but now I can't. Why you might ask, well I fake dated him. I told him I was from England and that I had just moved here, but was from the states. I thought the date would be at tops 2 hours and thought I can hold out. The date lasted a bit over 3.5 hours, and yes I never broke character once. We had a good time, but he was way to closetie for me. I need someone with his temper (very laid back and go with the flow) but out, or someone faster than me so that we are both going 90. I think I would prefer the latter, just because that is who I tend to date. But as you noticed since I have been blogging I tend to date not very often. So anyway, needless to say I got away with faking my way being British!! HA! I still have it in me.

Now, something really important...

My future Husband, Prince Andrea Casiraghi

Yes, it will happen I have faith. So if you are out their Andrea, give me a call ;)

So as you probably have noticed my computer is up and running with DSL again and I am having a little fun with pictures. He he he. But this is very important that we understand, I WILL MARRY THIS MAN...Thanks

Lestat

Andrea, being cool

with lights in my eyes 

my road

This is a road I found in Ireland. It was a nice walk and major a good day to take a walk. I think about this, and other things when remembering the cold air and the quaint breeze...

So, here's to you...

I am thinking of having a night in tonight. Kiddo is wanting to have drinks, get sloshy and tell secrets. I think we will have fun. I think I will join here at least to if nothing else to get sloshy and tell secrets. My poor Babs is sick. I feel your pain, I had the Irish plague!!!! I am a bit tired and need to work on my monologue for saturday...it's still not were it needs to be. Well, the cute boys are not in the library tonight, so onto home and my monologue...

I all alone beweep my outcast state...

Just some things to think about...I am going over my monologue for the Festival I am auditioning for. I feel so unprepared. Wow, what a shock...

The pretty boys have all left the building and I did get to run into the pretty boy from Honduras, I did catch him check me out as I left the computer room. Although I will be happy when my DSL is fixed, I will be sad not to run into all the hot guys on campus, by not coming into the library. Alas, it is a sacrafice. Well, it is burning up in here so I guess I will leave. I can't be expected to wilt.

Lots of love,

Lestat

and here we are...and I hate you both...

Okay, so lets just breeze by the post from the last time. I don't really want to get into it. I was angry and writing and well, just not in a great state... Today is better. I might have a date scheduled soon with a hunky Latin boy, hmmmm cool. And today I ran into a guy who I keep running into. He is from Honduras and is in the music department here at my school. I think I might take some lecciones de Espanol from him. He is a cutie and a musician and just all around a nice guy. I think that might be what I need I don't know if he is gay yet or not, but with hope maybe he will be my other Latin Connection...he he he. I am much happier today. I am working on my designs and have to learn two monologues tonight for an audition this Saturday. I know, I procrastinated, but on the good side I have done them before. And Ray Ray loves me...I just hope he loves me enough to give me a job this summer. But maybe it would be better if I stayed here. I don't know. I am so ready for the cast list for Accomplice to go up and for the Caberet auditions. I just am ready to be emerged into theatre again. I also need to work hard on my Spanish, so it will be good to get some tutoring in from the cute boy. I don't know it just seems like lately I am thinking more with my left brain than my right. Hopefully that will change soon. I hope Babs and I can go out soon. I have so much to talk about with her. Also, I must get in touch with Consuela. It has been far too long. Well, I will tell you tales later, off to memorize my monologues...

Lestat

PS wow is there a hot guy a couple of computers down...mmmmm

Shavings from an electric pencil

Don't ask, Tina Fay was having some problems with the sharpener as I was writing the title. It seemed to fit with today.

What's been happening, one might ask. Well, a lot and not a lot. We put LM to bed and had fantastic reviews in both Dublin and here. Several people came to see me, which was cool, states the vain actor trying to sound conceited...

***Warning skip this paragraph if you don't want to hear me whin***
Riff who had promised to come and who I bought a ticket for was not there. It was his birthday the night or two before, so I figured he was drunk and not thinking...or just thinking with his dick...I know, I know, we aren't dating, but come on, if you are coming to see me in a play where I buy the ticket, you definitely need to come and not cum. Well, I blew up on the phone to him, in a sweet, I'm kidding, but I am serious kind of way. I told him he had to call me back this minute and hung up...Okay so, maybe I went a bit too far, but I managed to get results extremely quick. Apparently, he had some family emergency and hadn't taken his phone with him and completely forgotten...Now, all of you think I am a b*tch, however, I will say that he isn't the most reliable guy in the world...Sometimes he will fall off the face of the planet and I won't here from him for days...So it is not out of the realms of possibility that he had pulled the James Dean I am going to leave town for a while just because. So, he called me back, and apologized profusely...Saying how horrible of a person he was and that he wanted to take me out to dinner...How fab...Grand, I am so good, I win...and that is how this week has started...

I know I am a horrible person, but really I am tired of being screwed over by men.

I have half a mind to say screw you to Kyan right now, but I won't...I digress, it's not him I am mad at...It's myself...

Anyway enough new age meditation I'm mad lets look within, I am looking into other grad schools to go to in the fall. I am not wanting to be here now. I am definitely thinking of going up north. Oh to be rid of this hot climate for a while. I am ready for a change...ready for something new..

I have something I am working on right now, well several, but writing wise I am working on a new script. Something different and a little less like what I write. It's more in the Bourne Id/Sup kind of range. I don't know where it is going, or if I will finish it, but who knows...

I am very fond today of the "..." If I looked through my blog I would probably see that I am very fond of it...oh well.

Such in a weird mood. I need to work on my Espanol homework, finish some sketches and meet friends tonight at some college bar I am sure. I must get into a different mood before then.

Cheers,

Lestat

On with the show...

So, we had our US premiere of the show we produced in Dublin this Christmas. We had a packed house and a great audience. It was great to have a live audience again.

On a personal note, I found the picture that I had worked with so closely in the show. It was a picture from the Russian bombing of a mother and a son. Today I noticed more than their faces. It wasn't that I wasn't looking or not seeing more, it was that I couldn't take my eyes away from their pain. I noticed a small bundle of crackers in the child's hand. It is amazing how much of myself I see in him. The turmoil of his face mixes with my own inside. He also looks like me, or possibly the inner picture of the small child that I see of myself afraid, in turmoil. On the outside I show a very strong and don't f*ck with me attitude, or a queenie happiness. Not many see the inner shambles of a faceless child, that I have now put a face too. Tonight as I looked at the photograph as a whole, I noticed as the colors ran together, it was a picture of my mother and me. A fist and nails woman on the inside, just as in the photograph. She personified my mothers interior as I view my mother. That was the cord when first looked on made me cry. That was were the scene I wrote of my friend and I with rope around our necks forever tied killing each other. No, I don't want to kill my mother, just emotionally sometimes we hurt each other so much until the bomb drops and all that is left is each other. Please those reading this it is not an Oedipus complex, I don't want to marry her, it is just a bond that we share that cannot be broken, no matter how hard one tries...

But maybe as I get older it can and we drown in our own sorrow and wait for what is next...

I stop, ponder, and move on...

...Kyan, where are you tonight? Sometimes I wonder about you...right before I go to bed. Not in a "I want to touch myself kind of way" (not to say you don't want to make me touch myself), but I just wonder what life would have been like...to have done things differently...to have become men together...yo no se...

I smell the air from old and move on...

Tonight is cleaning and movie night. It should all go well...I need a rest after the show tonight...

Lestat

Mas investigación en la biblioteca

So, en nuesta wonderful bibloteca, and yes I will be speaking in Spanglish for this blog (not really, and don't make fun of the word, it is in the dictionary), we have no play by Lope de Vega. What is up with that. I need one scene from Las Pastorelas, which although he did not write, he did transcribe for all those theatre buffs out there but I digress. I NEED ONE SCENE. oh that felt nice. So, between that and the DSL f*cking up at mi casa, yo no se es voyando en. Okay I know I just turned an English idiom into Spanish, it doesn't work that well. I think I will try to write something else a little latter, I have just gone spastic.

Adios,

Lestat

On selecting a play

So, I am here in the library of my school and I am looking for a play that I cannot find. Have I even begun to tell you how much I hate the library of congress. Notice how I did not capitalize any of the words. I do not think it worthy of being capitalized. The old way, good ol' Dewey, was not great, however, I could find things. Now, I wonder aimlessly through the aisles. Not knowing where anything is. You may say that is what the Card Catalogue is for. My library has one online, solemente online. Which is great, however, it gives me about 1000 hits for something I am for which I am looking. This is not helpful if the book I am looking for is number 576 and I have typed in the right title and author. Sometimes, and I am sure Kyan will disagree profusely, technology is a sh*tty, sh*tty thing. But alas, I digress.

I am downloading applications today for Uni's around Chicago and Seattle. My hope is that one will accept me soon, so that I no longer have to stay in this unfortunate place. As you might ascertain from my blog I am not actually in Madrid the city now. I want to move to a bigger city with more action. (okay mis amigos, I don't necessarily mean "action").

I have so many auditions coming up in the next few days. This will determine my summer and where I will be. I really should go to the mass cattle call this year, but I don't know. I want to spend one last summer at my old stomping grounds and do Shakespeare one last time, before the onset of Neil Simon and uhhhh, Musical Theatre. You might not get that from the rest of my blog, however, it was the best way to name a few people last summer when this blog was started. So, what you will. I know, I know take away my gay card. I hate musical theatre. I always tell people, I missed that day in gay school and was glad. Back to Shakespeare, I have an audition for my old teatro group that I hope will give me something. If not I am also auditioning for this area and for a few others. I hope it will come through. If not oh well. Another musical will await me here at the local theatre level.

I will have to end this now, por que I am going to work and such. Hope all is well with you my loves...

Adios,

Lestat

The delusions of a drunken Irish man...

I wished I had kept this in Ireland, hell, I wished I had kept this blog up... I am back from a three week rehearsal and production in you guessed it, Dublin, Ireland. I had a grand time and I want desperately to go back some day. But I would not stay in Dublin. I would travel the country side and find a path that no one had tread for many years. . . But one day, not today. Today I enter back into school. I start at 8 with a Spanish class, yes I know, I should know Spanish by now, he he... lo ciento mucho... oh well. I am doing well and I have several ideas for a couple of new plays. The play I did was very dark, but extremely meaningful. I was only in it for a short time, but to be on stage in Ireland was the chance of a lifetime. I am so in love with the people there and know now that I have to live in Europe my whole life...I never want to go back to the states...but I am sure I will for mamacita and papa. Who knows maybe one day they will move to Madrid and we can all be happy on foreign soil. Who knows... untill next time

Cheers,

Lestat

Living in a dangerous time...

Yes I know I haven't written in a while. Too long have I sat silent and not expressed my feeling, but hey that's what happens when you are in grad school right? I have been doing a lot of thinking and not a lot of action. I have been trying so hard to plan everything out, but I haven't been able to execute anything. Tonight I have to pull an all nighter, so that I can get everything done. Yes, I am not very happy about that. However, it is my own fault. But enough of that. I feel that my life has been compromised in a way. I am doing theatre, but I am a dance major. What is that? I know why I decided to go into dance. It was a need to have more information about the artform. It was to immerse myself so that I would have the ability to fuse the two artforms when necessary, but to be able to do both independently. Now I am much more interested in the fusion of the two. I feel that I am going to be met with some resistance. But that the resistance will be good considering I will be dealing with that resistance for the rest of my life. So what of that? I don't know. My piece that I am creating for the dance department is going well, I think, despite what others might think. But enough of that. I have rehearsals all this week for a show I am doing in Ireland in December. This is all preliminary work that will be used to create a play for us. Yes, we are that important. he he he. The rehearsal process is amazing. It is very much rooted in the 60's ritual movement in theatre and dance. We are exploring and looking for moments in time that will lead us or rather the playwright to a script. It is going to be wonderful. I am a bit tired and worn out, but like I said, It's grad school. I will hopefully continue this blog again tomorrow, until then, goodbye.

Lestat

Much ado about nothing...

To my dear Anita, I don't think it's f*cking men that are the problem, I think them being just men and not f*cking are the problem (or what you will). So, these weeks are flying by more and more quickly, and for some reason I am insanely happy with that. I have no time to accomplish everything, however, I am so glad to have everything fly by. What's up with that, I do not know. So, I am having a great time on my choreography for the dance department that I am in. It is so crazy and out there and well, me. Sometimes I think I get way too distracted by the same sex. Men are too easy to look at.

Back for a second death...

I wish I could say that my life has been as quite as my blog. Endless rehearsals and class fill my day as I try to piece together a sane life. Although, I am beginning to think sanity is overrated. Gay pride was last weekend, and Riff cheered for the Gay Cheerleaders, and seemed to be very happy to see me and of course told me to call. So, stupidly I did. Knowing full well, he will call when he wants to. Dirty sh*t. Oh maybe you don't know. We had a little fun a few weeks ago, with someone else. Now, I don't expect him to be my boyfriend, no it was just innocent fun. BUT, I do expect a phone call and a hangout after doing that.

Less about Riff, more about my piece. I am choreographing a piece called Finding Exodus. It's about the leaving of one person from another. Wow, maybe I should apply this to the first paragraph, la la la.

I don't think I know how to write in one of these anymore. Every time I come to the computer I space out and don't know what to talk about. Well, maybe next time will be more rewarding.

Lestat
PS I am a little freaking out b/c of Grad school.

Another day, another whatever...

Sorry that my life has not been so exciting except for the fun of school I am working constantly and well the love life is non existent right now. So what to talk about? Well, I am reading constantly now. My reading consists of mainly dance books that tell me how to think, and then my professors tell me I need to form my own mind (but then tell me what to think). I am sick to death of being told, just let me read my books and go through my own thought processes. Maybe, when my head stops spinning I will "accertain the situation and move into a more stable awareness of what I want." hmmm, what I want... This is something I need to think more of. I recently did an audition for a show going on in the next town. I had a great first reading, but a difficult and not so good second reading. He has since cast everyone, but the character I was auditioning for. I do know why which is a good thing. It's because he is auditioning more men. I was the only man at auditions. It is a very female heavy show and it looks for a specific type of guy to play the part. Specific in acting as well as looks. I fit the look and my acting can handle it, however, politics and a bad callback may have put me out of the running. I dance all day, read all night, and just was in a fight with my friends that I feel terrible about. I can't believe I snapped at them. Granted he is a scapegoat for many of my outbursts of anger, but rarely do I snap at him. So, tonight I went to the library to study, and I did achieve this studding. However, I didn't finish. And now I am talking to this wonderful online journal (I hear the words of my favorite professor in the back of my head, "sarcasm is the lowest for of humor"). My head is spinning and I don't know if I made the right choice, but who can I talk to about this other than myself? Others can't answer this question for me. Only I can, but then why isn't the answer easier for me? Only time can tell right now. I feel another emotional breakdown coming on. But hopefully I can reschedule it for another time... ha if only Life worked that way.

Lestat

At the ballet...

After dancing for four years I decided to become a part of a school of dance. Now having a modern background I thought I would be fine as the school is a modern dance department. I didn't even think of how hard it would be to dive back into ballet. Never having taken it seriously, I didn't expect it to come at me this hard. Time for a mental breakdown, cue the music. Yes, today at the ballet class I had a break down. Not unusual for the neurotic person that I am. I know how to do the movements, however, they were being yelled out and at a rapid pace. I went up to my instructor, someone who looks like the typical prima ballerina, from Russia with love (okay so I am being mean because I hate ballet). But she does look like that, however, she is very kind and compassionate and told me that she thought I was doing fine in her class and that she thought I would survive. I should be listening to her rather than myself who cannot comprehend what my body is going through. Maybe I shouldn't have chosen grad dance school. What was I thinking? But maybe I will be okay and I will be made stronger. Or I will fall and learn something from that.

I want my head to stop spinning though. I need to become more organized but I don't know if I can do that. We will see...

Lestat

Then came the next night...

I have often wondered why gay men and straight women become friends. Yes, they may or may not have a lot in common, and the spa stuff, and even the guy watching. It interests me though how they become friends so easily, because when they go to each others clubs they don't have as much fun. I recently when to a club with my straight friends, it was okay, but it was obviously a straight club. Not that there is anything wrong with that. And I did have fun, however, that night what I obviously needed was a man, or two or six. But of course there was no way of getting one as they were all straight, or if they were there and gay they were not my type. Now, it's not as if I don't like straight people, believe me I have helped their sexual preference out enough, but I think what bothers me about going to the straight club with my straight friends is my own insecurity. Now if they go to a gay club, women can dance with each other (obviously) or they can dance with a man, they can mug down, whatever. Gay men at a straight club, not so much. If I do happen to find a gay guy I like at a straight club, it is likely that they will be very uncomfortable dancing with me or vis versa (probably not for me because I am past what others think I am in theatre/dance of course I don't care what people think) but in certain situations maybe. So, it is very hard for me at certain straight clubs to have a good time. Also, it had to do with other emotions I was feeling. I was quite dicked over that night and wanted to drown my sorrows and maybe find them in another mans mouth. Don't judge me you've done it too. So, I don't know where I am going with this, I think I am avoiding talking about a subject, well I know I am avoiding talking about Riff. I have no reason to be upset. He's seeing someone else, not that he has or is seeing me so it should not be important, however, when you like someone and then become friends and you have great chemistry together, but they won't recognize that and then they go out and sleep or rather in this case so far meet and start talking to other people, well, it's interesting, to say the least. Although you are friends and you know that you two are only friends, but let's be honest since this is my journal, you deep down still want them to wake up and realize what great chemistry you two have. I think we may have lost that chemistry now. For now, at least. Maybe, the hanging out we did will allow us to still be friends.

So, I am choreographing two very interesting pieces. One of them deals with the above. Letting go of someone. Like when you leave someone or someone leaves you from this obviously small instance where I liked someone and they did not return the like or if we had a long meaningful relationship and then he left. It takes time to have someone exit your body. Granted, Riff, won't take as long as Ben did, but then me and him were together for longer and had an amazing relationship. Riff will only take a few days. Yes, I hate that it is that long. Others took me only a few hours, minutes, seconds, actually in the middle of the act I wanted to be out of there bodies... la la la. Anyway, the point of this journal was to throw up what I was feeling on the screen and I have accomplished most of what I wanted to say, however, I don't think I want to go any further.

Also, to my friend at the straight club, if you read this email, I did have a good time, just not as good of a time as I have at queer clubs because of obvious reasons. So, just remember I love you and it was fun.

Anyway,

Lestat

OH what a night...

Welcome to my madness. After four nights of going out and parting. I had one more. BTW, just woke up, yes I do know what time it is. Riff actually called me last night. We went out drinking, dancing, singing and even had a bit of pool in. I love the fact that I can either win or throw a pool game. He he he ;) Needless to say I got very plastered last night, but was safe enough to drive home by the end of the night. This boy knows when to stop. I sang "Sweet Transvestite" from Rocky Horror, and I have the feeling that Riff and I might be going to see that tonight at the midnight showing, he finally gets to be a virgin again. If you don't know what I am talking about. Please rush to the nearest midnight showing, it's three hours away you say, who cares get your ass there. So much craziness last night. And yes now the it is time for the rest of the weight to come off. This week I will be hard core. Eating and exercising right. But even with the 5 extra pounds I put on this week, I still was asked to take my clothes off and had someone check to see if I was wearing undies, maybe I shouldn't have been... la la la.

Lestat

Dear Diary...

To my dear Rylee, I wish that Toledo had better happenings for you. I wish too for one more week. But alas, we must back to our respectable establishments. We will have drinks soon and possible a movie. It will all depend on when I can get to Toledo.

Madrid was interesting last night. I didn't have too much to drink last night. But apparently many people did. I walked into a party last night full of drunk people. Which isn't to say I haven't been in that situation before, but it was so different from the parties I was used to. My dearest S.Grey is leaving for NY and it was her going away party. I love Sarah, so of course I went. Okay, segue, I hadn't realized just how much weight I had lost until recently. At the party, maybe I was wrong, but all the gay boys there hit on me. I might be conceited, but I might be right. I think I am. Part of it makes me happy I have so much new attention, but how much is too much? Unwanted affection from guys that are into one thing or who are not your type is always horrible, but what if it is from the people you wanted it from. Those you thought it would be good to spend one night with. Yes, I used to be a slut. But do I retrograde back into one now that I am a few pants sizes smaller? I have for some, but it is so shallow. Not that I am not shallow, we all are in some respect, but how shallow have I become with the exercise regiments and watching what I eat? I tried it out this week, on how much food and exercise intake affected my shallowness. I have been eating anything I want. Which has been great. I gained 3-5 pounds and yes my ideals have been going down. So, this next week as I work out like a freak, I will see how they go up. I think it might be more interesting than one can think.

Lestat

A walk with Babs...

Yes tonight my dear Anita. Hope all is well out there in cyberland. Today has been such a weird day to begin with. I almost couldn't get out of bed. I have been crazy at work and I am missing my Orientation into grad school. All that aside I am doing well. I don't understand while my depression is setting in. I am genuinely fine, which might be the problem. Have I entered into the world of everything is fine that's why I am depressed? I don't like turmoil and drama (note: I majored in drama, it's not my life). If everything is fine, I should be. Maybe I should just take my pill and everything will be alright. Oh well, I can't wait to go out tonight and see a wonderful woman go off and embrace her life, grab it by the balls Graziella. And to go out with Consuela and Anita. Welcome back to Madrid my lovelies. I can't wait to party.

When life gives you lemons you make lemonade right? Wrong, you suck the sour out of them. Okay, so not the greatest mantra, but as you read in my last blog, yes keep up today will probably be lots of small blogs instead of one long one, I am impatient. I go from guy to guy, yes I haven't been honest, Riff is not the only guy I am interested in right now. On the contrary he is one of many. He just happens to be the one I like a lot. The others are just fun to play with. Yes I am a bastard, but it is not as if the rest of the boys aren't playing. I had a very revealing dream the other night. It involved a forest, stream, a race, snakes, ancestors, and other things. It was telling me, per a dream book. That I am transcending into a new area either emotionally or spiritually. I think both might be going on. Part of me is tired of this endless stream of sexual conquests, and the other is very happy with the sex. What is wrong here, I am a man, my life is made up of sexual practices. I don't feel like I am cheating on Riff, because there is nothing there to cheat on. I don't feel sorry about letting other guys on, because they should know it is a one night thing. So, I tip my glass to another day. Anita will be coming to Madrid soon, and I am very thankful for that. It will give us a time to rejuvenate until the next winter comes. Okay, so I like to write pretty things. Blah blah blah. But what of this new emotional/spiritual journey I am going on? I get glimpses of what is to come, but until then I don't know. I do feel a change, but what's new I just graduated from undergrad and am going into a completely different grad program. Of course there will be change. Oh well, I don't know. I think I am a little freaked that my mother asked about Riff. Oh well, take care kiddies I will see you after darkness sets in.

Lestat

Can I get a what, what?

So, waiting has to be the most boring thing in the world. I know I am a New Yorker at heart, I don't do the patience thing. So my mother ask about a certain Riff in an email today. I think she is getting a little too overzealous about our relationship, the fact that we are friends and nothing else. Speaking of which, he hasn't written me back in a day. hmmmmm. Anyway, patience may just be in abundance this season even if I have none right now.

Tia and birth

So today my boss and wonderful friend Ben took Amanda and me to Tia's. It was very wonderful. It was a great meal with good conversation. I miss that. I miss going out and talking. I think that is why I am so chatty today. I received an email from Riff and when into a long paragraph about different things. Yes, I am still talking to him, but I am no longer expecting anything out of it but friendship and fun. I spent the weekend drinking and having a good time. However, I did manage to rearrange my room and get in about 5 movies this weekend. It also occurred to me how much I live in a fantasy world, which nothing is wrong with that as long as you still remember and come back to the real world. I love to day dream, it's one of my secret pleasures. I spend hours on an idea, I should really start writing them down and trying to use them in scripts. I don't know, somedays I long to be a writer. It would have to be for theatre, film or TV though. I couldn't write a book, I have tried. It gets too tedious. Scripts are more fun. I have worked diligently on one for 4 years now and it still isn't finished. Sometimes I think it is my masterpiece and other times I feel like it will be my downfall. I am trying to finish it before I start on anything else, however, I need to start on the others before they pass out of being. I like others consider the art of creating art, creation itself. It is like having a child only the birthpains are in your head (or worse manifest themselves into physical pain). I love it, but I don't want it to trap me in a room for the rest of my life. Playwrighting is such a solo life. You and a computer or pen and paper. Letting the juices of creation flow onto either is extremely intoxicating and completely scary. It makes me happy and crazy all at once. On another note, one of my friends, Consuela, has a son who told me he loved me and fell asleep in my arms. It makes me want a kid so bad. one day, but not anytime soon. I would love to be a father, however, I need some time before I do this. I had a crazy dream last night, I will blog about that later. I don't feel like talking about it right now. I can't wait for Anita to come in town. I miss her so. I hope all is going well for her, and I hope her Mr. Big is treating her right. Alas, no Mr. Big for me right now, but hey that can be fun living the single life.

Till more comes,

Lestat

Normandy

Okay so I don't know what the title has to do with anything. I am just hanging out this weekend. Unfortunately not with Riff, but hey, he is at his HS reunion this weekend which is where he is suppose to be. I had 2 nights of birthday fun, no ladies and gents not my birthday that of a friend of ours. Diesels birthday was this week and he threw one night of cookout fun and another of lets go out on the town fun. Both were interesting, but each had it's own problems. I don't know what...strike that I know what Diesel was thinking when he invited all the boys he did, only one word was on his mind... Orgy. Well, it didn't happen, suprised? Not really, although all of us did have our fun one way or another. That's all for now.

Lestat

The road to nowhere...

When did deal breakers become such a big deal? I remember when deal breakers were just the way a guy looked or if he smoked or he lived to far away. When did deal breakers become major ordeals? Since we all have become older I guess. It just sucks to have one man who is good everywhere but in the bedroom, and another who is great but has a chip he can't get rid of. Yes, I have a burger (SITC) and a big (SITC) right now. One who we make a perfect couple, but the fire in the bedroom is just not there. We are so good everywhere else. And another who is perfect for me, just not perfect right now. What will happen I do not know, will I end up with big once his scetchiness fizzles out, or will I settle for bad bedside mannors? Neither, I want to find my Ben (QAF).

I have 2 ideas for shows, but I feel like I am cheating on the one that has taken me thus far four years to get out. Maybe I should just start writing. I think one will be called Showmance or something like that. Maybe that will pass the days better.

This is all for now,

Lestat

The woman from the street...

Again, I saw the woman on the street. This time although she still looked lonely. I had a better outlook on her. She was proud and fun and full of another time. That was how she was, or maybe how I was.

L

Fall is on its way...

As I was walking yesterday and today, I remembered why I moved to Madrid. What wonderful weather we are having. It was warm and had an amazing breeze. I could walk for hours. I like Carrie Bradshaw have a love affair with this city, only I'm a bit more finicky about my love for it. Today on my morning walk I noticed a woman, older, making her way to the store I always walk to. On her way back I noticed her on the journey back to wherever she came from. She had a sack of groceries that she had purchased and she was smoking a fag. She looked amazingly lonely. But that was me merely projecting onto her my state. She was probably very happy and enjoyed her walk and her smoke. Then, I began to think of people who saw me walking in the mornings. Did they too see my loneliness, or worse did they do what I do and project there emotion onto me? How was I so ignorant to project my psyche onto to someone else. Perhaps she was lonely and I was right, my intuition says I am. I could hear that voice in my head that tells me about people when I meet or see them. In any case that was wrong of me. Although, friends and I do often play the game of guess the person where we sit in an area and guess what people are and do. That is just a game, but have I turned my game into life, guessing what and who people are? Possibly.

My mother is so excited I am traveling back to Florence to see her and my father. I am excited about this, however, like my last blog it will be a trying time. I do love my parents, but like every child you begin to need to make your own life and stop listening to everything they say. True some of their wisdom you must STILL listen to, but some you have to throw away. Sometimes you need to make your own mess ups and learn from them.

As for love, yes I am cursed with it, but it is a curse I have put onto myself. All the vampires in the world right now are too young emotionally for me. Maybe someday I will find one as old as I am. Until then, I will live this cursed life.

Anita it's time for a drink, we will have it soon I am sure. Consuela, I miss you and can't wait to start walking with you. Gratz hope I can see you before you leave for the big apple. Have fun in the city.

Lestat

Mommie Dearest...

What is it with Mother nows best, I thought it was Father new best? How is it that our mothers can be the embodiment of all that is good and all that is unholy? My mother, is a wonderful person, full of life and love and everything a child can ask for. However, she can also be the spawn of satan when she wants to. She wants to make sure that I am not going to f*ck up my life, but this means that I do not get to live it. She wants to do everything for me and when I don't do it her way she does it for me. Take my apartment situation. I had found a wonderful apartment that I wanted to live in. She proceeds to look up other apartments around town. She comes with a list of apartments for us to look at. After I have already checked most of them out. I had to pull teeth to get into the apartment that I wanted, however now I feel guilty, because I didn't take my mother's advice. Another good point is today. I have to get new furniture. I want a NICE futon to fit in my very SMALL apartment. One that I can sleep on. I would like something a bit nicer, but that is more expensive. Mother has found other possiblilities for me some of which are cheap, but not as nice. It is the triangle effect. Nice and Comfortable, Nice and Cheap, or Comfortable and cheap. What do I want? I guess I will find out tonight. Whatever it is it will not be what mother picked out, but hey, what is? I love my mother and she does so many wonderful things for me, but really, let me live my life and make my mistakes. Whatever they may be.

L

When in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes...

What is this obsession with love and wanting to be with someone. Everyone wants it. Maybe, we should all step back and realize how good it is to sit back and be alone. Is this such a bad idea? Maybe, if we are happy with ourselves we would be happy with the life we have and that would be enough. But, we have all these shows about love and heartache and finding the one, but no you can't look for the one because if you do that you will never find it. Then you spiral into the whole I'm just going to be Brian Kenny and f*ck around feeding my endless hunger until the end, whatever that may be. The old Lestat has been through both of these situations. I have been the man in love, and my heart was broken four years ago so I became Brian Kenny, the heartless a**hole. I slept around not finding anything I liked, because I didn't want it. I was a vampire anew, needing nothing, but always hungry. I still have a little of that old Lestat in me and as I get older I start to look for companions. Wolf packs of gay men to hang out with, because that is easy, it's simple. I don't have to f*ck anyone in my wolf pack, because that is a taboo. But eventually with the onset of pansexualism, we have all basically f*cked each other. What a strange world we live in. Here recently I have allowed people to come into my life. An actor, a choreographer and here recently a lawyer. Thinking each may hold the key to the next phase in my life. I wasn't expecting this when I met them, but the outside forces brought us together. By outside forces I mean friends, enemies (yes I have plenty of these), or situations, and I think for a brief second I could be happy with these people. I could find something within them to make the days as a vampire (i.e. if you haven't read previous post vamp means gay man) something more than work, parties, sex. As the eternal Armond, I want to be quickened once more, however, as much as it may appeal to these vampires (the actor, the choreographer, and the lawyer) they all must regretfully decline. Well, today after a night of trying to get my modem working (yes, I was up until four o'clock for those keeping score) I decided to put the lid back on my coffin. Maybe it is time for me to regretfully decline. Love has always been a curse to me. It is a dark gift. One of which has become a gift I don't think I want. I see all of my happy friends, Action and Consuela, Snowboy and Nathan, Anita and Mr. Big. They are happy together and are ready for this gift of light, not darkness. But me, it is only darkness and I don't think I want to accept this gift. I attended a woman's university for a reason. To stop with the love affairs, well, in the last two years I have had three close calls, but nothing turning up aces. So I am going to throw my deck of cards away, and hope one day I will pick up another deck that is not full of deuces that are wild.

Lestat

Sex, lies and videotape...

What is it about sex that screws up our lives? Why is it always on our brains? I am not just talking about men, which yes we do think about it 98% of the time, but women too. Sex is good, sex is great, but really what is up with sex? I found out recently that someone wouldn't accept my offer of a date because they thought I was not sexual, and they thought that I wouldn't like them because of how much sex they had before we met. Okay, first off who is going to throw away a great night of sex with someone who has expirience? Really? Anyway, onto other news.

Congrats to Consuela for getting back a negative on her test results!!! That is great. Yes, sunscreen for me as well from now on. I hope Portland can handle us. I am getting excited.

Anita, hope you get your kicks this weekend, have fun for me while I am in the badlands.

Lets all try to get together soon.

Lestat

The Vampire

Why have I gone this long without explaining my name or talking of vampires? How distracted I have been. The Vampire Lestat, my old pseudonym. Now, I am more like Armand, but back in the day, I know it wasn't that long ago. I was known as a Lestat. I had every aspect of his character in my being. I was the hunter, who found companions who left them. I was the damned soul that would live forever and who regrets nothing (hope you see the parallel with Armand in the last phrase). Armand was the natural choice to evolve. As most intelligent scholars of the chronicles know, the vampires are a metaphor for gay men, as a metaphor for life. It is like watching episodes of Sex in the City, Friends, and Queer as Folk where you have the archetypical characters that everyone can relate to. Here recently I have found a Louis character that has peaked my interest. You know him as Riff. But here recently I have felt like the reverse of what happened in Interview with a Vampire, where Louis is the one that says "you want me to quicken you once more, and as much as that thought appeals to me I must regretfully decline." This is much more of what I would like to say to him. But as I have not made it through The Vampire Armand so I don't know his side yet. I do know that he stayed with Lestat through the years and was there when Louis came back to New Orleans. Armand, always going back to the old days. Old friendships and love that is forgotten. I have a bit of Lestat left in me. These two characters Armand and Lestat both loved Louis. But that is the difference. I can't love Riff. He won't let me. I don't know him. I fear I never will. I can never say that I loved him, because I have never truly known him. Only surface level scans and readings. So, now it is time to go find a new Louis, unless this one can find his way home like in the end of The Vampire Lestat.


Lestat

The Bourne Supremacy

So, what am I thinking. I emailed Riff and told him I would like to go see this movie that both of use want to see. But now, I don't know. I want to go see the movie and I want to see him, but I know what kind of night it will turn into. I have to make some ground rules. One, no talking about Tyler, the guys phone number that I received and Riff did not. This is probably the most important one seeing as how it is the one that makes him jealous the most. Two, no talking about any other men I may or may not being going out with soon. This will also be harder than it looks as I am very open about who I am interested in (as long as it isn't with them). Three, no show talk, I don't want to be all reminiscent with him about good ol' West Side. la la la. Now, if only I can stick to these three rules, I will be okay. Lets hope he does.

Lestat

Boys boys boys

Why do we really feel the need for revenge? I think it is a guy thing, although hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn. But there is such a need in male/male relationships to see blood after it is over. No matter if it is friendship or love interest we always want to see blood and be on top. It's the whole need to be alpha male. This is even more defined in the gay world. Because really, we have a lot more to be alpha about. We have smaller herds, we have to prove that we are better than most people to get equal treatment and blah blah blah. I am tired of this. I want to be equal without trying to be better. I am a human being I am going to act like one. Not a gay man who has to be well behaved so that society will say, ah yes gay people are just like us. No, I want to be revengeful and all that jazz(btw, I don't think I have ever written about so many musical songs in my life), but I think I will take my dear Babs advice and play it cool, boy real cool. We will see.

L

Being better off

So, last night was very interesting. I was called by Riff. How wonderful, not. He proceeded to be very jealous and annoying. Like it was my fault that I got the cute guys phone number. Okay, yes I did ask for someone else's phone number, but me and Riff are not together, nor have we ever been together. Well, after asking for the guy's phone number I found out Riff was also interested in him. Yes, stupid I know for going after him. I knew this would only breed trouble with Riff. But oh well, bring it. Riff isn't going to be with me obviously, so why should I wait around from him. Words from my dear Babs say: "I know you want to tell him off, but I am getting the feeling that he almost likes that. I know that sounds weird, but it's like it ups the challenge and he resists more just for fun." So, yeah. Maybe now, Maybe never. I don't know. There are so many things that I would like to say, just for my own sanity, but like always I don't think they will ever be said. Goodbye Riff, Hello Tyler.

Lestat

Kiss today goodbye...

Well, the show has ended. So, have a lot of other things. No more do I have the chance to hang out with all the people I want to all the time. I will never get to see some of their shinning faces and will have to sit and wonder what some of them are doing. How sad. I cried in the dressing room the last day of the show. I didn't want anyone to see me, but I am glad Anita found me. I have left a lot of shows, but there are some I just don't want to leave. It always breaks my heart to leave, most of all it hurts so hard with this group. I am glad that so many are close to me and that I can stay in touch with most of them. I can't wait to see some of them tonight. Good show tonight at auditions guys. I am sending you all my strength.

I don't know anymore about Riff. He said he will keep in touch, but I am almost sure I will never see him again. And why should he want to after what I did. I told him off, bruised his ego, got the hot guys phone number and told him I wouldn't be holding my breath for him to call. So, here's to goodbyes, the sadness and the sorrow. We all did what we had to do... If it was ment to be then it will.

It's time for the last bow and me to say goodbye to the show. Farewell, till then next time, goodbye West Side Story.


Lestat